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I wanted Fi to do this but he wont... I am either Hyphenating or not changing mine at all.
Mr.ND won't hypenate, but I will. I'm actually ok with that, and happy that my kids will have just our shared last name, not mine as well (the line of work I plan to do makes me NOT want my future kids easily associated with me).
Today we took our graduation photos, and I got to write out my new name for the first time! It was more fun than it should have been :-) We aren't married yet, but by the time they go to print, we will be, so I used the new one. Wee!
the fi actually offered the both hyphenating option first.
i really couldn't see not hyphenating. If changing your name is really supposed to symbolize the beginning of a new family, then why do I have to change my name to show that I have joined one but he doesn't? it was so perfect.
I probably will not in the end have him follow through with this, his family is quite traditional and I think explaining this to them makes him uncomfortable. Any future children (though we aren't planning any) would carry both names.
We're not doing that. We are each keeping our own last name, but we agreed that when we have kids, their lastname with be hyphenated
Yeah, I didn't take the poll because I'm not taking his last name or hyphenating mine. We're both keeping our birth names.
Not sure yet what we're going to do when it comes to children - we're both open to either last name, but I don't want them to have a hyphenated last name because in my experience, it comes with assumptions and well as confusion on the record-keeping front. (One office will file Mrs. Smith-Rice's records under "S," another under "R" another will not include the hyphen, etc.)
I changed my name to his. He was very traditional in this sense and wanted me to take his name and not even hypenate, much less change his to include mine as well.
I'm hyphenating--for professional purposes, I'm keeping maiden name. In my personal life I'll use my new last name. Our kids will not be hyphenated but have the new last name
Oh wow, I heard some statistic that says that 80% of women take thier husbands name upon marriage. Well this just proves it (even if it is a really small sample size).
Oh and please go through with Hyphenating, please. Its scary to not have family backing you up on this, I am sure we are going to get grief, (and I probably wil not take it so well, been emotional a bit and I am just rehearsing and rehearsing my speech that I will say to adore my darling fiance when I marry him, about this hyphenated name). I am just really excited about it, and finally have let go of my insecurities to the point where I know whatever people think, it was our choice. He could have said no. But ye said yes to the hyphenated name. He got to propose to me to marry him over skype, and we made this decision to hyphenate the same way. (Not the most traditional proposal, but it was cute, I like to call the Proposal "Ring Shopping" and creating the ring together, and picking out his ring together, oh yes, he is also wearing an engagement ring. I love my slightly feminist fiance).
So should I vote "no" above because we're keeping our birth names, but not giving kids hyphenated names?
Possibly do not sure. Thank you all for making me more honest. Zagora what name will the kids get, his?
In my opinion, if I had kept my name, I would want the kids to have a hyphenated name. but it is your decision. There is another option, the first kid gets your name, the second his. Or the boys the fathers, the girls the mothers.
I have researched this issue a lot. The Hyphenated name for all just seems easier. Our names together will make 16 characters long. That is okay by me.
not sure what to do with this. I really REALLY have a love/hate with my last name. It's 11 letters. My first name is 9, middle is only 3. So to hyphenate is just... Well It'd be Elizabeth Ann Abcdefghij-Abcdef (obviously changed the last name... My name is just SO long already...
@currentbee: I guess where I'm coming from is that I've seen the other side of it, which is that it can easily become a hassle because there's not a single system for how to catalogue last names, especially when combined they're over, say, 12 characters.
Whereas in Mexico and in other countries, your name reflects your paternal and maternal heritage, and everyone knows how to deal with two last names because everyone has them.
With regard to last names of our children, I am deeply set against a hyphen, but open to them having my name or his. Possibly mine because it's more unique, but I see us going with a first name that reflects my cultural heritage and his Anglo last name. (My current last name is not Latino, but that is what I identify most strongly as.)
Not sure! :( I really like my last name. It just goes so well with my first name. I also hate to lose that part of me. Not sure if I want to hyphenate either, because then it may be too long. Yet, if I take only his last name, my name would sound kind of common. Hmm.
I took DH's last name. I was going to hypenate and then decided when we were getting our license, I didn't want a long last name. My maiden was 3 letters and I'm now 4 letters. But actually when I thought about it, I was more than thrilled to take his. Its a new phase of my life and after 41yrs, I my family name will live on through my nephews.
i'm not even engaged yet, but i have no idea what i'll do for my last name if/when the time comes. i've always had a long last name that's annoyed me to death since i get so many misspellings and mispronunciations, not to mention it's near the end of the alphabet (which is always aggrevating when schools put you in alphabetical order). so on that front, i'd love a change and marriage is a great excuse to do it! on the other hand, i think it's totally unfair for women to be expected to change their names just because they get married. i'm already annoyed with my name length, so i don't think i'd ever hyphenate either, even though it's a very fair option. also, i wonder about selling myself professionally. as it stands, my name is a bit unusual but people who don't really know me often forget it. getting married could give me an easier name to remember, but i could get lost in a sea of similar names, too. so many things to factor in! i think i'll need to talk this over with SO when the time comes to see how he feels, too.
