(Closed) The happier person

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s never been a broken engagement, but I’ve been the ‘dumpee’ a couple times.  And yes, although it SUCKED at the time and my little heart was broken, I survived, recovered, and things turned out great for me ๐Ÿ™‚

A break up is a break up, and there’s some grieving that must happen before you’re ready to move on.  The ‘dumper’ is often a few steps ahead, since they’ve already accepted and adjusted to the idea of the current relationship being over.  Therefore, they seem (and probably are) happier immediately after the break-up.  The dumpee, however, is starting the grieving process at square 1, with all the fresh wounds and hurt feelings that go with it. Stands to reason it may take the dumpee some time catch up with the dumper in terms of feeling better and moving on. 

In my opinion, both parties have equal chances for happiness after the break up. 

Hang in there. This, too, shall pass.  You will be happy again.  You will find love again. 

Post # 4
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t have any personal experiece.  However, I believe that life is what you make it.  If you don’t have any hope for yourself… it is likely that not much will be going on for you.  If you are positive and make the most of opportunities, good things will come ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
3429 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Packers12:  I wish I could hug you! I’ve read your previous posts and I feel like you really need to Seek some counseling and work toward healing your soul.  Break ups are horrible and unfortunately we all go through them at one time or another. And guess what? We all get over them in time:) But we have to learn to accept that these broken relationships would have never worked out and thats why they’re over.  You sound like such a sweet, compassionate guy! The sooner you start moving on from this pain, the sooner you will find someone who deserves all the sweetness you clearly have to offer.   I believe people (good & bad) are placed into our lives for a reason..Think”.what am I supposed to learn from this situation? ” 

You’re young now but as you go through life you’ll start to see what I mean. Every experience we have molds who we are. ๐Ÿ™‚ Your next GF will be one happy girl! 

Post # 6
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No I definitely don’t agree with that.

Anytime I’ve been dumped, it’s worked out great for me (sometimes great for the other person, sometimes not). 

Life is what you make it – only you can make yourself happy.  It is only when you learn to be happy with yourself and by yourself that you are truly ready to be in a healthy relationship and can truly love someone and make someone else happy.

Post # 7
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@kfiorita:  << This!

 

You can only make someone else happy if you are happy with yourself first. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
9062 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’ve been a “dumpee”. We were not officially engaged but there was heavy talk of it. I considered him “The one” and he simply vanished. No phone calls were returned, letters returned, the phone numbers I had for his (limited) friends & family were either disconnected or never answered. We were in a LDR (Which was going to change as soon as I was out of school) so I couldn’t just, go see him.

Things turned out pretty alright for me! Sure, I was miserable at first but once I realized what an ass he was for vanishing without a trace, I was able to move on and met my husband. Not immediately after, mind you, but things turned out pretty fantastic for me.

The “man of my dreams” called me two weeks after I was married. It was the first time I had even heard from him in.. hm. Nine years? It was startling to be sure.

Post # 10
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

@Hyperventilate:  I can’t even imagine hearing from him after all that time. Why did he call? What did he say? I hope he called to apologize and wasn’t trying to get you back after you had just gotten married. Either way, what a creep!

Post # 11
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

ok.

i dumped my ex boyfried of four years and he moved on in a week and a half.  it took me three months to feel ready. but he was also already detached from the relationship when i broke up with him and was emotionally/verbally abusive and was cheating on me. a lot. so he didn’t care about me as much as i did for him.

also, my current boyfriend (of almost two years!) is a wonderful man who was dumped by his ex fiancee a few months before i met him.  he obviously moved on and is with me now. we are extremely happy together and are beginning to talk about getting engaged.  his ex is still single.

just focus on your own happiness and yourself and the right person will come around :]  i know it’s hard to hear, but your last relationship didn’t work out for a reason.  You deserve more and you will find it.  That has always been true for me after a breakup.  Each new relationship is better than the last.  I really feel like i’m finally with the man i will marry!

Post # 12
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

When my ex dumped me, it took me a while to get over him. I mean, we were HS sweethearts, and had been together the better part of 3 years. I had invested a LOT of time into that relationship, and it’s sad because I knew my ex wasn’t invested at all. Him breaking up with me (for another girl) was the BEST thing that could’ve ever happened to me. Sure, it stung at first, because I was left for another person, after all, and that just plain sucks. But in the end, it was great. I met DH about a year after that, and it all made perfect sense why the relationship never would’ve worked out with the ex. DH treats me wonderfully. He respects, loves, cherishes me. He invests SO MUCH time and effort into our relationship, and I return the favor of course. How is ex doing now? I have no idea- I know he joined the marines, and I know that shortly after he left me for the other girl, she laughed in his face and told him she’d never be with him. I know that he’s still very single and very much immature, and I am RELIEVED I got rid of that before he put a ring on my finger.

 

It all depends really, but you need to work on YOUR happiness now. Do things you love, don’t worry about having to be with anyone, and things will work out in the end. Good luck!:)

Post # 13
Member
9062 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ClassicStarlight:  It was around my birthday (I was married the 9th, my birthday was the 24th of December) and he said I was on his mind. My phone number hadn’t  changed from when he and I were dating, and he still had my number. So, he texted first asking if it was me.

I didn’t recongnize the phone number. A quick google search quickly identified him.

He asked if he could call, I said yes. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t like two friends reconnecting, either.

He didn’t apologize. I didn’t ask him to. Honestly? I was glad to know he was okay. He hurt me, but I never wished ill on him. He was a good man, he treated me right up until he left. I was glad to know he was well and finishing up medical school.

He didn’t know that I had just gotten married, and he wished me well with that. He asked if we could reconnect on Facebook and he added me. We haven’t spoken since.

I don’t think he was trying anything, I don’t think he was trying to win me back. He seemed happy and genuinely wished me well when I told him I was married.

I am glad for him, truthfully. There was a time towards the end of our relationship that he was rethinking his career in medicine. I knew how badly he wanted it, and I tried to support him so, so much. I was relieved to know he didn’t drop out and that he was still persuing it.

My husband thought it was funny. I told him we’re friends on facebook and he goes, “Good. Give him a chance to see what he lost.”

My husband is more bitter towards him than I am.

Post # 14
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

No doubt it sucks to be the dumpee. My FI was dumped by his first girlfriend/first love/first everything after they were together for more than four years. It devastated him. He held on to hope that they could work things out, and I think that prolonged his suffering. He couldn’t get past the hurt until he realized it really was over. I think it was a year until he finally felt closure. So definitely don’t hold onto false hope that the relationship can be mended – it’s over for a reason.

But hey, now he says he’s happier than he’s ever been. He’s in such a good place in his life, he’s ready to settle down with me, and things are great. It took him awhile to get there, but it happened.

So there is happiness for you. The grieving process may just take a little longer than the “dumper” since they likely already began to process before breaking things off.

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