Post # 1
Mr. E & I have began pulling together a guest list and we’ve asked our mother’s to gather family addresses. It waspretty simple at first. Immediate family and closest freinds were of course listed. But now we’re stuck.
You see, we’re having our wedding at our church (where we met in Sunday school) and of course plan to give the church an invitation. That adds atleast 50-75 people. Our church has a very large attendance number and the majority of them have known my fiance and I since we were in grade school. Certain members of the church will receive their own personal invitation as they are closer to us and our families.
The second dilemma(sp): My father says to invite all family, including his second cousin Michael Ray who I’ve only ever seen at funnerals/reunions/cousin’s wedding. My father says it’s not likely that half of the extended family will even show but it’s a nice curtesy to include them, plus they might send money/gift which is never a bad thing. However, I’m thinking “what if they do decide to come?? Our guest list of people we absolutely want there and are for sure that they will be is already nearing 200”. How do I reason with him?
Also, my Mother-In-Law wants to invite all of her friends, very few which I’ve ever met and very few that my fiance can stand to be around. She brings it up and has even sent me their addresses. As if they’re important family members.
The last and final issue with guest list we’re having is deciding whether or not to include the “Plus One” option. We both have some single friends/family but that adds on and you run into the issue of haivng someone at your wedding you absolutely cannot stand. EX: My cousin has never really settled down and has a “new” man every few months. I don’t want some random guy at my wedding or one of her exes that I dislike. I know that makes me sound like a bridezilla but am I not entitled to a few picky bridezilla moments??
If any of you are going through the same issues or have dealt with these and survived please pass along the suggestions. I’m stressing and this is the first big thing we’re doing as far as wedding plans go! I want to try and be nice but I don’t want third cousing Bobby Joe and a random lady at our wedding. HELP!
Post # 3
Just kidding. I say you cut it off at a certain point. Blame the venue. Tell your family/friends that the venue only accomodates a certain amount of people. Give everyone (your parents/ future in laws/yourselves) X number of people to invite and tell them they pick and choose but only get X number. If its less than what they need, too bad! Venue doesn’t fit!
Post # 4
Tell your parents that they can have a certain number of extra add-ons, and if they exceed that, they’ll need to cover the cost difference (if you’re willing to let them) OR tell them that the venue has a particular capacity.
As for the church, well it’s technically a public place, so really anyone who wants to come can. Luckily, if they list your event in the church bulletin, you don’t have to send actual invitations to the congregation- which means they aren’t actually invited to the reception part of the event (which is the one that costs money). As a church member, they are more than welcome to come witness you exchange vows but they don’t need to be specifically invited, unless you want them to be present at both the ceremony AND reception.
OR- have a private, immediate family only ceremony, and host a laid back after party or throw a marriage celebration after.
Or one of the many wonderful suggestions other creative Bees come up with 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
Our solution was to set very clear lines. We invited out to first cousins, no second cousins, cosins once removed, etc etc. This also magically eliminated any kids–yay! We invited friends and their spouses/SO’s basically if they are significant enough that we had met them. The only exception to that was 3 people who one of us know from high school/college who won’t know anyone else–we gave them a guesst so they won’t be all alone. Family will know each other so I was much more strict about the SOs–basically no house/no spouse/no ring = no bring. After all that we figured out how many people we had left and divided that in half, and that was the number of people our parents could invite of their friends. (after all that we are still slightly over where we want to be, but we know a lot of people will not come due to religious reasons (observant Jews, Saturday wedding) You’re not being a bridezilla at all–people cannot object to clear lines, that way it’s not personal.
I have never heard of having to invite an entire church–that sounds like a recipe for complete insanity. Are you inviting them to the reception too or just the service?