(Closed) The Great Diamond Debate…

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

This is a tricky decision for both of you, because you have to be sensitive about his feelings (about what he wants you to have, and about him paying for it). But I just wanted to say that diamonds are NOT an investment. A diamond bought secondhand at 50% of retail MIGHT maintain its value. A diamond bought at retail will lose half its value the second the return policy expires. All over eBay, Craigslist and other classifieds you can see evidence of this as people try in vain to sell their diamonds for anything close to what they paid.

How do you two feel about possibly upgrading in the future, and using a placeholder stone, like a moissanite or a beautifully cut CZ, for now? You can get your forever setting now, with a beautiful stone, and replace it with a diamond when you have the funds. (You may find the “placeholder” is so beautiful that you won’t want a diamond down the road, but that’d be a bonus!)


Post # 4
4109 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Hey newbee! There’s alot going on in this post, but I’ll keep it brief. First, a diamond is not an investment- it sucks, but you’d never be able to sell it for what you’ll pay, regardless of the number listed on the appraisal.

If I were you & because of his finances, I would look into getting a reasonably sized moissy & keeping your stone choice to yourself. Or a sapphire if you really love them. Or a smaller diamond he can afford. They are all gorgeous choices & it’s nobody’s business what you pick anyway- 2 carats is not a must for everyone & stone size in no way reflects how much he loves you. I thought your post was alittle too focused on $$ to be honest. In the end, you guys need to go with what your comfortable with.

Good luck & come back to show off your bling when you get it.

Post # 5
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Just a perspective–a high-quality sapphire isn’t necessarily cheaper than a diamond.  Depends on cut, clarity, etc.  Because of these factors, my e-ring (all sapphires) cost more than some of the diamond rings we were looking at.  Darling Husband was thrilled that he was able to get me a beautifully cut, high-quality stone for the budget he was on, and we decided to go that route instead of smaller, lower-quality diamonds.  I say, if you love sapphire, go that route and don’t worry about the haters that think that’s the “cheap” way out.

Post # 6
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I would look into pawn shops or ebay for a diamond.  If I had given it more thought, I would have done this myself because of the savings.  Get a great diamond for a fantastic price and have it reset in the setting of your choice.

Post # 7
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Coming from the perspective of never wanting a diamond center stone, I am so excited to be picking out sapphires with my SO for my ring πŸ™‚

Why I don’t want a diamond:

EXPENSIVE for a decent one of a decent size! It’s not like he couldn’t afford it if that’what what my heart was set on, but it’s not. And it makes me feel really yucky inside to think of spending thousands on a diamond when I don’t really feel attached to it. 

TOO SPARKLY! Yes, I swear I’m female. I like the bit of sparkle the tiny diamond give off, but I have always wanted a large center stone, and large diamonds just sparkle too much. And, I don’t like the rainbows they throw. Just not my style. As a result, this definitely excluded diamond and moissanite as center stones.

CONFLICT! Although there are policies for conflict free diamonds, I am still iffy on this, as they CAN be circumvented.

BORING! Everybody I know that has gotten engaged has had a similar or less budget than ours, and they just felt they HAD to have a diamond, and it had to be of a certain size. I’m all for getting what you want, but I’ve seen too many friends post pictures of their 0.5-1 carat diamonds that are cloudy and yellow-tinted because they couldn’t afford a nice clarity/color, but still wanted that ROCK for some reason. IF I really wanted a diamond, I would much rather go for a smaller, better quality, colorless than a honkin’ piece of diamond doo-doo.

We have decided to go with a white sapphire as my center stone in a halo ring of small VS diamonds. The white sapphires still sparkle, but they don’t throw rainbows (occassionally in the right light, but not often). Instead they throw a steely blue-gray light that I am in love with. Also, I can get a nicely cut, clear white sapphire of a decent size for much less than a crappy diamond of the same size.

tl,dr: Get what you want! There are a ton of reasons not to get a diamond!

Post # 8
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

I would get an AMORA moissanite.  It is very beautiful and budget friendly.  You don’t have to tell your Mom it isn’t a diamond. 

Post # 9
1903 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Why does it need to be 2 carats exactly, I think your mother has unrealistic expectations. Just go out together and pick something out you BOTH love, you and your partner, and at a price he can afford.

