Post # 1
I’ve seen a number of posts saying waiting bees have been told this, and my SO has been appeasing me with this comment for about three months. I heard it from him again Sunday.
I also understand that every man’s sooner than later is different. I HOPE it means in the next 2 months as opposed to 6 months. I feel like I’m being patted on the top of my head like a little girl and being told someday you’ll be old enough to ride a bike, sooner than later! UGH.
Anybody have any insight on what this means in man-speak? It’s so evasive. Sooner as in Valentines Day or sooner as in before the next ice age?
Post # 3
Do you have a general timeline? The next 6 months, the next year, next few years?
We’ve seen “sooner rather than later” mean “tomorrow”, and we’ve also seen it mean “I’m buying time and you’re never getting a ring, ever.”
But I have my hopes on the first one for you!
Post # 4
I wish I had some insight…but I have empathy!
Is he willing to give you a little more info? That would be helpful, I’m sure.
Post # 5
@BrandNewBride: I would be very surprised if it was a no ring ever situation. A few months ago he said within 6 months (which would be March) but I also know his 6 months can be vague too. I push a timeline because this is a second marriage and our young children and we have already formed a family unit. We have specific plans for moving into my house (after marriage) in the fall of 2014 or fall of 2015 to suit the children’s school schedule. We’ve already told our ex-spouses we’re getting married and the children have already decided which rooms they will have. I know he wants to get married, it’s just engagement that he seems to have problems with. I know patience is a virtue. I’m on this site to try to chill out and it’s helped! Less nagging, productive conversations. He would never give me a concrete timetable because he seems to be having a control thing going on about engagement. Very odd. And he’s not the type to plan some huge outrageous surprise. I am guessing within 2-4 months. I just hate the term “sooner than later”!
Edit – We’ve picked out a setting and he has my family diamond already. Ring cost is not an issue. Our lives are stable – both 40 with completed educations and jobs. What had me bring this up is that a conversation Sunday morning resulted in him pointing out that there were no more hurdles (for the last year he’s had a stressful lawsuit going on over a business venture – he says he will no longer let that delay our moving forward with our relationship). He kept asking what I wanted for Christmas until I deadpanned, “an engagement ring.” His response was that he thought Christmas proposals were cliche but not to worry it will happen sooner than later. I’ve reinstituted the SIUP for myself so I will not be pressing him for further details. I just am frustrated about it and wondered what ya’lls thought’s on it were.
Post # 6
@SomedaymrsWDS: I HATED the sooner rather than later talk!! I had to have a specific conversation with him about what “soon” meant. To me, “soon” meant within a couple months. To him, “soon” was within like 9-12 months… So he needed to know my definition of “soon” so that he would quit telling me “soon enough”!! 🙂
Post # 7
My SO knows that I would KILL him if he said this. To answer the question, IMO it is absolutely meaningless. It’s even worse than “soon”, which is already super vague, it’s “soonER”. Assuming time is infinite, there is no “end time” so “sooner” could be an infinitely great amount of time, since there will always be a “later”. If you believe in an ending to time, or if you think he is referring to your lifetime’s or the Earth’s timeframe, it’s still pretty useless, since it could be the second before you die or the second before 5 billion years from now when the Earth melts.
I think some guys whose SOs post here get a kick out of messing with them (by using this phrase), because they have NO IDEA how important it is to us.
If your SO says this with a little wink and smirk, you’re good. Otherwise, you need to have a talk with him if you really want an answer to the “when” question.
Post # 8
@E_Lynne615: That’s my big fear here. That my sooner is 2 months and his, well to be honest, I doubt even he knows what sooner means to him. He is well aware that 9-12 months is not an option. I won’t be here that long unless there are greatly extenuating circumstances that crop up. We have both risked too much by blending our children. If he isn’t excited enough to make this engagement/marriage happen now that nothing is in the way then well, there’s my answer. I don’t want my sons growing up to see a man who talks about marriage, blah blah blah, stringing their mother along for years. I want them to have a healthy marriage to model themselves on. I believe SO and I will have that or I wouldn’t be here. My problem is I’m not seeing the EXCITEMENT that I want to see from him. Sigh.
@arathella: I absolutely love your rant about time. That’s exactly what I was thinking when I said “the next ice age”. Your words are perfect. I’m glad to hear y’alls responses. I kinda think it’s a good thing this time (you can never tell if he’s twinkling or not, the man has a totally straight face). Since he said it in conjunction with saying there are no other obstacles anymore. He’s been saying for a year we would get engaged when this lawsuit was over (It’s a mess, he and his ex-wife owned a business and it’s being thrashed around in court 3 years after their divorce. Since it’s against her it’s more emotional than a business lawsuit should be). Now he is saying he won’t let the lawsuit stand in the way any longer since it really may be 1 second before the universe implodes before the damn lawsuit will be settled. Unless I have a horrible read on him (meaning we have no business getting married) I am hoping/thinking that sooner means 2 months or 4 months tops. But one thing you’ve convinced me of, if he ever says it again he will be required to tell me exactly what those words mean!
Post # 9
I guess I don’t get it – if you’ve told your exes and young kids that you’re getting married, aren’t you engaged? If you are not, then why would you tell people that, especially the kids?
Post # 10
@oneofthesethings: Yes. I guess we technically are engaged if that is what you call the time between when you decide to get married and the day you walk down the aisle. But he and I are both traditional and know that a formal ring/ask/yes scenario is what we consider an engagement that we would announce to the world. The kids have been saying we were getting married for almost 2 years. We did sit them down two months ago when they weren’t getting along to help them realize they would be living together, not just seeing each other on weekends, so the picking on and fighting needed to be worked on. I guess I just feel very strongly that a lot of things needed to be worked out before an engagement. The respect of telling the exes so they can process it and to gague if the children are ready. So sure, we’re engaged. But I still want my ring… 🙂
Hmmm, I do remember him saying a few months ago that he considered us engaged already so you’ve given me some things to ponder…
Post # 11
SomedaymrsWDS: I too have been told soon… back in early July. My boyfriend and I are in our thirties (I’m 33; he’s 38) and money isn’t an issue for a ring.
However, when he said soon, I thought within a month or two. He meant that he’s working on a ring, it’s being custom made. We’re going on vacation this month and I highly suspect it will happen then.
That said, I did have a breakdown a few months ago and he said it would happen before our 2 year anniversary in December. After I found that out, I’ve been much better at controlling the “crazy waiting girl”.
Fingers crossed, he’s working on a custom ring.