Post # 1
My FI had clearly had some more time to think about wedding than I did before we got engaged and immediately knew he wanted 4 groomsmen and asked them the night we got engaged. In hindsight, not a great move as I was sort of stuck with 4 bridesmaids. (yes yes i know its ok to have uneven numbers but i was trying not to)
So 3 of my 4 were obvious but I struggled with the 4th. There was my college roommate, my cousin, and my best guy friends’ wife, “amy”. In the end I picked my cousin because she is family, I love her, and it avoided the most drama. I love my college roommate but I knew she would be a tricky bridesmaid but also offended if she wasn’t a BM. my best friends wife is awesome and I knew she would have been a rockstar but that I would hurt college roommates feelings by picking amy over her.
So 7 months later the college roommate is not around but amy has been like a bridesmaid. offering to help with dress searching in her city, planning the bachlorette party, listening and just being super supportive.
I think it would be tacky to make her a BM now, 5 months after I asked the rest of the girls but in hindsight I wish I would have risked hurting college roommates feelings and uneven numbers to include Amy.
So how do I recognize Amy’s support and friendship without making her a BMs?
Post # 3
i dont know if it is tacky- i would just be up front and honest with her. explain your reasonings about why you didn’t originally make her a bridesmaid, ask if she’d like to be one now, and if she says no, find another way to honor her on the day
Post # 5
@Snowy414: I consciously had this problem too, but at 6 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen, 7 bridesmaids was out of the question! I’m planning on asking my 7th “BM” to be my day-of wedding coordinator, since she got married years ago and knows the drill. Can you ask her to do another important wedding day job, like coordinator or usher? Something in the wedding so she doesn’t feel left out!
Post # 6
I had the same problem. She will be doing a reading (and is really excited about it) and I made sure I got her a special gift and wrote her a heartfelt note. She will also be catching up with my bridesmaids and I for mani/pedis the day before the wedding.
Post # 7
This is where you insert a personal attendent! she can be recognized and be with you all day, and not have to stand in a line. another option (one I am doing) is having a female usher or usherette as we now call her! she is someone important to us and our wedding so we gave her that job, are getting to choose close that match the wedding without being a bridesmaid and will be included in pictures and the like!
Post # 8
@pengoala: I was going to ask her to help the day of becauseshe has been there before and she is just an amazing planner, coordinator.
@MrsPinkPeony: I thought about readings but I don’t know if we are going to do any. Her husband is officianting our wedding.
I thought about asking her to be a bridesmaid but I just feel so cheap about it. Also she’d have to order her dress within days which also sucks. Its also almost worse that I was a bridesmaid for her. I know she doesn’t care that she is not because she is that type of woman but I do. Those are the type of women you want standing next to you on the day of.
Post # 9
I see no reason why you cant ask her to be a BM, just be honest with her about it like pp said.
Post # 10
I asked 3 of my bridesmaids in March when I got engaged- then in December I asked 2 other girls with whom I was super close with. I let them know we were planning a smaller bridal party but the more I thought about it, I didn’t want to get married without them standing there next to me! They were so touched they both said yes and started crying which caused me to cry! (We were also sitting in the middle of a bar- crying! LOL!)
Post # 11
I would just ask her anyway.
Post # 12
I would ask her! I had this same issue when I got married. I had asked my fiance’s close female cousin, kind of out of obligation and she ended up never ordering her dress or wanting to participate in anything. I asked the cousin to step down (in a nice way of course). I then explained this to my good friend that I originally would have asked, and let her know she wasn’t an afterthought and I would love to have her stand beside on my wedding day. It worked out beautifully and she was so honored.
Post # 13
Hmm when all of you explain how you asked it makes me think make its not as tacky as I think it is. I have been thinking for months how I at least wanted to explain to her how I picked my bridesmaids so maybe I will start there.