Fortunes change over time, he may not have the money now, but he may later. And money can’t buy you love πŸ™‚

Post # 10
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I just received an amazing sapphire enagement ring (with some small diamonds) that I am absolutely in love with. My mom is alot like yours, somewhat materialistic. Although she doesn’t say anything about how big it needs to be, she has always said that diamonds are the only stone that should be in an enagagement ring. I didn’t tell her that I wanted a sapphire ring and when my Fiance and I got engaged I could tell by the look on her face that she was less than thrilled with my ring at first. However, she has grown to love it because she sees how much I love it. Ultimately it’s not her ring, it’s not her wedding, and she is not the one that is getting married. You and yout Fiance have to decide what is most important to the two of you. Like a previous poster has said, a good quality sapphire ring can be more expensive than some diamond ones. My sapphire was hand picked out of a mine in Thailand by my FI’s family while they were on a trip and it means more to me than any diamond in this world ever could.


Sorry for rambling, hope that helps. Good luck with everything πŸ™‚ 

Post # 11
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Get a moissanite! You’ll get a beautiful stone and it can be big enough to keep your mother quiet. πŸ™‚

Post # 12
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Sorry, I didn’t finish the post. You can just get a smaller diamond and give your mother the crazy-eye if she says anything about it. That’s what I did. πŸ˜€ If your Fiance feels he should give you a diamond, then let him do it, but it doesn’t have to be huge to please your mom.

If you do manage to convince him of a gemstone, get a moissy, and don’t even bother explaining to your mom.

Post # 13
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have to agree with the PP’s who said that a diamond isn’t an investment.  Unless you buy one from a pawn shop or Craig’s List at a fraction of it’s value, you’ll likely lose money no matter what size you buy.  It sucks, but it’s the way of the diamond industry…much like buying a brand spanking new car that will depreciate in value the moment it’s driven off the lot.  They’re valuable, but don’t have a high resale value if that makes sense?  It sounds like you guy is wonderful, and possibly a little worried about what your family will think.  You have so many options when it comes time to picking out a ring, so I wouldn’t stress over it and he shouldn’t either.  Off the top of my head, things you two could discuss if you’re interested:

Don’t get a diamond engagement ring.  Go with a sapphire (although they’re also still pricey depending on what you get) with diamond accents, or a Moissanite, or an Asha or other CZ in a good setting…you can switch out the stones at a later date and no one needs to know.

If a diamond is a must for you or your Fiance, look at pawn shops, craig’s list, ebay, and check out Jewelry store websites if they have a ‘previously owned’ category, which can sometimes save a lot of money.  Look into small local jewelers, who don’t have as high of a markup, and look at loose diamonds online as well, and even check websites like Overstock.com or Walmart.com which will still list the specs of a diamond ring but will sell it at a smaller cost, I’ve seen a few Overstock rings on the Bee that are stunning! 

If your Fiance still can’t afford the ring that you want, perhaps offer to make an arrangement.  Maybe he’ll agree to letting you pay for the ring upfront, but he’ll pay you back in increments you specify ahead of time.  Have him keep the ring until it’s paid, in full, and then he can still surprise you with a proposal.  At that point, it will be perfectly honest for you to say he paid for it 100%, and again no one but the two of you need to know.  Or have him look into credit card offers with low APR’s…if he has good credit he can get a great card with bonus’s (like flyer miles or cashback bonus’s) and pay little interest.  The minimum payments per month are only like $20, but he can always pay more when he has a good week, but it won’t put him into a panic attack over a high monthly payment. 

Just a few things for you two to consider.  And don’t let anyone tell you what size you SHOULD have, it’s all up to you and your Fiance.  And, if your mom wants to pay $5,000 for a wedding gown, that’s totally her choice and decision and should have nothing to do with how much you pay for your engagement ring.  Good luck!!

Post # 14
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think that there are lots of things in this post that are set in stone only because of lofty expectations and tradition, such as: 1. It has to be a diamond 2. It has to be a BIG, expensive diamond 3. It has to be purchased solely by the man. I think that if you toss out the “what will my mother think,”/”what will Fiance think,”/”what will the neighbors think” and get the ring that YOU want, and maybe help finance it a bit, YOU will be happier in the end. Speak up, be civil, but put your foot down about what makes you happy, not what others are expecting.

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