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I make a list for my DH. Sometimes he does the things sometimes not. We are working on them. I know there are some chores you just don't "like" to do and thats fine. But someone has to do them. I usually try to write the lists of things that we both need to get done and usually since he has more time he does them.
No lists at all, and we'ved lived together 5 years. I'm the crafty/mechanically inclined one so if something needs to be done, either I do it or we do it together.
I make a list for my Fiancé. This is a little tool that I have found to be VERY helpful. I think when I make the list it makes him feel useful and he really does show some great initiative to get the things on the list completed- It's so cute (shhh... don't tell him) :)
I've never made a list. Usually if there is something I want him to do, I just ask. But for the most part every time he is home alone he cleans-- works for me :)
Our Honey-do list does not include usual cleaning chores.
Today his list is to Make Space in his closet (he said he would do this-so I'm reminding),
put together the swing (he'd be better at this than me) ,
work on a yard plan (I don't want to do this)
and make a grocery shopping list (I usually do this but he was the one yesterday saying that we don't have enough food in the house on his days off b/c we usually shop on the weekend).
@FallBride100111: I think it's cute and very helpful, as well!
This is just me, but if my husband made an actual physical list of things he expected me to do, I'd punch him in the face. If he needs something done, he just asks. Same goes for me. If I need him to do something, I'll just ask.
Actually I'm thinking a list may be useful. I usually have to ask for the same thing 5 times before it gets done, and then it becomes "nagging".
I just ask and hubby is pretty good about it. Most of the things i ask for are all related to the reno of our house, which is his priority also when he's home. so we're usually on the same page about what needs to get done.
@bree72: I'm with you. I'm a list person. I can function like that. If I gave my SO a list of things to do on his day off, he would probably throw it away. He's productive on his own. I don't ask him to do the things I do around the house on my day off though. If something needs done, I just ask him in the morning i.e. "Can you fix the sink? Can you unclog the tub? Can you call the phone company? Can you fix the door? ect. I never ask him to fold laundry or do dishes. ]
Now if SO handed me a list of things to do on my day off, I'd probably light it on fire.
i do this all the time and i love it (fi doesn't love it so much). usually what happens is i make one list of things we both need to do, and if fi's home alone one day i'll make a sub-list of that with things just for him (he's a little forgetful sometimes :) ).
Our lives revolve around the list :) DH works really well when there is a defined list of tasks while I can just think of things on the fly.
As to when he has the day off and I don't, I honestly try not to give him any tasks in this situation. I think it's important for everyone to have some time off every once in a while that is 100% thier time. And the especially annoying tasks I don't want to make worse by asking him to do it on one of his few days off. In general, I will let him know what needs to be done and leave him be. He'll decide when the best time is to accomplish everything.
My husband is so awesome that he always makes himself a list! He has a master one for projects he wants to get done over time, then each day he has his daily one. It's too cute! :)
Oh heck no! That would go over like a lead balloon w/ DH. We are both aware of things that need to get done around the house & someone will do it, usually me.
No, I just tell him to clean up his dishes. He tells me to clean up mine. We don't really have a reason to make lists - I'm fine taking care of home repair tasks and we're both terrible with housework.
We have chores and things we ask eachother to do but we don't make lists and expect the other person to do them.
hubby actually has asked me to make a list, this reminds me that i should start writing things out! i'm in grad school so basically living in the library, whereas he works at home and has much more free time. we've agreed that he'll pick up the slack. but he isn't as good at seeing what needs to be done at home, so wants me to give him a list rather than getting frustrated (at him and myself) for everything that's not done
I just ask him to do things. We have set chores anyway so things are usually upkept pretty well.
I do have a magnetic holder on the side of the fridge though with a stack of post-its and some pens. If he takes too long doing something or I forget to ask I will post one somewhere he is likely to see it when I'm at work. lol. I put them on the mirror in the bathroom, on door knobs, or on the milk etc..
Maybe it's annoying, but things get done! Right now I have heart shaped ones so he can't get mad because they're cute :) Plus, every once and a while I will leave one asking for kisses or saying I love you so that I don't seem like such a nag all the time! haha.
