The Ex says he made a huge mistake…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

hatched:  I don’t think that pang means anything. You are happy now but this guy still hurt you so yes when he comes back and says I made a mistake your reaction would be well why couldn’t you see that a year ago. I wouldn’t continue a friendship with him though.

Post # 3
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Exes always have a nasty habit of showing back up right when you’ve forgotten them and moved on – it’s almost like life’s way of play cruel games with us! Goodness knows it has happened to me several times and I should have been smart enough to ignore the attempts at contact. It took me way too long to cut a certain ex (or two!) out! Leave your ex in the past – accept that your relationship with Mr New is exciting and special and that your ex is in the past for a reason. It’s natural to feel those confused feelings – but forget him! He made his bed and now you get the satisfaction of telling him to lay in it. I wouldn’t recommend keeping in contact with your ex at all – this can quickly become a slippery slope to dangerous territory, especially if the attraction is still there! 🙂 

Post # 4
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

I call it exboyfriend season… Happens April/May… Let him know you’re doing fabulous and move forward with your day.

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

hatched:  Your ex finds out that you’re happy and finally moving on and now he chooses to pop out of the woodwork and tell you he wants another chance?  Fishy to say the least.  I would remind myself of why the relationship didn’t work out with the ex and stop communicating with him.  In the unlikely event that your ex has actually changed, why would you gamble on a guy that totally devastated you when you have an awesome guy right in front of you?

Post # 6
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I think it’s ok to have pangs– and it doesn’t have to mean anything other than you have emotions tied to your Ex. Having a new partner doesn’t just kill all previous emotions, does it.  I think that would be really weird, actually.  As long as you don’t start second guessing everything you have now, that is!!!

Good luck with Mr. New. He sounds wonderful!

(And yes, you should feel vindicated! Winning!)

 

Post # 8
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I think the pangs and “what ifs” that you are describing are TOTALLY normal and not something you should worry about. Think of it as a typical, understandable reaction to hearing from someone you used to have feelings for, remind yourself of all the reasons he is NOT the right man for you, and let it go. There are always “what might have beens” but we can’t let ourselves get caught up in dreaming about them because they are in the past and we have to focus on the future.

Post # 9
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

My ex pretty regularly does this, when he’s feeling lonely or having problems with whatever girl he’s with. At first I found it kind of flattering, but now frankly I’m just insulted by it. Like you think you are such hot shit that I’m just gonna ruin what I’ve got now for your passing whim? Like I’ve just been sitting here pining for you to come back

I know you said you’re not interested in getting back with him and that’s great. Stick with that thought process. The sad thing is most guys are very good at figuring out what to say to get women back (made a huge mistake, you’re the only one for me, I’ve been thinking about you ever since we split, I miss us together)

Don’t let this guy ruin your current good relationship because he’s feeling lonely and jealous you’re happy without him. Cause if you did get back together, chances are very very high it would end in exactly the same way.

Post # 10
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

The pang is normal. Do as PP said–tell him you’re doing great and to have a nice day. No need to dwell on him.

I have an ex that treated me terribly but I had low self esteem and just wanted him to love me. I had no self respect and acted like a crazy person. Years later, he’s not doing well and I’m doing great and happily married. I’ve run into him a few times through the years and every time I get a weird pang just because I remember what it was like. He tells me he’s happy I’m doing well but that he wishes he had treated me better blah blah blah. Whatever. Even though it shouldn’t matter, be glad YOU’RE the one that got away and happily enjoy a real, respectful relationship with Mr. New. 

Post # 11
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m gonna share something with you that my therapist taught me:

Put your hands on your lower belly and ask yourself “Mr. Ex, yes or no?”

Put your hands on your heart and ask yourself “Mr. Ex, yes or no?”

Put your hands on your head and ask yourself “Mr. Ex, yes or no?”

Chances are your pelvis will say ‘yes!’ And the rest will say ‘no!’ or ‘hell no!’ So here’s the thing, your head is the center of Reason (comes w all the prejudices and irrational fears too), your heart is the center of Emotion and your pelvis is the center of Impulse/Creativity. it sounds a lot like you’re having impulsive moments where you miss the pelvis-pelvis connection and attraction, but that the rest of you is unimpressed by this comeback. Anyway, do the same thing over with Mr. New and see if there’s a difference!

P.S. I’d totally feel vindicated and triumphant! 

Post # 12
Member
397 posts
Helper bee

hatched:  I once had a great guy that I was seeing. Things could have gotten much more serious. However, he was not aggressive enough in his approach, and I eventually distanced myself.

I met my (now) DH, and let him know that I was head over heels… It didn’t take long for the former guy to reflect and let me know how he “really messed up” his window of opportunity. It wasnt a “I want to be with you now” sort of thing… Just a “Yeah… If I could go back, I def would have done things differently.”. I married soon after, and he got engaged. So, things work out the way they are supposed to. I did feel an instant sense of “hmmm… What would have/could have been?” when wondering IF he had had a more aggressive approach in becoming exclusive and carrying on our relationship, but also know (and am SO glad!) that there is a reason that I never found out.

Post # 13
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’ve been here before. The pangs are completely normal, don’t feel guilty, just keep living your life. There will always be a temptation to dwell on Mr. Ex when/if things get tough with Mr. New, but don’t look back. My ex had a sixth sense for when I was happy and thriving, and tried multiple times to ruin that because he was subsequently unhappy. Enjoy the satisfaction of the situation, but don’t get involved any further. Just pretend it never happened. Good luck to you and Mr. New 🙂

Post # 14
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

hatched:  Happened to me before. My ex told me numerous times he made a mistake, I was the love of his life, biggest regret “the one who got away, blah blah blah. I will admit the first times he made contact after the breakup I did attempt to talk to him and gain “closure” but I could see he was only trying to manipulate me into getting involved with him again, then would get very emotionally abusive when I refused. 

I ended all contact with him and literally 2 months later met my current FI and I’ve never been happier. As for the ex – blocked him on all social media and changed my number so I won’t need to take those messages anymore! I think you should focus all your love and attention on Mr. New and don’t stress about what might have been!  

Post # 15
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Getting dumped out of nowhere sucks. Been there. He did try contacting me after but I knew I could never trust him and would constantly wonder if he was happy or if I would be blindsided again. That isn’t a feeling I wanted in my life so there wasn’t any reason to look back. 

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