(Closed) The length of my engagement is MY CHOICE, NOT YOURS!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i have not, but my sister has. she got engaged in summer  2011 and set her date for fall 2014. she gets grief from certain family members who feel the need to comment on it everytime they see each other. it bothers her that they wont let it go but we try to make light of it. she knows she is doing the right thing for her life. 

Post # 4
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My engagement will be 25 months and some change when we get married. I definitely get the “oh wow why so long?” questions/comments/looks when I say that, but once I explain our reasoning (which really I shouldn’t HAVE to do, but do because that reactions annoys me) they’re like oh ok that makes sense. My fiance and I are getting married in CA, but are currently living in upstate NY while he’s finishing up his MBA so planning a wedding in a year would have been crazy. We got engaged last July and this year FLEW by and right now I could NOT imagine us having our wedding this summer and am SO glad that we decided to do it next summer. I understand your annoyance! 

Post # 5
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We were engaged two years. Did not get any comments because we did not specify a date or start planning until the last minute. It gave people nothing to talk about.

Post # 6
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We got engaged in July of 2010 and are getting married this year in October.  We had tons of people asking us why we were waiting so long.  We knew we wanted to get married in October but if we had chosen October 2011 we would have had to start planning immediately and we were nowhere near prepared for that.  People are going to say what they’re going to say.  Let it roll off your back and do what is best for you.  We did what was best for us and I can’t believe we’re getting married in less than two months.  If waiting for the right time is best for you then do it! It’s worth waiting til you want to do it.

Post # 8
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

We had a 2 yr engagement too. It’s now under 1.5 years to go…but I still feel your pain. I want to start planning, crafting, trying on dresses etc and have to keep pulling back.

I find the worst offenders to the “why wait so long” crowd are those who have a preconcieved notion that money grows on trees. Financing, and saving, for a wedding is hard. And when you’re a bride on a budget the last thing you want is for your wedding to look as such. So…time to save, time to plan and time to perfect. It adds up quick, and a longer engagement is usually a result. 

Frankly, I find it rude when people “tsk tsk” my longer engagement. I also get “Oh a winter wedding! That’s a great option, things are cheaper then”…which really boils my blood. 

C’mon!!!! We’re having a destination wedding, 2 years is giving both us AND our guests time to accumulate finances and what better time of year to go somewhere south in the middle of winter (cheap or not!!!)

I understand your frustrations 100%!!!!

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

And yet if you said, “3 months” they’d ask if you were pregnant!
 

@musicalrose:  I’m totally guilty of that, I’ll have to keep it in check!  In my frugal mind, a winter wedding is like buying a designer dress on sale, I never realized I was being offensive Embarassed  I’m sure when my wedding’s over I’m going to stop thinking about things in terms of cost, but I admit that while I’m planning I hear winter or weekday and think, “Ooh I bet they’re saving money by doing that!” without realizing it comes off as, “I bet they’re doing that to save money.”

Post # 10
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@HappierKate:  

Touche on the pregnancy comment! Seriously, ROTFL!!

Also, don’t worry…

I’ll be the first to try and save a buck here and there. I’ve learned to kibosh most comments on both budget and time by rearranging the statement when people ask. Now I just answer:

“Well, we’re having a DW in Mexico, and are aiming for sometime in the first week in February, 2014”.

This seems to kill two birds with one well-aimed stone.

Post # 11
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We had a 2 1/2 year engagement and received a lot of comments. It really upset me because all the comments came from people who had no part in planning. We wanted to wait until FI finished school and wanted to save up as much as possible.

Now, 41 days away and I STILL get people saying “oh…your wedding is still so far away!!” I got a lot of that last night at “my” bachelorette party.

When people say the wedding is sooo far away, my comeback is usually “well, you’re not the one planning and paying for it, so unless you want that job, keep your comments to yourself.”

Post # 13
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am a teacher as well so it leaves a small window of time for a wedding.  Also, I have many close friends who are getting married next summer (2013) and I don’t want to work around their wedding dates. I just got engaged this summer and we are not planning on getting married until the summer of 2014.  It is amazing the opinions people have about this! The day I got engaged people asked if we had a wedding date set or in mind. I completely agree – it is your wedding and your decision ๐Ÿ™‚ Plus – who wants to rush an engagement? It is such an exciting time. I too want to carefully plan every detail.

Post # 14
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

FI and my mom pushed me for a sooner wedding. I originally wanted to get married April 2014. FI wanted to get married this year :(. We didn’t have the funds in line yet to have a wedding this soon but now we are going for broke because this is what they wanted ๐Ÿ™ I have had to learn to compromise and realize this is not turning into my dream wedding at all but I’m dealing with it.

Post # 15
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

our engagement total is 23 months, i sometimes feel the same and get the same reaction but it gives us more time to save and find better deals ect

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