We only have a list going when it's a big day full of tasks that we're both working on, or if we're packing to go away, etc. That way nothing gets forgotten. Otherwise we just ask each other to do this or that... well mostly it's me asking him to do something, but still.
I have a list for me and we have a list for him. :) There needs to be an option that says there's a list for him but he doesn't necessarily do it all...
Came home today and DH literally didn't touch the list ...it didn't move a cm. Not even sure he saw it.
Instead, he showed me that he put together our nightstands that were delivered today (Hooray!!!!) and was working on repairing the car...so I didn't even mention the list I left for him on the kitchen counter. (He's asleep when I leave for work.) Oh well, guess some days the Honey Do list works great...some days--not so much. :)
Very interesting to see the responses and stages of your relationship you go through. :) I only know of old retired couples who talk about Honey Do lists so I was wondering if we were the only weird newlyweds who do this these days.
Unlike most of you PPs, I'm the disorganized one in our couple. I like to remind Hubs that I'm like Oskar Schindler, I don't do the work...I do the presentation!
Seriously, though, FI is super organized & productive. He makes the list for both of us & usually reminds me of the important things that need doing. I'm usually the one coming up with ideas, both fun stuff as well as productive stuff, & he figures out how to make it happen & sets up the list. We both have some non-list expectations: I hate to vacuum & will let dishes pile up until the end of the day; he hates to clean the bathroom & only cooks what he knows how to cook (no recipes or cookbooks for him). So we each do what the other dislikes without even being asked.
I know, I lucked out. There needs to be an option for "He's the list maker".
i had one for the wedding. now it's just a mental list. i ask him to do something, and i learned from the wedding planning that i need to give him a deadline, like "honey, can you do such and such sometime this week?"
We both toss things up on the white board on our fridge, if it's something he's better at, he usually tackles it, if it's up my alley (like mending buttons, painting rooms and whatnot) then I'll take on the task. We also put up chores/projects that take the two of us to complete as well as rotating weekly chores like dishes & laundry etc.
FI likes that I write things down for him. If I ask him to put dinner in the oven at 4 at 350 he would never remember so he will say write it down for me. Its more about the details that he will forget not that I expect him to do things.
Can I come out and ask my DH to do something I need help getting done? Sure! However, I am a realist and know from experience that alot of men, just like my hubby, is forgetful. We have discussed this and he says the list really helps him bc he feels horrible if he forgets to do something I ask him so with the list which is a big chalkboard in our kitchen, helps him never forget . Everyone has their own ways of doing things and lists are not disrespectful in anyway, so no violence here!
We have a perpetual invisible list but that's it.
DH would be totally offended and annoyed if I gave him any sort of list. Partly because he already takes care of things on his own without my asking. If I asked for anything, it would be like a favor.
Our invisible list has long-term things like fix the towel rack in the bathroom...that we each just mention when we notice them. He has responsibility for fix-it type stuff; I have more of the cleaning type stuff.
He usually asks me if there's anything I'd like him to do on his day off (it always makes me swoon)... my requests usually involve some sort of household chore (that may or may not get done) and usually a trip to the store to get either house stuff or groceries....
I don't think I'm comfortable with a list... because I wouldn't want one. We both know what needs to get done and are proactive enough to see that it happens. If one of us is more busy than the other, we pick up the slack.
So far, so good for us!
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Do you make a list of things to do for your household when DH has the day off?
DH is off 2 days during my work week. I have been making the Honey-do list more frequently and it's such a relief to get things done... like cloning. DH seems to like it but I don't put too many things on the list or pressure him if he doesn't do it. He likes having goals and feels productive while I'm at work. If I don't make a list, he does his own thing--but still productive in his own way. I guess I feel a little guilty b/c I had Election Day off and laid around the house slothlike, sleeping-eating-reading-repeating. Granted, I'm very pregnant right now, but hope this Honey Do list keeps up well beyond, into the golden years. He usually only verbally tells me one thing I should do when I'm home alone and he's working--and I do it 50% of the time.
Do you and your DH do this? If so, what kinds of things do u put on ur list?