Yes, that was my compromise for taking his last name, because I really can't stand to part with my own.
Changing to his name. It's just simpler for us in the long run. I'm not particularly attached to my maiden name anyways--I'm going from one hard to pronounce name to another slightly-less-hard-to-pronounce name. I get why people want to hyphenate though. I still wonder what would happen if two people with hyphenated names were to get married....do they hyphenate the hyphenation and end up with four last names? Seems overly complicated to me.
My FI will keep his name as is and I will hyphenate later on once we have children. This is only to alleviate any issues that I know come up when your kids have a different last name.
I would love to do this with SO as his surname is Smith.. but heck I like blending into the backgroun and I am kinda adjusted to it now :D
We're keeping our birth names and giving (possible) children the hypenated names, which are easy to pronounce and go together really well.
I was born with a hyphenated name, because I got given my dad's hyphenated name. I kept in when I got married. I also have no idea how to vote in this poll. This is literally the most confusing thing that has happened to me in a week.
We both have long names. First and last. He has a long middle name too, so no we will not be hyphenating. It would be forever long names if we did! I don't have anything against anyone doing though.
I'm adding/hypehnating his last name to mine - I've grown rather fond of my name and would like to keep it (also for professional reasons) but would like to take his name as well as a symbol of our union. I'm from the Philippines and we practice the Portugese way of naming children so my maiden name will automatically be their middle name (yay for my family name being carried on!) and their last name will be his.
Well I would say those who marry who both have hyphenated names do something like this:
1) Meld the Hyphenated names they have so:
Manoushigan-Polowski who marries Richardson-Columbus becomes Polshigan-Colardson
2) Choose among the four names the two they like best, and combine that.
3) The Man drops his mother's last name and takes his wife, the Woman drops her father's last name to take her husbands. That way say Manoushigan is her father's, she drops that, and she Takes Polowski and he takes polowski as well, and combines it with his father's which is Columbus and she takes that name as well so they become: Polowski-Columbus.
4) She drops her hyphenated to take his hyphenated or He drops his hyphenated to take hers.
Though considering around 80% of people don't do this, I doubt that we will ever have this problem. I have thought a lot about this. As for Businesses. Seriously write it as one.
So Ireland-Welsh becomes Irelandwelsh, and as far as business are concerened, we just have to deal with that. I am still on the look out for a program I can market to businesses (Oh I have a plan) that allows to write long names into the system. It may require the use of very small font to do so.
Another though I have come up with. Say you have repeated letters in your name.
For example the Surname of Collmannder (completely ficticious)...Colmander would be the name. This happened all the time in Ellis Island. So honestly names change. Hyphenated names will probably change more often then one last name geneologies, but this is the best compromise.
no it is not for everyone. Yet it is a compromise. I just really wanted to know. Thankfully the application for a Marriage license in california allows us to be able to both change our names. Thank you 2007 Name freedom Act.
For more information on name choices please look at http://www.lucystoneleague.org/ This is where I got the idea in the first place. I have weighed through all my options. I love my last name. It is unique. I am dropping my short middle name (3 letters) upon marriage to take my other middle name which is my Mother's maiden name and then hyphenating my Mother's married name to my fiances name. As he doesn't have a super long name like I do, he is fine with adding a fourth to his name. My first name is only 5 letters, my Mothers maiden name is 8 letters, my mothers married name is 7 and his last name is 8. So all together my name will be: 28 characters long.
At some point I know my last name will die out. But for now, while I am alive. I want to know that I myself and my darling husband to be, shared the name change, shared the name. Shared everything we had with each other.
So I will say again. This isn't for everybody. I just hope this isn't a "I choose his name because its tradition" type thing, even if that is the case, I truly hope there is another reason. And I love hearing that many of you just like his name so much better, and find it suits you better. That is a good reason. More so then the tradition reason to me.
Please keep commenting. I like this conversation.
We kept our names and don't plan to have children, but if we do, we'll probably hyphenate. He's well aware that if he wants kids that don't have my last name, he will have to give birth to them himself.
His parents did this, though - they both hyphenated though when they had kids, they gave the kids the father's last name (which was now different from either parent's name). Though his parents got divorced when he was a teenager and have changed their names since.
@Entangled: Lol, that is funny. Thank you for the laugh. I sincerely needed it. I respect that. I sincerely do.
@currentbee: Actually I voted "No" but I'm not taking HIS last name.
I have a really long name. I will use something similar to my name.
Say my name is Zarah Ann Hernandez Corrant. I am marrying a Antonio Carlito Bruckman (not the real names, but very close)
We are hyphenating Corrant-Bruckman and I am going to be combining my Frist name and middle to become Zarahann Hernandez Corrant-Bruckman, and he will simply hyphenate to become Antonio Carlito Corrant-Bruckman.
