(Closed) The Dumbest Problem!!!!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmmm…I totally get your feelings. I would say that because your engagement has been so long it will be hard for you to get people excited about the planning at first. Not only that but I think most brides will agree that we are always surprised by at least one person who just doesn’t react the way we want them to. Don’t let it get to you too much. While your sister’s situation sucks, it’s probably going to end in disaster and your marriage won’t. That’s what matters. Unfortunately, the disaster might bring it even more attention. This is just one of those situations where you really have to focus selectively, or try. I wish you all the best! 

Post # 4
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with the PP. I honestly feel your pain. I’d be peeved too, and irrationally, I’d tell you to be angry. But logically, I think we both know that you’re just going to have to deal, and hopefully people will perk up to the wedding talk the closer it gets. In my experience, people only really get excited to talk about weddings when its down to the wire. However, you can politely excuse yourself from baby talk if you really don’t want to hear about it. Its not like you don’t have something big to plan/do. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@JMonzy:

What a horrible situation for your little sister to be in. Babies are a lot of work and cost a lot of money. She will need you and your family’s emotional support more than ever right now. Especially since baby daddy sounds like a dead beat. Of course your wedding is important but it is only one day and a child is forever. You obviously really love your sister and are concerned for her. Just think how lucky you are to have found the love of your life and be entering into a marriage then starting a family on your own terms. If anything she probably feels jealous of you and possibly ashamed of all the attention her situation is getting. Try to be there for her and be excited about becoming an auntie. Maybe share the exciting details of your wedding with bridesmaids if you feel your family us more focused on the baby right now. I don’t think you’re wrong for how you’re feeling, its just sucky timing and you’ll have to make the best of it.

Post # 6
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

You have been engaged for 3 and a half years and you still expect people to get excited about your plans?  You say that everyone was super excited for you and supportive and that’s great.  But, now, it’s time for your family to be super supportive for your sister.  And, at 19, she’s going to need their support. 

Like your sister, I got pregnant (unplanned, unexpected) right before I turned 19.  The only difference between me and your sister is that my boyfriend was the same age as me, and was prepared to support (emotionally, financially, etc.) me and our baby.  And, thankfully, both of our families were extremely supportive of us.  And, yes, after the initial shock wore off, they were very excited as well.  I was so grateful to have the full support and love of both of our familes during a time where I felt so ashamed that a smart girl like me, who took every step to be sure I wouldn’t get pregnant, had the birth control fail and wound up knocked up. 

Your engagement has been a long one and you cannot expect everyone to remain excited for 3 1/2 years. 

I highly doubt that your sister went out and got herself pregnant to steal your thunder.  She is going to need your support more than ever, especially since her SO sounds like he’s not all that great of a parent. 

You still have your family’s support and, I’m sure that as your wedding date draws closer, your family’s excitement about your wedding will be renewed.  

 

Post # 7
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Umm…I get that you’re angry because you want your moment to shine…and I understand that, and i know that you don’t WANT to be mad at your sister…but I highly doubt that she intended this pregnancy (my apologies if she did), so I think that you should concentrate on supporting her through what may be a difficult time for her.

Post # 8
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BanditGirl: Agreed.  3 and 1/2 years is a long time to be engaged and expect people to put their life on hold for your wedding.

Post # 9
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I totally get where you’re coming from!!! Boy do I know where you’re coming from.

My family has a similar situation, but it’s my niece, (she’s closer in age to me then her father is), but like previous posters have said, the reality is that she needs help, your family will give it, cause that’s what families do. 

 

Post # 10
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I think some people are being a little hard on the OP. We’ve all had feelings that we aren’t necessarily proud of, and this sounds like one of those situations. I would be willing to bet that many brides would react like that, or at least have a small taste of those feelings. Deep down, everyone wants their time to be their time, and not share it with anybody else. The OP wants to be supportive, but she wants help working past these feelings because she knows they’re not ideal.

  That being said, I’m in somewhat of a similar position, only theirs was planned. What helped me get over it was that I had to put on a happy face. I faked the level of my excitement for awhile and joined in on asking all the questions. It sounds horrible, but that actually did help me get over some of those feelings. There’s also this portion of song lyrics that says, “…Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.” Those lines helped me feel immensely better, even though they didn’t really solve anything.

  I’m sure that what your sister wants right now is your support. I’ve run across that, too…not everybody shares my level of excitement in planning, and it’s okay. Once it starts to get really close, then I am sure that things will pick up. You really will get your time to shine :-).

Post # 12
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry you’re going through this! I’d be hurt too. Just know that your wedding is completely separate from her pregnancy. You’ll have your time to get pregnant! And hopefully you’ll be more prepared to get pregnant. 

Post # 13
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

@JMonzy: I had a baby young and it is so hard. Your sister is going through a lot right now-trust me. I found out I was pregnant but did not tell anyone besides my best friend and the father. Then two weeks later my older sister announced her pregnancy. I felt horrible because my baby was due first and I knew I’d be stealing some of her thunder. I expected her to be hurt and upset and to blame me for being irresponsible enough to get pregnant in the first place. Instead, she was loving, supportive and kind. Your sister needs all the love and support she can get right now.

Post # 14
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow, I think some folks are being a little hard on the OP. She’s venting about her FEELINGS which she has freely admitted she isn’t proud of. I know I’m guilty of having irrational feelings all the time, but it’s whether they are acted on or not which is key.I don’t think she ever said she wants people to “put their life on hold” for her wedding

@OP:  I feel for you and understand how this would be difficult since you’ve just gotten into the swing of things with the wedding plans and the focus has shifted. I hope you can find a way to be supportive of your sister when she needs you and work through these feelings. Good luck and happy planning! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Maybe this is a good time to lean on your friends for support.  I think you should try to talk to your bridal party about the wedding planning.  They will probably be really excited for you and they might be able to give you the feedback you’re looking for from your mother.  Give your mother a break.  It’s her first grandchild and if she’s anything like my mother, she’ll have baby on her brain for the next 9 months. 

Post # 16
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@JMonzy: I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be rude at all.  I do think being engaged that long without making plans people may have wondered if you really intended to get married and then life gets in the way, etc. etc.  If you are close with your mom, maybe you should explain?  Is your wedding date before your sister’s due date?  That may be the best scenario at this point, so that way when she does deliver you will have the stress of the wedding behind you and not feel “overshadowed.”

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