Post # 1
So Ive been reading alittle on here and I have to say its amazing to have a space where you can feel not so crazy, and everyone is so supportive! So I decided to post about my situation, Ill try to keep it as short as possible.
We have been together almost 2 years now, have lived together over a year, and I recently bought a home (that is “ours”) this Jan. Weve been talking about marriage for about a yr. Although last summer he did have a few freak out moments when we had “the one” conversations, to the point where he said I wasnt and we broke up (which only lasted a night), but the fact he could hurt me so much by saying that, even though it was long ago, always makes me nervous he will change his mind. Needless to say esp. with us moving forward and buying house etc. Ive always been a wreck about getting married. Now I know most will say ‘you are moving forward and thats great’ but I really have fears of him not commiting (hes 34 and Im 28). During our anniversary last fall we talked about being engaged around April. We looked at rings in March, and he picked one out, I know it was ready and he got it sometime in May. Still hasnt asked. Not too big of a deal, I was excited with antcipation, still fighting my emotional side, but THEN we had this hiking trip planned I thought for sure that was going to be it, then it rained so we cancelled going, last week we made a short overnight trip to somewhere new instead of the long trip to our back packing area. We had such a romantic night on the beach, blanket, picinic, candles, wine, sunset, private… and NOTHING! He didnt ask then either! When we got home he was unpacking the gear and left the ring box out in the basement… so I know he had it on the trip. Now Ive just been a wreck with why, I just feel like hes not excited about it… It also means with our work and schedules it will be over a month till we have a weekend off, so I am just a mess of emotions.
Anyone had a time they thought he would ask and didnt? Recovering from a low point in your realtionships past that has placed some fears? Im also worried he wont make the engagement special, and will just like ask on the couch one night (again I understand him asking is great but he is not romantic EVER (no birthdyas, anniversaries, etc,) and Ive learned to accept that but this is the one time I really hoped he would plan something special.
I feel like Im dirving my friends nuts always talking about it so Im hoping ppl here can relate!
Post # 2
He probably got nervous! I hear even though they know we’ll say yes, they still get nervous. I’m sure it’ll happen soon. We all have our emotional times. If I had known he’d had the ring that long I would be going crazy!!
Post # 3
I’m sorry you are having a rough time. I would be too if I found out he had taken the ring on vacation and didn’t ask! In fact, we are going on vacation at the end of the month and the ring is somewhere in our house. I know that I’m getting my hopes up and will likely come home sad and ringless. But, I don’t think we realize how nerve wracking it is for guys to propose. I bet he just got nervous.
Also, I can relate to the fear that he can change his mind. My bf broke up with me early on in our relationship (also due to him freaking out about life and the seriousness of our relationship) and even though we have been back together and strong for 4+ years, I still have moments of fear that he is going to walk back out of my life. But, just remember, he bought you a ring and is planning to propose. He loves you. Hang in there and feel free to vent. This is a pretty great community of ladies that don’t seem to judge or make me feel silly when I’m being silly. 😉
Post # 4
outdoorsycouple: From what you’re saying, it sounds like he’s unsure if he really wants to marry you. It sounds like he bought the ring and now is nervous to pull the trigger because he may be second guessing? Maybe that’s not true but from reading your post, that’s how it kind of sounds? Not to be a downer but if he’s concerned you’re “not the one” at any point, I would personally be concerned.
Post # 5
I can relate to your anxiety. My fiance purchased and picked up the ring February of this year and he proposed last Friday. During that time we went away on vacation twice and countless dates. I was so sure each time it would happen and every time it didn’t I felt a flicker of disappointment. They have their reasons for waiting (nervousness, waiting for the perfect moment, ect) and I realized (now) that they truly have no idea how much anxiety we feel when it’s drawn out so long.
The only thing that concerns me is your SO saying you weren’t the “one.” The only thing that kept me sane was my SO’s constant reassurance that there was no one else for him. Friends and family started to question if he had doubt s since he had the ring so long, but listen to your gut. I knew deep down my fiance was is in for the long haul, ring or no ring. Do you believe he wants to spend his life with you? If so then be patient and have faith that he will propose, if not then there are other more important issues that need to be addressed.