Post # 1
Reading some of these posts on destination weddings reminds me of the agony we went through when deciding where we were going to get married. Yes, we decided to have a destination wedding, and of all places for an American bride…Scotland. WHy Scotland? Do we have family there? NO. Are we of Scottish ancestry? NO. So why?
First, some background. I’m from the East Coast, and now live on the West Coast via the Southwest (still with me?). I picked up the boy in the Southwest, and he moved up to the Northwest with me. His family remains down there and my family is spread out but mainly up and down the East Coast. When we were deciding for a place, neither one of us wanted our home towns, and we haven’t been living in our current place long enough for it to really feel like home. On top of that we wanted something small and intimate, and I didn’t want to feel forced to invite coworkers, etc who I don’t really know well yet. Well, I wanted people there, and he just plain wanted to elope. Our compromise? A destination wedding. To Europe. Which is unfortunately really, really expensive at the moment compared to the States.
We had just gotten a house when we got engaged so we debated here vs there for a long, agonizing couple of months. Should we have our dream destination wedding (which was actually cheaper for us than a local wedding venue we liked), or make family happy by picking somewhere where they would still have to travel? We decided it was best for us to go with our dream, and that way we could have our wedding and keep it small and everyone would get a week long vacation as the two families meet for the first time and our family reunites for the first time in almost 5 years (my immediate family has not all been together in that long due to military siblings and my own nomadic lifestyle).
Hearing people talk about cost, I do feel for our guests, as we let them know that we could not pay for their airfare or hotel costs. We hooked them up with a travel agent and worked out discounts on the b and b (where the reception is also to be held), but it still bothers me that we couldn’t pay for them. While we did make it clear that no one was obligated to go and we understood the sacrifices that went with our choice, it still haunts me that people might not be happy with our choice. That we might be asking too much of our loved ones. And though we will host a dinner and afew events and spend quality time with those who come, will we ever regret this decision?
Is that one other people feel about their DW? Is a Destination Wedding the one “venue choice” that comes with constant second guessing and more headache than it’s worth? What do you guys think? ARe you happy and sticking with it or wish it had gone one way or the other?
I know we will still be getting married in Scotland next September, but there is a part of me that really hopes it will be worth it.
Post # 3
um i totally know how you feel! and i didnt know any of this stress and agony would with planning a Destination Wedding until long after i started planning it. and it doesnt stop! i really thought, what a great idea, a Destination Wedding, its cheaper, my dream is to get married on a beach, Fiance doesnt want a big, fancy wedding….couldn’t be a better choice for us!
but then the issues came when choosing a date – my sister is a teacher, so can’t travel just anytime, her husband is am immigrant, so he can’t travel anywhere, FI’s mother has health problems, FI’s sister has financial problems, lots of my friends who i would LOVE to be there simply cannot.
right now as it stands, we are having our Destination Wedding in Jamaica in 3 months. my family has all booked, my sister is bringing a 4 month old baby (she got pregnant and is on maternity leave which opened up my freedom to choose a date), bit NO ONE in FI’s family has booked! i am horrified at the idea of having our wedding with only my family and friends! and i totally question if it was worth it. thing is, there is no way i could have afforded a wedding in my hometown
Post # 4
yep yep. Getting married in Northern Ireland. Yeah, some people can’t attend. I wouldn’t feel bad, I mean they don’t have to go, its not mandatory. So its their choice.
Post # 5
@dynamic_duo: Yeah, it’s similar with us that it’ll be mostly by family and friends who are coming. Only his mom and grandma will be coming, and i’m kind of bummed about that. We knew when we decided but I had hoped more of his family could come.
@Atalanta: Oh, Northern Ireland should be beautiful. It’s nice to see another Destination Wedding bride getting hitched in Europe!
Post # 6
I am also having a destination wedding and I have zero regrets as of now nor have I ever questioned having a destination wedding. I don’t forsee ever having any regrets. I am sad to hear some of you are having those feelings. 🙁 Maybe some of my thoughs will help reassure you all!
I NEVER thought I was a destination wedding kind of girl, but I was also not the kind of girl who though about what kind of wedding I would have until very recently. I have been to tons of wedding in the last 5 years – friends, family, and both of my brothers. I only starting thinking about my own once my now fiance and I starting discussing getting married. I was at a huge wedding of someone close to me. I only saw the bride twice for maybe a total of 2 minutes and I had flown all the way there for the wedding. I did see her for a few minutes at the rehearsal the night before as well, but that was it. That is when it dawned on me that I didn’t want to be this huge center of attention and not get to spend any real time with the people who would come to my wedding. (my fiance and I have huge families so there was no small non-destination wedding in our futures).
I am so happy we are doing a destination wedding because I know that those people who can make it will get to spend a lot of real time together and that I won’t have to be in the spotlight as much. I don’t want to have a 1st dance in front of 200+ people, just not my thing! Yes there are people who can’t make it that we would like to have there – but we knew that from the start that would be the case with many of our friends and family. I think we were mentally prepared for that to happen. We also are going to have announcement parties in each of our home towns after the wedding for those family/friends that could not make it and I really do think that helps (nothing major – just bbq or something)
I think if you picked a destination wedding in the beginning try to remember why you did and that might help you with any feelings of regrets!!
Post # 7
@eleroo02: It’s amazing there. I’m just terrifyed it’ll rain. that would ruin it.
Post # 8
We’re having a Destination Wedding too and I think what you are feeling is totally normal. We ended up doing what we wanted and we know that it will be worth it. It still hurts a little to hear comments like, “Your choices are excluding people who love you,” but we know that some people would have missed out no matter where we had it (we have family spread all over).
Don’t let it get to you too much. I think every bride has a little bit of grief when it comes to making choices for their wedding. Just remember that its YOUR big day and you need to make it special and meaningful for you and your man.
Post # 9
@eleroo02: hello, was looking around for info on weddings in scotland and came across your post.
Me ad SO are considering a small Destination Wedding in scotland (about 20 people). I’m half irish and half italian but UK raised and he is from the states so we have family and friends everywhere so it will be a destination wedding for some pleople no matter where we do it.
can I ask how much did it cost? what did you pay for? how many people attended? and most of all was it worth it? any tips to offer?
Thanks in advance!