Post # 1
So… in light of Mrs. Starfish’s post I thought I’d see how you all feel about changing your name after the wedding.
I always assumed that I would take my husbands name once we were married. Since we work together I asked if he wanted me to keep my maiden name at work and he said no. I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but with all of the option out there, there’s no Right answer.
What are YOU doing?
Post # 3
I ended up dropping my maiden name and added DH’s last name as mine.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Well, we are both women, but I will be dropping my name. I’ve had 3 last names (mom remarried several times), so I’m not too attached to my current last name. It’s like the third or forth most common last name in the US as well. My FI really doesn’t want to change her last name, so I’ll just be taking on her last name since she cares about her last name and I don’t. 😉
Post # 5
I dropped my maiden name totally and took my husband’s name. It really meant a lot to my husband. Though he’d not have insisted, I knew he’d be hurt if I didn’t. Though at the time we got married, I was using my maiden name socially, legally I still had my ex-husband’s name (I wanted to change it in the divorce, but that’s a long story). I had NO hesitation getting rid of that one and wanted to share a name with my husband.
Though a lot of Bees are keeping their maiden name, I don’t personally know many women who have. I have met a few, but none of my close friends, high school or college acquaintances, or family members have. All have taken their husband’s name. Maybe it’s a regional thing.
Post # 6
i voted other–i added his and use both as my last name, like hyphenated but without an actual hyphen
Post # 6
@bellagio: This is one thing I’ve been curious about – is there a social “norm” for homosexual couples?
I moved my maiden to the middle name position, and took my husband’s last name. I didn’t want to lose such a big part of my identity, but it was really important to me that we share a name, for religious reasons.
Post # 7
I’m hyphenating. It’s partially a professional thing, and partially because I really love my last name but also want to have the same last name as my future children and family. I’ll probably use my maiden name at work and my married name socially, and only write out the full hyphenate on legal forms and whatnot. But this way I can pick and choose what I want to be called.
Post # 8
I actually only know of 2 women in my circle of friends that took the man’s name. That could have a lot to do with where I live and also that most are professionals in their name rightly. Most either hyphenated or just kept their own name. I took my ex’s name and it was a nightmare so when I marry my bf I’ll just keep mine. Besides, I like my name and I can’t find one legitimate reason to give up my identity and take his identity, namewise. I guess if I heard of a good reason to do it, I might.
Post # 9
I’ll be dropping my maiden name all together and taking his. I will probably get my maiden name scripted somewhere on my body, because it will always be a part of me.
Post # 10
My FI and I just discussed this last night XD I’m going to take both of his last names, one from his mom’s side of the fam, and one from his dad’s, and I’ll be dropping my last name. I guess I really like the traditional approach to it.
Post # 11
I voted other. I’m legally changing my name completely to FI’s last name. I will use it in personal business and socially. At work I will continue to use my maiden name. I work in a field where some level of anonimity can be a good thing. So at work, my e-mail and directory listing will stay with my maiden name, but my paychecks and health insurance will have FI’s last name. It’s pretty common among those in my field.
Post # 12
I can’t decide whether I will be using my maiden + his last unhyphenated or hyphenate them. Does anyone have thoughts on which one is “better”?
Post # 13
I’m old fashioned, I took his name. It was weird at first, but really it’s just a name. Changing it doesn’t change who I am.
Post # 14
I’m not generally traditional, and many of female friends and family have opted to keep their maiden name after marriage, but I happily took my husband’s name. My father and I have never had a good relationship, and he is an incredibly abusive person, so I was happy to rid myself of any connection to him. And he disowned me the day after the wedding, so I’m doubly happy to be rid of his name. My FI and his family are much more honorable so I’m thrilled to share a name with them.
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
@ddw:I’m not sure if there is a norm for name change. I only know one other couple who actually got legally married and considers themselves married (versus long-time, live-in girlfriend/boyfriend). I think because of the laws and stigma, not as many same sex couples go through actual marriage right now. The other couple I know had a similar situation (where one person didn’t care about their last name and the other did, so they both took the last name of the person who didn’t want to change the last name).
One thing I’ve noticed in reading about same sex couples and statistics is that there is a lot less gender stereotyping and a lot more shared roles, especially in parenting, so no one gets assigned stereotypically male or female roles (like mowing the lawn, cooking, etc.).