the LDR telephone rut… sigh.

posted 3 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@FutureMrsT1221:  I only did LDR for 1 year and it was hard to keep the conversation going. We used to try to make an effort to do something “together” usually read the same book/article/newspaper/blog, watch a TV show/documentary/… which would always then give us something to talk about and also make us feel like we were not so far apart. 

We also would put the phone on speaker when watching the same movie or TV…  

Post # 4
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’ve only been in a LDR for 2 years but I totally understand!!! My recomendation…. don’t text or talk for 24 hours. When you guys talk again you’ll have SO much to talk about, even the most ridiculous things. My FI recently confessed that he sometimes goes to yahoo news before we chat so he’ll have a”back up plan” in case he feels a rut in the conversation those days. Hope itll get better! You do know that the best way to fix it is to see each other though!

Post # 6
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

When we run out of things to talk about, we usually just don’t talk for awhile. We’re both at work and school all day so there’s really no time to talk during the day except a quick text, then quick call after work. It just makes the conversations we do have better and more exciting when we finally get to be together. 

Post # 9
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@FutureMrsT1221:  I feel ya. FI and I are apart for 4 days a week because of my job, so a lot of our time is spent on the phone. Things I have done to make our phone lives better:

1. Turn off ALL distractions so you only focus on eachother for that 30 minutes or hour or 2 hours! Turn your computer and TV off. Try not to do something else while on the phone like laundry or cooking dinner.  Find a quiet space that won’t let your mind wander.

2. Search “questions couples should ask before marriage” and use those a conversation starters. I flat out told FI one day that I had them and I thought it would be fun. Sometimes one question would get us talking for a whole hour.

3. Know how much time you have before someone needs to do something else. We would spend too much time on the phone and I wouldn’t get enough sleep before work some days. He would forget to eat dinner and finally get to it at 9 pm and get indigestion all night. Either way, we weren’t so happy after the fact.

Good luck! We all have good days and bad days. I make sure I acknowledge the good days when we have them so we remember those more than the hour long “whats up?” “not much” marathons.

Post # 11
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@FutureMrsT1221:  We are getting married next August and the goal is to be home full time by then. It all depends on when I find a job where we live. Right now, my job is too good to pass up, so we deal with it even if we don’t love it. If I find something in my home town before August, I will definitely take it. My “quit date” is the 1st of October, so even if nothing pops up, we will be full time together starting then.

Post # 15
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We’ve been in a LDR (6 hours apart) for almost 2 1/2 years. This week has been so cold he hasnt been out of the house to do much and I have been sick in bed so I have nothing to tell him, I can detail my naps but that’s about it. We talk every night at 9:00. Tonight after we both tried to make conversation but had nothing interesting to say,  I literally told him “I got nothing But I love you and good night”. He said “yeah, me neither, love you goodnight.”  We sometimes will call each other and say “I got nothing but wanted to tell you I love you and goodnight”. I think this is ok. IMO even if you live together, there may be times that you’re tired, stressed or feel boring and just don’t want to talk, but if you’re physically together it’s less noticeable because you have to talk about some things or you will naturally spend time sitting together or cuddling.  For me, it’s just a natural part of the ebbs and flows of the relationship and will change in a day or two so I don’t worry unless it goes on for days at a time- it has never gone on long enogh for me to worry though 😉

Post # 16
Hostess
30305 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

You mean that moment when all you’re doing is listening to each other breathe?

Yeah.  🙂

DH and I were in a LDR for 5 years while I was in school, and this was definitely a problem.  I realized quickly that I really didn’t need to talk to him necessarily every day – sometimes it’d just be a quick text rather than phone call to check in and say “i love you”.  I found that not talking every day really helped us, so that we could let our new news build up, and still give each other the space.

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