(Closed) The Marriage Conversation

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Did you have a conversation about getting married (NOT a proposal?)
    Yes, I brought it up with him : (29 votes)
    21 %
    Yes, he brought it up with me : (18 votes)
    13 %
    Yes, it kind of happened mutually : (78 votes)
    57 %
    No, I don't want to talk about until there's a ring on my finger : (2 votes)
    1 %
    No, we haven't talked about it in specifics but we just know that we're going to get married. : (6 votes)
    4 %
    Other, explain in post. : (4 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    172 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    We both brought it up casually in conversation at first.  Then, I started teasing a little (“I have stopped planning our wedding in my head because I got to the point I need your input.”).  Then he made a comment that he was thinking about engagement.  One day we were talking about our feelings and someone else’s engagement/ marriage came up.  This naturally transitioned into a conversation about our own engagement/marriage.  We talked about loose timelines (e.g., within a year). 

    I think you can get as detailed or not as you want to be.  I call it a managing expectations conversation.  🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    3588 posts
    Sugar bee

    We had said I love you and I was quite content there, then a few months later he told me we were gonna get married one day. I was a little surprised and nervous because although I love him, I was like, whoa, where did that come from! LOL We were just in bed and he said it. (no,not because of the sex,LOL)

     We’ve just talked about all the aspects of a wedding, marriage and having a family together, how we’d raise our kids, handle money,etc. We did discuss timelines in one of our conversations on it and the talk was reality based because we know our limits and minimums moneywise.

    Oh, we’ve said we wanted to marry each other.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2790 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t remember the specific conversation but he pretty much just told me he wanted to marry me someday. I was shocked and really excited all at the same time. It is an ongoing and constant part of everyday conversation. It pops up almost daily. I ask him about his opinions or when we go to other weddings he tells me “We have to do this, or we are NEVER doing that.” We talk a lot about how family will be apart of it, how we will handle marriage, and a ton about how we are going to raise our future children.

    I would say that talking about it should start small. Big or small, outdoor or indoor. Nothing too concrete. It has taken BF quite some time to be as open and candid as he is now.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1237 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    We talk about marriage all the time! I don’t remember who brought it up initially, but I was so scared to talk about it at first, not because I thought he would reject it, but because I didn’t want to seem like “that crazy girlfriend” bringing up marriage. I would hesitantly talk about something marriage-related, until one day he told me “I’m not afraid of getting married to you! You and me are a sure thing.” Now we know it’s just a matter of time!

    Post # 7
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I said other.

    We’re in a late 20s & early 30s so both of us are starting to think family and such. He actually brought up marriage first when we were talking about plans for the future and he included marrying me in that conversation.

    I brought up getting engaged as our relationship moved very fast in the beginning, met, dated, became exclusive and moved in together and fell in love in a few months, but I knew I wasn’t ready to get engaged and married. So, when I did feel ready to get engaged I started talking with him about that. Now we are just waiting until the ring is ready and he will officially propose. Our 2 year anniversary will be next month.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2409 posts
    Buzzing bee

    it just kind of happened but he brought it up first. we had just attended my friends’ wedding and we were sitting around the next day and he started talking about his dream wedding and how he saw us getting married one day. and that was how it all started.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2496 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    We talked about marriage reallllly early on.  We both went into our dating relationship knowing that we wanted to see if we could marry each other someday, since we’d already been friends for so long.  I don’t really remember when marriage first started to come up, but it was really early on.

    But, when we did, it started out vague (we might get married someday), and now it’s very concrete…. we are getting married, we have a lot of ideas and a timeline.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2280 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I can’t remember when it first started, honestly. It crept into the conversation in mentions of the future and spending a life together. We were constantly learning about our thoughts on family, kids, money, etc. It’s gone from there. He drives the ring/engagement/wedding conversations; I’ve rarely mentioned it or hinted at it. At this point I’d rather keep the wedding nonsense to the internet until it’s the real deal. 😛 But future/marriage talk is pretty standard.

    The reality is that he knows what I want, and he won’t let me down. Barring any horrific tragedies, it will happen next year. Otherwise I’ve totally misread what he’s saying and he’s the world’s biggest jerk for leading me on, haha.

