- Miss LusterDust
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I really hoped this wouldn’t happen to me, but here I am with a month to go freaking out that I’m making a huge mistake. I’m sorry this is long.
Most of the time I think, this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I am really loving my life, and I’ve been enjoying it so much since FI came into it. We have a lot of fun together, agree on most things, and have a wonderful kitty cat. But now, suddenly, it seems like I’m making a terrible mistake.
My parents have been super supportive yet secretly unsupportive. They are helping to pay for the wedding and being involved in other ways, but they keep saying things that make me feel like this isn’t really how they feel. FI and my parents are friendly to each other, but it’s always very stressful when we’re together because they’re personalities sort of clash. FI always wants to have a plan, and my parents are very we’ll figure it out at the last minute type. I feel like I constantly have to defend them to each other.
So, anyway, I was going along merrily. A few weeks ago my dad calls me up and says “Are you sure you want to marry him?” He says how FI isn’t the type of person he expected me to end up with because he’s not much of a reader, isn’t into food, and doesn’t seem to like to travel that much. Then he goes on about how it’s better to cancel the wedding now than get divorced later. I tell him how happy I am and how excited I am to be getting married.
Two weekends ago was my bridal shower, and my parents came into town. One of the bridal shower things was people wrote me notes in a book. My mom wrote about how I shouldn’t ever give up the things I love, and she referenced reading, food, and traveling again.
So now I’m getting annoyed. FI and I have plenty of travel plans, and we’ve traveled quite a bit–just not to Europe! We’ve read several of the same book series’ in the last few years, he’s just a much slower reader. I can indulge my love for exotic food with my other friends.
So, the Monday after the bridal shower my dad calls me up with concerns about my financial future because I happened to mention that I didn’t like to get haircuts as often as I should because I don’t want to pay $40 just to get my bangs trimmed. FI makes more than twice as much as I do, but he is unwilling to create a joint account. We’ve sorted things out in another way that works for us (though I would prefer the joint account approach, but this is okay). FI also bought a condo since we started dating, but he’s not adding me to the papers. I am not paying anything toward the principle though, and when we move we’ll buy our next place together. . . . Anyway, my dad says all this is warning signs. I went on here and I read about all the different ways people do things and it made me feel a bit better, but I still have this huge cloud of doubt. Like, if he doesn’t trust me with his/our money, then why does he trust me enough to marry me?
So, now I am full of doubt and confusion. I can’t sleep at night. I just want to curl up in a corner and disappear. I can just see my parents being all “I told you so” if we end up divorced.
I guess I am looking for advice or general comments. Have you had similar cold feet and had it all work out? or fall apart?