Post # 1
lately i feel like i’m walking on eggshells when it comes to any marriage/engagement talk! Its like the huge elephant in the room and i’m so uncomfortable with how any time anything to do with it gets indirectly brought up its an akward situation.
As i mentioned in my last post, a proposal is imminent based on numerous conversations we’ve had and his using of the word “fiance” to describe me to coworkers! i am perfectly fine waiting a [reasonable] amount of time to get the ring, but having said that, i feel like now that its out in the open anytime i even indirectly hint at engagement/wedding i am subtly putitng pressure on him, or he thinks that i am.
last night we were out dinner and i had two huge insert foot in mouth moments! It’s horribly uncomfortable to have this situation of wanting to be able to talk about wedding stuff or even relationship stuff without feeling like i’m dropping a bomb. We are so comfortable talking about anything with eachother but i feel like he’s uncomfortable with wedding talk, even though he is the one that brought up that he was ready and he has made it clear a ring is in the future. here are my foot in mouth moments… tell me what you think, am i overreacting?
moment #1 i went to tell him a story about a post i read on weddingbee – the point of the story i brought up was less relevant to it being about a wedding than a specific situation in the post that i thought was humorous/relevant to an inside joke we have. once i mentioned the words ‘wedding blog’ i immediately regretted it, it could have been my imagination but i think i saw his face clench uncomfortably…
moment #2 this july is our two year anniversary, and i said something along the lines of “i can’t believe we will have been together for two years this summer!” and his response indicated he felt like i was saying that in a ‘hint hint two years wheres my ring’ way. I totally wasnt, i wasnt even thinking about it… i was actually thinking about what we should do for the big anniversary since we happened to be at a really great restaurant that night having a romantic date. ugh.
i’m happy where we are in our relationship and am excited for the future. but like i said i want to be able to talk about engagement stuff without making him uncomfortable and, i dont even know if he’s uncomfortable… argh.
what do you think i should do? Avoid any wedding/engagement talk like its the plague until the proposal, or am i overreacting? i’ve thought about bringing it up, but then i’m afraid that’s just another comment that could get taken the wrong way.
Post # 3
I’d say probably leave the talk for now. He might be waiting for the right moment to ask, when you’re not expecting it.
I’m in the same situation as you; my BF has said that the proposal is coming but I have no idea when he’s going to do it. So I’ve decided not to mention it for a while and see what happens.
Post # 4
#1 – i can see how he’d be thrown by hearing you talk about looking at wedding blogs/sites when you technically aren’t engaged yet. I’d keep weddingbee to yourself for the time being!
#2 – he’s the crazy one for making anything of this. You just said your 2nd anniv. was coming up soon – that’s factual information, you were just making conversation. I don’t think you were out of line at all.
In general, I’d say try to avoid bringing up proposal/wedding/marriage talk – there’s just no point and it seems like he’s not taking it well for whatever reason at the moment.
Post # 5
thanks ! i think i will avoid it, it’s just try and hard to filter myself becuase it IS on my mind… i’ve never been good with filtering! thanks for the advice 🙂
Post # 6
Well, if you can’t talk about it then you probably aren’t ready for it 🙂
If you’ve been together 2 years, you should just sit him down and say “are you uncomfortable talking about weddings and engagement?” Ask him where he sees your relationship going in the next year, 2 years, 3 years etc. This is your future, you have every right to make plans. You do have power here. Don’t live your life with the ball constantly in his court.
I don’t like the idea that the man gets to hold this over women. That we can’t mention it unless he does first. We can’t plan our future unless it’s what he wants and suits him too.
We’re not little women anymore. Be a strong woman and take control of your future and your dreams 🙂
If he runs off scared, then, well, he isn’t worth it 😉
Post # 7
I disagree with @tobin, from your post it sounds like the proposal should be any day and you’re just feeling the tension of these last few moments of waiting. I would try really hard just to avoid using the following words, in ANY context: wedding, engagement, marriage, future, fiancee, ring, proposal. Just wipe those out of your vocabulary, and it should take some pressure off both of you. You can talk about it all you want after he proposes!
Post # 8
I would talk to him about it. Some guys like to have the proposal as a total surprise (blame hollywood for that one). If he’s telling people you’re his fiance, he waves any right to expect it to be a surprise!
Talk to him about marriage, his thoughts, your thoughts, ideas on timelines, letting him know how long it takes to plan a wedding, and most of all that talking about marriage doesn’t mean you are getting married. Just have a conversation, or several, and be calm and relaxed while having those conversations. If you’re not tense and emotional, he’ll be more relaxed (and if not, you’ll be able to stay calm if you have an attitude of “we’re adults, we’ve known each other a long time, and we are talking about something that is important to me).
Also, and DON’T do this, but it would be hillarious (but again, do NOT do it) to watch Bride Wars with him (SPOILER ALERT: since Kate Hudson’s character forces her boyfriend to propose in the middle of his office, when he was going to propose at dinner that night).
Post # 9
I agree — try talking to him in a non-threatening way to collaborate/try to compromise on what’s important to each of you. Guys generally like “collaborating” rather than being “talked to”…. men. 🙂
I’m in the same boat as you are. My BF and I actually almost broke up at one point because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and was pressuring him waaaay too much. I shut up and only a few months later, he was asking me my opinion on ceremony traditions and what he thought would be cool to do at his reception haha… go figure.
He just needed some more time and I needed to learn that if he wasn’t ready, then WE weren’t ready. It’s hard to keep the wedding word vomit in sometimes, but they do appreciate it when it’s not the right time.
Post # 10
Mr. Bee has posted something for girls “in waiting”. I would not talk about anything wedding related, as I think that it may make him wait longer to ask. 🙂