    Post # 11
    Member
    293 posts
    Helper bee

    Oh, I just wrote a post about this, just today…

    We are not yet engaged.  But the wedding is kinda planned, at least in my brain.  🙂

    We talk about it all the time.  Actually, HE talks about it all the time.

    It’s so dear. Kiss

    http://thatbridesgotmoxie.tumblr.com/

    Post # 12
    Member
    185 posts
    Blushing bee

    Oddly, I don’t remember how it first came up.  Although I think it came up first after we had been dating about 10 months.  At that time, we sort of talked about it and both said we weren’t ready but that it would be really exciting when we were.  It would come up naturally from time to time… more about being excited when the “time was right” for us.  Then in January (dating for 1.5 years), he asked me how long we needed the engagement to be so that we could plan the wedding.  I told him 6-12 months.  We also decided in January that we would get married summer of 2011. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We’d been dating 2 or 3 months the first time it came up.  We were having brunch with a bunch of friends, including one couple whose wedding was coming up.  Afterwards, we got to talking marriage and more specifically about how so many couples make a mockery of marriage when same-sex couples who’ve been together for years and years cannot legitimize their partnerships.  (I think this was in the news at the time, though it’s generally a big issue for both of us.)  We started talking about having a bunch of ridiculous weddings, followed by anullments.

    A month or two after that, we got drunk and were talking about secretly getting married and not telling anyone, just to mess with people (we’re were both fairly high on our friends’ lists of ‘last to settle down’ before we met each other). 

    At some point we got serious – by the time we moved to California together (a decision that was essentially made on our 1 year anniversary, though we didn’t move for 6-7 months after that), we knew we would get married, and it was about figuring out when.  There wasn’t so much a proposal as a discussion of when it would make sense to get engaged to plan a wedding for that time.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2821 posts
    Sugar bee

    Our first wave of talks were all him and came up before we were dating or kissed, we’d probably hugged at this point.  He had basically decided we’d be perfect for each other and would eventually get married.  Then there were a couple years (oh yeah we were dating other people at the time, so had to break up, recover, date other people, stop being mad at each other for both dating other people, then finally date each other). 

    Then second wave of talks were mainly me – I realized I was finishing up school before him and this would be a problem so I said I’m not planning my career around someone I’m not married to.  A month or two of angst as we moved in together around that time and both realized we still had a bit we needed to work on as a couple before we wanted to be married but moving in was basically like marriage, so we kinda dropped any hint of the marriage talk and just focused on our relationship.  Two years later with everything worked out and as happy as can be, I finished up grad school and he proposed on the trip we took to celebrate.

    So I guess it’s always been there, I wouldn’t have seriously dated someone where it wasn’t considered, but it came in waves of talk and then realizing there were things to fix first. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2410 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    It came up pretty early on. It was basically a ‘where do we see this whole thing going? all the way?’ type conversation. That compounded over a few months and became ‘we will definitely get married next year’ and then the proposal came.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee

    This is my first official post woohoo!

    I have been COMPLETELY consumed with obsessive engagement thoughts and this site is wonderful!

    So, how did it all start?

    Well, when he declared his love for me a couple months after we started dating, on my birthday, he couldn’t contain himself any longer. He said to me: “Vivien, I’m in love with you, and I’m going to marry you one day!” …how romantic 🙂 Of course, a girl could never forget any kind of “promise” like that! 😉

    This past year with the wave of engagements/marriages/babies amongst my friends, I have been obsessing, and “casually” one day I looked at my phone’s calendar. You see, we met September 1, 2008 and I thought since I obviously won’t be having my first child before 25 like I had hoped all my life (I am 24 now- bday in Nov), I could easily accept a 2012 wedding and be okay with it. Why? The cute factor: September 1st, 2012 is on a Saturday! HOW PERFECT for a wedding, exactly 4 years after we’ve met. Then I don’t have to start REALLY stressing about an engagement until Sept 1, 2011 ( a year before or enough wedding planning time fo 2012). So while looking at my calendar, I said to my SO something along the lines of: “is 2012 a leap year?…. omg, Sept 1st is on a Saturday. We could get married that day, wouldn’t that be perfect?” then I added: “So, does that sound like a plan?” Haha he definitely grinned 🙂

     

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