posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How to deal with this?
    You and your FI should cut them out until they are ready to show some respect : (44 votes)
    56 %
    Suck it up and just have a civil relationship they will never change : (27 votes)
    35 %
    Other: Message below : (7 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    1691 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Personally I think at this point your Fiance needs to make a choice.  If my parents acted even half of that way towards my Fiance they would be advised that I would no longer be around them until their behaviour stopped.  Period.  If they want to be assholes instead of seeing their son and his fiance (very soon to be wife) they can make that decision.  You should absolutely not have to put up with this shit.

    They are the ones forcing his hand here, it’s not your fault.  There’s no excuse for belittling someone and purposely making them feel like garbage.

    Post # 4
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @lia22:  “You should absolutely not have to put up with this shit.”

    I agree.

    Post # 5
    7774 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Fiance should tell them that you and he will not visit their home again until those photos are taken down. As for old pics for the wedding, leave that to Fiance.

    I’m voting for the first option (“cut them out”), but I would not cut ties completely. I would still invite them to the wedding, but limit contact otherwise.

    Post # 6
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would definitely limit contact with these people until they can get it through their heads that you aren’t going anywhere. I won’t say that I would cut them out totally though. I would still invite them to the wedding, send birthday cards, be civil at family events etc. But I would not go to their home until the old pictures are gone and the nastiness stops, I would not invite them to your home and I would not plan to spend time with just them (and your fiancee of course) until they can be really nice to you.

    This is tough though because I do think that this boundary needs to come from your fiancee. If I were your fiancee I would draw this line myself immediately. If I were you in this situation, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with asking my husband to limit contact with his family (maybe he is open to it and that’s what I am hoping for). However, I would be livid if he wasn’t standing up for me against anyone, including his parents, who treated me poorly for no reason.

    What the heck is their obsession with the ex?

    Post # 7
    31 posts
    • Wedding: February 2013

    wow, this is really sad. i agree with those above that your Fiance needs to man up and have your back here… and tell them he can’t be around them until they agree to learn to accept you. although, i know this is probably really difficult for him too, so give him some time to find his footing first…

    what is their problem? what’s their deal with the ex??

    Post # 9
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    The spiteful side of me says you should wait til you and Fiance get married, and then display a stock photo of a happy older couple in your house and have Fiance act like they are his parents when his real parents show up.

    But the rational side of me says you need to put your foot down. IMO, I disagree with inviting them to the wedding. If they are going to treat you like this, then you shouldn’t have them at the wedding adding unneccesary stress. It is your day, and you shouldn’t be stressed about your in laws from hell ruining it. Fiance needs to stand up to his parents. You are both adults, and you shouldn’t have to take this. 

    Post # 10
    4954 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If my parents acted that way to my significant other, there would be hell to pay. Your fiance needs to step up and say something, as difficult as it might be. If he doesn’t do it now, you’re in for a lifetime of this, and he will never be able to step up. So better for him to do it now.

    Post # 11
    663 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

    Your Fiance needs to man up and put your first. Either they cut this crap out or he cuts them out, which means he needs to talk to them and lay out their options in an adult manner. 4 years of drama is bizarre. Why didnt he deal with this sooner?

    Post # 14
    663 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

    @dominicanbride16:“After 6 months of dealing with this picture bullshit” <– this is my point. Your Fiance let it go on for 6 months? Not cool. And when his parents overreact, like they did with the whole picture cutting incident, he should call them out. Say, “Dad, cutting the picture up and putting it back up is both odd and passive aggressive. I would appreciate it if you stopped reacting that way and took the pictures down.” If they dont do it he talks to them one more time then no more going over there.

    Pretty much it comes down to setting up boundaries and behavior expectations (as, in, his parents need to be more mature than my 9 year old niece) and being clear about what happens if this doesn’t happen. Then follow through.

    Post # 15
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    You need to let your Fiance decide how to handle them. If HE decideds he is willing to cut them out of his life, then you can agree to that, if he decideds he can’t do that and would like you to just be as polite and curteous as possible towards them then you need to do that.

    Do not take matters into your own hands, do not force your Fiance to choose between you and his family. You don’t have to include them in any details or actively seek them out, just don’t be rude towards them no matter how they treat you. Eventually your Fiance will take a stand about their behaviour, but you need to allow him to do so on his terms, otherwise resentment towards you will build.

    Post # 16
    571 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    This is really crazy behaviour by your fiance’s parents.  I agree with the others that your fiance is the one that needs to communicate with his parents.  Your fiance should sit down and talk to them and say that it has come to the point where them not being invited to the wedding is a real option, because of the way they act. See if this helps and if it doesn’t by invitation time then I wouldn’t invite them.

    The topic ‘THE IN LAWS PLEASE HELP’ is closed to new replies.

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