Post # 1
I see so many posts about the +1 question, but I have another one to add into the mix…
We have had a really hard time keeping our guest list within our space and budget limitations. We ultimately decided that one way to keep our guest list down (and ultimately allow us to invite more of the people who are special to us) was to keep +1s limited.
When we sent out save the dates, we decided to allow the following people to bring their SO:
- Married couples
- Engaged couples
- Wedding party
- Dating couples if we’re really close with both people OR if the person doesn’t really know other people at the wedding.
This put us in a position where we have the exact amount of people we can accommodate with no wiggle room whatsoever, and I thought we were all set.
Fast forward a few months…we’re about to send out our invites, and in the months since our STDs went out, a bunch of our friends have gotten engaged, and one of my cousins got knocked up by her boyfriend! Now I feel like I have to invite the new fiances (who weren’t included previously) and my cousin’s baby daddy. But if I do that, we risk going over our limit (in fact, we probably will.)
What do I do? I can’t uninvite people who already got STDs. But I also don’t want to offend my friends by not inviting their new fiances (they’ll know once they get to the wedding that other people got to bring fiances.) Ahh the guest list is sooo stressful! Any advice would be much appreciated!
Post # 3
Do you think that all these people will be able to come to the wedding? We had a lot of people RSVP ‘no’ to our wedding because it required flying a distance.
Post # 4
It sounds like you will only be ‘over’ by a few people, so I think odds are in your favor that enough ‘no’s’ will come in to counter-balance it. And if you are a few people over hopefully the solution can be to just make room – even though it’s a little crowded. Unless fire codes won’t allow it.
Can you call these people in the meanwhile and explain the situation? Taht you were originally stretching teh space assuming they wouldn’t have a plus-one, but don’t want to just say no to them so it’s a wait-and-see situation? I think that would be the nicest thing and if they’re reasonable people they will understand.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Not everyone will RSVP yes. It’s too bad people’s lives keep changing in between making out the guestlist and sending the invitations though, huh? 🙂
We actually unintentionally didn’t invite a friend’s relatively new, but pretty serious boyfriend, and I felt guilty about it for a long time, even though we were already over our original (self-imposed) limit. I did extend the invite once I thought of it, but that was several weeks later and he couldn’t make it. It’s better not to hurt your friends’ feelings by saying their serious relationships matter less!
Post # 6
Yeah, I do realize that many people will not RSVP “yes” (we have a LOT of out-of-town invitees) so we’ve already invited more than we can accommodate counting on this fact (we’ve invited 240 and don’t want to go over 175 – and cannot fit over 190 – many of those “extra” people have already stated they cannot make the trip, but there are some that could surprise us and show up.) I’m really stressed about how far over our invite list is, but literally could not get my parents or in-laws to agree on cutting the list down further.
Post # 7
That’s really tough – I would definitely invite the cousin’s baby-daddy, since it’s a family thing, and maybe move some of the newly-engaged friends to a b-list? And when you have your responses in, if you have space invite both halves and if you don’t invite just the original friend? And then call the friends and say that you’re really having trouble with fire-codes and you totally wish you could include the new fiances. But really, the people who should understand this the best are other people planning weddings! They should understand! Good luck..
Post # 8
@hopewell, thats a really good suggestion. The newly engaged friends won’t notice if they get the invite a little later than everyone else, and that way I have a chance to make an educated decision on whether we can accommodate their fiances. And you’re right – since they’re engaged too, they’re probably dealing with the same stuff. I know I would understand if a friend wasn’t able to invite my FI, especially if they’ve never met him before. Thanks for the advice!
Post # 9
I would invite them all… as much as I hate the idea! (same thing happened here). We just hope not everyone shows up, is that messed up?
Post # 10
I think you just invite them all- bc weather or not you like it- they will probably show anyways no matter what the RSVP count. And if your parents won’t budge on their list, I would still seriously consider skimming through their lists and seeing who is actually close to you and your FI, not just your parents, and the people that you hardly know or see possibly cut them out.
Post # 11
Yeah…I’ve cut a lot of people I’m not close to AND people I am close to. These fiances are the only people on my list that I’ve never met personally, which is why its hard.
Post # 12
I think that the newly engaged guests should get their +1. I’m sorry to say that, because I know how much of a challenge that must be for you as the organizer. But I think your guests would feel so invalidated in their excitement and the new commitment they are undertaking, if their relationship wasn’t recognized while coming to celebrate your new commitment.