(Closed) The end of the fairytale

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’m a little unclear what’s going on with your post – are you single now or not?  There is the one line at the end about how you both still love each other that muddies the waters.  If you’re not getting married its one thing, but moving out sounds like breaking up with me. 

My advice- just do it – people are going to find out anyways you can’t avoid it.  Tell them – it will be weirder if they find it out third hand (esp in the case of your mom).  I won’t tell you how pissed my mom was when she found out I moved in with another roommate without telling her – that’s a no repeat scenario there.

 Why do you have to move out? I’ll assume financial reasons – but if you can afford the rent I’d try to get him to move out. Try some good old feminism.  If he wants change give it to him.

If you do "have" to move out – Leave the dog with him.  Until you get permanent digs you’re not in any position for a custody battle. Find some temporary housing either your moms – a sisters – a friends  and start looking for an apartment or ads looking for roommates (always a deal and would ease loneliness). Look at it this way – this is a good time to move – people are desperate for tenants this time of the year – you can get a good deal.   Move on and out if possible.  I’ve had girlfriends stay in the house with the guy and that is bad for the psyche.

One last bit of advice – say this fifty times out loud to yourself " He (name) can take a flying F*&! at the moon"   Say it multiple times any time you get too low/ frustrated.  Its very distracting to say F*&! repeatedly – always puts me in a good mood. 

 

Post # 5
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

This may sound harsh, but you don’t love each other, you love what you had when things were good between you – the memories, the plans, things you did together, your future etc. Call your Mom or go see her and just have a chat. I am sure that no matter how much she disapproved, she will be there for you. That’s how Moms are. As gaudior 23 suggested, either make him move out or move out. It will help you move on, decide about the dog. It  might be nice to have somebody to care for and prevent loneliness, then again house hunting is more difficult with a pet, do what seems right in your situation.

Post # 6
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

oh smartl, i’m so sorry to hear this. i’m sure you’ll find that your family and friends will be more supportive than anything else, so let them in to help you through this difficult time. but the healing starts with you, so i agree, if he has decided that he is not ready to get married and that you two cannot make it work, then so be it. move out so you can move on. his loss. keep your head up, and do what you need to do to be happy and go forward. be comforted knowing that you have your best fairy tale yet to come! 🙂 good luck!!

Post # 7
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My friend was in this same situation last year. Instead of telling acquaintances the engagement was off, she bought herself a huge beautiful citrine cocktail ring and wore that on her ring finger. People figured out that the engagement was off, and then they had really nice things to say about her new ring that cheered her up.

Post # 8
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA

I’m so sorry to hear about this, smarti.  Best of luck in figuring things out; only you can decide what the next best step is for you.  I wish you all the best.

Post # 9
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Hey hun I am so sorry! You know how to reach me through facebook and I am here for all your comfort needs!!! I’ll listen, be a punching bag – anything!

Hugs!

 

Hang in there, I’ll e-mail you through facebook in a bit ok?

 

Post # 11
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

I’m so sorry about this. I had a broken off an engagement b/c this jerk cheated on me with his best friend’s wife and a friend girl of theirs (Yes I’m talking like swinger stuff) before I met my current FH, no wedding date was set yet and no planning, but it was broken off nonetheless… needless to say I completely know how you feel. But one piece of advice- TAKE THE DOG WHEN YOU MOVE. DON’T LEAVE HER!!! He might not give her back. That is your baby and he broke this off girl, NOT YOU!
Take your time to mourn the loss of the relationship and the possibilities of what was to be. The people in your life will be supportive. Your mother may tell you "I told you so", but just when you tell her the news, tell her you don’t want to hear her say that, that you just need your mom and a shoulder to cry on.
Another thing no one else mentioned- don’t have breakup sex— it is really just like rubbing salt in the wound, but worse because your heart gets broken all over.

Let us know if you need anything. Sorry again.

Post # 12
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

The best "how to tell people" story I’ve heard was from the founder of a greeting card business. She also had an engagement that didn’t work out, but she had already sent out invitations. So she sent out new cards that said "single" on the front and on the inside it said "chose the wrong guy, gave the wrong finger."

Post # 14
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Yes it sucks for you. I’m really sorry that it took this long to find things out about his dreams but at least it was before you guys were married. From my experience, men that love dogs would do anything to keep them even if they say otherwise. I just wanted to share my advice. Its poo nonetheless. Just poo (insert actual expletive here). I’m very proud that you are strong enough in yourself not to bend on your beliefs/morals about how you want to raise your children and sticking to them when he throws this poo at you. I’m very sorry and hope everything works out for you (without mom saying told you so)… and you get your puppy. 😉 Cause a girl needs nothing more than her sweet pup! Screw the jerk exes! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

haha, love it, baghdad bride!

Post # 16
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA

I read the same story as BaghdadBride a few years ago!  I’v always remembered that story   I think it’s a great way to make light of a painful situation without necessarily discounting the fact that you’re going through something difficult.  Even though this doesn’t sound like a spiteful breakup in which you’d tell everyone you "gave him the wrong finger," maybe sending out a similar card or an invitation to a "liberation celebration" for yourself will be the way you can let everyone know what’s going on without having to make lots of painful phone calls.  Out of it I am sure you will get the love, support, and laughter that you need at a time like this!

And about the dog — if he wants to be touring 6 months out of the year, he can’t really create a stable home for the pup.  You should definitely argue this point if he gives you any resistance when you want to take the dog.  It’s the least he can do.  

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