I did say I was dropping my 3 letter middle name, but I changed my mind. It found a close version to my name, that was rare and used in England a long time ago. And I loved how it was so unique. I still will go by my first name that i have always gone by.
Professionally I am not sure. On my diploma it only says (again not real name) Zarah Ann Corrant.
I love it. I truly do, it will remain, but just slightly change. Zarahann Hernandez Corrant-Bruckman. Plus I will give my maternal mother's maiden name to all my children. One of them will keep it, and that name will carry on. My Unlce didn't get married, so that name has sort of stopped. I think my maternal Grandpa is sort of sad about that.
I have redone the poll. I think it needed that to clarify. Your comments got me thinking of all the variations, and the four or five options where not enough. Hopefully this clarifies. Please take the poll again.
No offense to anyone who has chosen this, but I don't really like it. At work SO many women have hyphenated names and it's hard to type their email addresses, name badges, no one knows what to call them (mrs. Bordeaux-Thompson or mrs. thompson?).
I can't even imagine having to spell it out for people over the phone all the time too. Unless it was super easy like Smith-Jones.
Is your husband hyphenating his name? I don't think it's sexist that I'm changing my last name to my husbands. It's just traditional. I want to be "The HisLastNames" not "Ms. PinkMagnolia and The HisLastNames".
@PinkMagnolia: It is good to call them by their hyphenated name. That is what they have chosen, that is the best way. Yes its a mouthful, it may be difficult, but it shows respect. I understand you may not like it, but that is their choice.
@currentbee A lot of times they will introduce themselves as one last name, but then when I type their emails, it comes back incorrect because the email has two hyphenated last names. They really don't stick with the two hyphenated last names and I find this common.
DH's and my last names would sound god awful hyphenated or combined, so I kept mine and he kept his. Our kids will most likely have his last name.
@PinkMagnolia: As I have stated before. We are both hyphenating. Both of us have names that flow well together.
We all have a choice and a right to self-determination. I completely understand it if you really like his last name. I do. I remember in High School thinking I would take my future husbands last name. And shed mine. Yet it didn't sit right with me as I have gone through college. It felt almost forced. It felt almost as if I had no choice. To find I do have a choice, and we both are hyphenating makes me feel very positive.
Again and again I will say that yeah I'm doing it for some feminist reasons. And he shares the opinion with me. Though I find it just as sexist for a woman to without a thought, shed her name, as for a man to be forced by law to keep his name, when he would want to change it. Why should a man get saddled with his name any more then a woman automatically changing her name upon marriage? It is just wrong either way.
I believe in name choice freedom. I really really do respect your decision to take his last name. I really really dont' understand why Women taking thier husbands name without a doubt can't have had a sexist past. It may have been unintended sexism. But still it is. When anybody does something based upon their sex alone, and because they may be criticized or ostracised for doing it. It is sexist.
Now I really hope you understand I am not criticising you or ostracising you. I understand you probably feel strongly about taking his last name. And as I've said before you have that perfectly good choice to do so. I just have equally strong feelings about a woman doing it without any thought. You show me that you have thought about it, and strongly feel you should take his last name. May you have the best of marital bliss.
I really hope I do make sense.
@PinkMagnolia: Well that is a problem isn't it. I won't be doing that. I have chosen to hyphenate and that is the name I am going by. I can't control those you know. As you can't either. Hyphenation is a choice, and I certainly hope people who hyphenate go by their hyphenated name, otherwise its just easier to change your name and be done with it as you said. if You though find out they are hyphenated with their last name. Call them by that hyphenated last name. And please inform them you will do so that you can find their name in the Computer. I don't think that is so hard. I definitely hope you will find that most people understand that.
And please feel free to keep the conversation going. I am really interested in the poll. Hopefully there are enough opitions for everybody 
.
I really thank everybody for their comments thus far.
Our daughter's name is hyphenated. Once we marry I'm going to take on his last name and also change her last name to our "new" name. She's only a toddler but I already know that when she starts school one of her names will most likely be dropped by teachers/friends.
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This is just a little poll. I want to see how many of you Brides, and Grooms and already married couples have both hyphenated your last name.
My Groom and I are going to be hyphenating "herlastname-hislastname" and I couldn't be more excited. I went through this decision a hundred times.
I was called sexist by my Maternal Grandmother for doing it. Which caused me to go on a rant, how it is a bit sexist for the woman to change her name, but the man can't. She apologized for it. That was the only drama I'm expecting to handle with the name change for both of us.
Yeah I am doing it for some feminist reasons. I am also doing it because I think Hyphenating names is a really great symbol of combining our two families. (I don't have a super close realtion with my Father, I consider the name matriarchal because my Mother and my Paternal Grandmother both kept the surname after divorce, so I believe since it was thier choice to keep, I will honor that). I have yet to figure out what to do with my Two middle names, I will most likely drop the first middle name and have as my middle name my mothers maiden name. (And I will give my children that as a middle name if they have a middle name). These are just my choices.
please take the poll and then put down your own feelings. Thanks!