- 3 years ago
So, I had an interesting day today.
I got a call from my Ex.
A bit of back-story: He totally broke my heart just over a year ago when he broke up with me out of the blue. We hadnt been together very long but I fell for him really hard- 4 months in I was planning our whole future together (in my head of course!), which is VERY unlike me. He was saying all sorts of things about how “this was it” for him and then one day without any warning just “I’m not feeling what I think I should feel”. Anyway, he was very nice about it and he was honest so I cant really diss him for that. I can honestly say that prior to him I had been truly heartbroken only once before. That relationship took me nigh on 3 years to recover from but that’s another story…
So, knowing what I did wrong the first time around (re: handling heartbreak) I set about doing all the “right” things, starting with deleting his number, no contact, finding some new actvities to be involved in, renovating my house…etc. To my surprise, I met someone 6 months later (Mr New) and we hit it off straight away. The most loving, thoughtful man I could ever think to meet. We get along so well and being with him made me realise what was wrong with my previous relationship (with ALL of my previous relationships for that matter).
However, I broke up with Mr New after only a couple of months as I freaked out because things were progressing VERY quickly and truth be told, whilst I realised what a catch he was, I still needed a little more time to deal with the remnant feelings for my Ex. We stayed in touch though and while I missed him terribly, I stayed silent about my feelings because I didnt want to give him false hope. About 4 months later Mr New suggested we try again – no pressure.
So, since January we have been back together and it has been going great. We are exclusive but he hasnt pressured me into spending every spare second together, and we have just let things progress naturally. Now I’m completely smitten with him, haha – this man knows how to win a woman over!
Im almost 36, before my Ex I was single for about 5 years, so I kind of like my independence. Mr New understands this and accommodates the random “alone” days that I want, without judgement or jealousy.
So anyway, today I got a call from my Ex. I didnt know it was him at first, because I had deleted his number from my phone a year ago. We chatted for a bit, caught up on the news, he asked if I was seeing anyone and I said I was, that work was going well, and I have a holiday planned at the end of the year and that life was good. He ended the conversation shortly after that, but he txted me a while later saying that he had made a “huge mistake” with me.
So here’s the thing, I dont want to get back together with him (because of Mr New but also because I now see how we were just wrong for each other), but we had such a strong attaction for each other that I admit I did feel a pang of …I dont know, regret? irritation? sadness about what could have been but now will never be?
Dont get me wrong, as I said, I dont want to get back together with him and I am very much committed to my current relationship, Mr New is so very good for me and I him – though our relationship is definitely different, and the attraction is different too. With Mr New its less about physical attraction (though I am attracted to him, just not drool-into-my-cup-crazy type of attraction) but more about who he is, how he conducts himself and the crazy positive outlook he has even in some really crappy situations. My Ex is a bit more of a negative outlook person but boy-oh-boy the physical attraction was seriously out of this world.
I dont know why I’m even writing this really, just rambling, and I dont want to say any of this to my friends, who have now all met Mr New. I guess its just annoying that a) the Ex sent the text at all and b) that I had a reaction to it, however brief, and however confused.
I just always thought that the true indication of being over someone would be “indifference” in a situation like this. Now I feel guilty that there was even a pang of…something, when I feel like I should have felt nothing. Especially as I dont want to go there again, and I am happy where I am (and who I am with) now.
So I’m just curious, has this ever happened to anyone else? Did you feel indifferent? Or did you feel sad? Or did you feel bloody awesome and validated because, hey- he dumped you, and now he regrets it, you win!
- This topic was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by hatched.