Post # 1
So I wrote a post about this here already:
Ex texts (long)
Basically, my ex from over 2 years ago (I met my now husband pretty soon after I broke up with my ex and we got married after dating for two years) has been texting me a lot lately.
We haven’t spoken for over a year, and that time was the only time since a few weeks after we broke up that we have.
I blocked his phone number cause the texts were kinda crazy, like threatening to kill himself etc.
Now I get an EMAIL on my school account from him. Which is a brand new email account that he never knew of. Asking me “just to acknowledge that he exists” cause he’s “haunted by me.”
What do I do? Do I write him back?
I feel like we had an okay relationship that went bad, and the longer we had been apart, the more I realized how bad it was. All this just brings up those bad feelings. But I feel like I should acknowledge him somehow…
Ugh. Advice? Please?
Post # 3
DO NOT reply. It will only fuel him. Think of it like a child seeking attention: they will do anything (positive or negative) and responding in ANY WAY will just reinforce that. Not responding will actually HELP him get over you.
Post # 4
Honestly, I would be worried that responding in any way would encourage him to try and contact you further. He’s trying to emotionally manipulate you back into his life (even in a small, texting way), and that’s not fair or healthy for you. It’s an awful situation, but I would just ignore it.
Post # 5
don’t write back. block his email account. you mentioned he has threatened to kill himself, and that the relationship wasn’t very healthy- those are red flags to me that this guy is trying to manipulate and control you even though the relationship is long over. responding to him is not a good idea.
Post # 6
I’d give him “My life has changed a lot since we were together, and I’m very content. I’m sorry, but my new life cannot include you. I wish you happiness.” Or something to that effect.
Sounds like if you ignore him he’ll just continue, or if you feed into it, he’ll continue. This guy needs to be told once, clearly, that you and he no longer have a relationship.
Post # 7
I truly know exactly how you feel. I went through some crazy stuff at the end of a prior relationship, with a man that I did love, but now realize I might have stayed in that relationship because I was in love with the craziness of that relationship if that makes sense? We did a lot of back and forth and that end and then I finally cut ties. But then the texts and emails got crazy, once I started dating my now Darling Husband. The ex actually threatened to show up at the wedding and stop it. Eventually he sent me a similar email begging me to acknowledge him and I sent him and email. That basically said I have moved on and I am in a very good place and I wish you could just do the same. I want you to be as happy as I am. After that he hasn’t contacted me since. It however was risky. Just make sure you’re safe whatever you do.
Post # 8
I wonder if you should have your husband contact him? Not threaten but just state that you and he are really happy and that it’s time for the ex to move on. He should be adamant that further contact will not be tolerated and you will take action if needed.
Otherwise I agree with PP’s that you shouldn’t email him back.
Post # 9
I would ignore him for sure. As others said in PP he’s trying to manipulate you into contacting him. I would just leave it be and block him in any and every way you can. Also, I would make sure to keep all your information private if you can, and remove anything from Facebook/social sites that could be used to contact you. He sounds like he will try anything, just keep safe!
Post # 10
I would send one e-mail formally requesting that he stop contacting you before blocking his e-mail. If you can send this message from a program that will generate a read receipt that proves he got and opened it, all the better.
Don’t respond to any subsequent messages, but do save then and print them.
If, heaven forbid, you need to seek a restraining order of some kind you’ll want to have copies of both your communication with him asking him to leave you alone and proof that he ignored you. Save the texts, too.
His mental health is his own business and it’s not your job to keep him from doing something self-destructive and irresponsible.
(The above assumes you haven’t got anything that explicitly states that you do not want him calling, e-mailing, texting, etc. If you DO have stuff like that then just save whatever he sends you, don’t respond and start thinking about whether you want to take further steps.)
Post # 11
Dont reply. I wouldnt. I think if you do reply he will just keep at it
Post # 13
DO NOT REPLY. He is not your responsibility, don’t let him make you feel like he is. He needs to get his own shit together and nothing you do or say is going to do that for him.
Post # 14
@double0bride: That’s kind of what I’m thinking.
@mwitter80: He was my first serious boyfriend and I kind of just thought that’s how relationships *were.* Like, everybody fights, right? Its hard to realize how unhealthy a relationship is when you’re in it.
@Talishazwi: He keeps offering. But I don’t know if that would be helpful for anyone? I know the guy has some serious mental issues with depression, and I feel that having my husband call him would be rubbing my husband in his face and make things worse. But then maybe he’d get the message….
@Cornhusker: He de-friended me on facebook years ago, as well as any mutual friends we have. I have no idea how he got my email address, unless he just guessed. But I don’t think he even knew I was back in school?
We live on opposite sides of the country, (I think – I actually don’t know where he is now) so I wasn’t too worried, but now I kind of am.
Post # 15
How old is this guy if you don’t mind me asking? I was younger, 19-21, when I had to deal with ex’s of this sort. I had 2 threaten to commit suicide (they never did), one I had to threaten to call the police if he came over to my house in the middle of the night, like he said he was going to do. It was all very physically and emotionally draining. Now that you are out of that relationship, you need to not look back. ANY type of contact, and I mean ANY, is what they want. Whether they try to piss you off to get you to write back something mean, or when you don’t, then they will start begging and being all sweet to just get you to “acknowlege him”. It may be hard to do bc you want to seem “nice” and grown and civil, but in this case, when dealing with “men” like this, the right thing to do is DON’T LOOK BACK. You also might want to think of it this way (this helped me FINALLY cut all ties with a 4 year ex back and forth) but when I met my fiancee, this “ex” tried to ruin things in the beginning of our relationship, and fiance said “either you fix this, or I will”. And I realized then that if I was to have a serious life and relationship with this man, I had to stop trying to be “nice and friendly” to my ex. Still to this day he emails me randomly, but I still have to ignore him. It’s hard, and hurts to think you are having to be “mean”, but it will be worth it when you start your new life with your future husband 🙂 Don’t let the crappy past ruin what you have right in front of you 🙂
Post # 16
DO NOT REPLY. If you continue to avoid him, he will eventually leave you alone. Once you respond, you’re opening it all back up again (back to square one).