Post # 1
Help me before I turn into a bridezilla-green-eyed-monster please
One of my closest friends and BMs has a habit of putting her foot in her mouth. She has a millionaire for a dad and as such, goes through money like it’s water. She will have a $100K budget for her wedding (but if she went over, her dad wouldn’t even notice). She’s not exactly the best at being sensitive to the fact that not everybody is loaded with cash…case in point:
Problem 1 – whenever she asks me about my wedding, it always ends up as a segway for her to talk about her own wedding. I have to hear about DJs, filet mignon, diamond necklaces as BM gifts, Vera Wang dresses, open bar and on and on and on…all while she’s fully away that my FI & I are paying for our wedding ourselves and we’re both still students so obviously, we probably won’t even break the $7K mark.
Problem 2 – She’s not even engaged yet!!! Her boyfriend is planning on proposing to her sometime at the end of the year…well, maybe because their relationship has more ups and downs than a roller coaster.
How do I deal bees? She really is an amazing friend, she’s just not very “aware” sometimes. But keeping my mouth shut while I listen to all of her fake wedding dreams is driving me INSANE!!!
Post # 3
Try not to give her an open to segway into her wedding planning talk. If she asks you about yours, smile and say something like, “oh, everything is going well.” and then switch to a completely different topic.
I understand how that can be annoying. Good luck!
Post # 4
I would probably not talk about the wedding with her, if every conversation turns into what she would do for her (hypothetical) wedding. How annoying! It’s not a competition, as we all know 🙂
How old is she? It seems strange she hasn’t clued in yet that a) not everyone is rich and b) it can be awkward for others if you are seen to be bragging that you are (even if you don’t mean to brag). I do wonder that if she *is* an amazing friend and you’d like to keep the friendship for a long time, it might be worth mentioning to her one day how difficult you find it when she talks about money like that. She might not even realise she’s doing it, or that she’s making you uncomfortable – I know if a friend was kind and honest enough to tell me something like that, I would be grateful that they’d given me the opportunity to become a better friend.
Post # 5
OMG I totally know where you are coming from! My MOH is exactly just like that, Daddy paying and all. I finally had to sit her down, when both of us were in a good mood, and just talk about how it was difficult for me to listen to these things, when I was struggling to find a way to save and pay for my own wedding. She was very receptive to it, and really had no idea that she was even really doing it… and it sounds like your friend is probably the same. Just talk to her!!
Post # 6
She probably has no idea that you feel the way you do. Most friends like to talk about plans for parties, etc and she knows that you know her financial situation. Next time, nicely tell her that when she talks about that it makes you feel disappointed in your own wedding. If she is a good friend, she will apologize and tell you that she never had the intention of trying to outdo you and she will stop making comments.
Post # 7
honestly i wouldnt let it bother you. Even if her make believe wedding does become a reality its not about how much money you spend or the lavish gifts and dresses you buy your bridal party but the love that is in the room when you and your FI exchange your vows. I have a close friend who is heavily involved in my wedding (shes my florist) who is also helping one of her college friends plan a lavish 300 person plus wedding at a super exclusive location here in So Cal and she has commented to me on several occasions that she is most looking forward to our wedding because of the intimate and personal nature of our event. It doesnt matter how much money you have to spend on the wedding its what you do with the money you have.
Post # 8
I would explain to her how it makes you feel. Tell her that you are really happy for her, and when she is engaged that you will jump in and help with the planning. (Can I be her bridesmaid? I want a diamond necklace!) But let her know that it makes you feel uncomfortable and self-conscious that your wedding can’t be that elaborate. If she is a good friend, she will totally understand!
Post # 9
You’re all right – I definitely need to talk to her otherwise I’m sure I’ll build up some resentment. And I really, really don’t think she realizes it – she’s one of those people who doesn’t really “get” that her reality isn’t everybody’s reality.
Thanks bees – I’ll let y’all know how it goes!