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I am having this same problem! My family is so huge, our numbers are actually very similiar to yours. We have had to decide that to keep it under 130 guests, which is our absolute limit, that the only friends of ours there will be in the wedding party, and the rest of the guests will be grandparents, aunts and uncles who we are close too, and other family members. No dates allowed for us, either. The only way I see this changing for us is if we miraculously find some more money in the budget... 
Totally having this issue, too. We are trying to keep it to 150 max and that's pretty much an epic fail already. We've got no kids policy, no dates outside of marrieds/engageds/long terms, etc. but it is adding up really quickly. It's SO frustrating. It's not so much a matter of $$$ because my mom keeps saying a few extra won't break the bank and stuff like that; it's more a space constraint issue. While it doesn't exceed the max capacity for my venue, having more than 150 is going to make the reception a lot less comfortable and look cluttered and just not as good as it could look.
Guestlists SUCK.
Most of the time it does work out. I agonized over the exact same problem. We hoped (and budgeted!) for 125-150 MAX. Had everyone we invited actually shown, we would have had 214. YIKES! Up until 1 week before the RSVP deadline, we had 10 yeses for every 1 no, so I was definitely sweating. In the end, though, our final count was 142, right in our comfort zone. Most of the nos end up waiting to respond until the last minute just in case something changes.
We have an A & B list too. It sucks but it had to be done.
We're not having any children either. I think the youngest will be my nephew & he'll be 15 by that time.
I think we'll be inviting everyone over drinking age with a +1 but I don't see anything wrong with your +1 plan. Friends of ours were married a few years ago and it was established among our group that if you have someone special bring them - don't bring someone just for the sake of having a date. They sort of set the precedent for us but you could easily spread the word yourselves.
We ran into a lot of problems with both sets of parents adding people we would never have on the list. It was the "Well, we were invited to their children's wedding so we have to invite them to yours!" theory. Most of these are people that neither FI or I have seen in 15-20years. We both approached our own parents individually and said that if they insisted on these people being guests that they'd have to pay for them.
@Dancy - I'm having the parents inviting people I haven't seen or had a relationship with in ages issue as well. They are paying so I really can't do anything about it but it's annoying because I know my mom just feels "obligated" and is doing it because of that, not because they actually want them to be there.
@Darcy and Kitty--- FI and my parents have done the same thing! It drives me crazy! In terms of money FI and my parents are paying for the wedding. My mom is comfortable with our budget but says no to throwing more money into the mix. If 170 showed up that would mean about $2700 more in catering costs that FI and I would have to cover. :(
I hear you ladies - so far this has been one of our biggest hurdles. It's such a pain in the @$$! I had a huge argument with my mom about it. I mean, I haven't seen most of these people since I was in highschool and they've never even met my FI. I left emotion out of it & had to be logical when I talked to my parents about it. I've let a lot of things roll off my back but this was something that I had to stand my ground. It may sound harsh, but the bottom line is these people are my parents' guests. Not mine.
@jaylii9 - can you maybe talk to your Mom about how additional guests add to the final budget? Maybe you can cover the extra favors, programs, etc. but she covers the extra price of the place settings?
I have been thinking about this a bit this afternoon at work and I think I have a new plan. I am going to go home tonight and remove extended family friends who we are not super close to and keep the extended family on the A list. My mom won't be happy, but when it comes down to it FI and I have to pay for these extra people, so this is the way it has to be.
Geesh, I never thought a guestlist would be so stressful!
I think your idea about sending STDs only to your core list is a good one.
We had kind of a similar problem but with a different ending. FI's family is HUGE like 50 cousins and they all have kids. Initially I wanted to just invite the cousins that we know and/or get along with. But then his mom told me that that would probably hurt a lot of people's feelings so we decided to not invite any of his cousins, just his aunts and uncles and their SOs (this is still like 30 people). So now my guestlist is short because we have deleted all of the cousins and I am kind of looking for more people to add on.
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I am so fed up with our guestlist!
In a nutshell, our guestlist now has an A list and B list which I never wanted to do. The A list has 170 on it and the B list has about 35 people on it.
We have budgeted for 130 people. My Mom is sure that many of the 170 will not come because they are out of town, more distant family/friends that should be invited but I am not so sure...It freaks me out that more may come which would mean FI and I have to come up with the extra $$. I hope that doesn't sound awful, it's just the nitty gritty truth of the matter.
Last night we decided to compile a list of immediate family and closest of family friends (like my Godparents)---That number came to 140. We plan on only sending save the dates to those 140 and then invites to the total 170 A list. We think that it will help our numbers if we send out less save the dates. That way distant out of town family members won't be able to make plans 9 months in advance.
Also, we have already decided to not invite kids under 12 and no dates for people who are not married or in a serious relationship.
Anyone have any words of wisdom, are we doing the right thing? Any ideas of how else to organize this mess?
I am so frustrated/worried about the guestlist numbers. Thanks in advance!