- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
So this needed to be written down somewhere. All my family is in a different country and there’s only so much ranting over the phone my mother can take haha.
SO and I have been together for nearly 3 years, we got pregnant fairly early one and his mother was really excited to finally have a grandchild and a ‘daughter’, she was so nice all through my pregnancy because I was, as she put it -“a sacred vessel” (she uses all these odd archaic and religious phrases even though she is not religious in the slightest. Plus I didn’t appreciate how vessel made me sound like a bloody boat) but as soon as baby was out it’s all gone down hill. I’m used to my mother who is a classic, capable woman who cooks, cleans, raises the kids, is full of advice without being interfering and generally USEFUL. As opposed to my MIL, who can barely cook, sits on her arse asking very vaguely ‘is there anything i can do?’ and any ‘advice’ she gives is so beligerent and blunt and generally rude that it immediately puts me on my guard.
This last weekend she came to visit, around my SO she is generally pleasant although very argumentative (with everyone, not just me). You can’t have a conversation without it becoming a stupid debate about the most pointless things. “But WHY do you think that? How can you think that? I don’t know anything about the topic so I can’t say….but I KNOW you’re wrong etc etc” ESPECIALLY about parenting. I’m fairly young and had no experience with children prior to having our daughter, I am really happy with how we are raising her and how she is turning out regardless of the fact that we have done it with basically no help. Her youngest child is nearly 40 and her memory is terrible, she always says how she ‘Can’t remember how I did things with my boys” but as soon as we do something she doesn’t agree with it’s always “I remember that my boys were only awake for an hour between 2 hour naps at this age” ‘this age’ is the same advice she told me when my baby was 2 weeks old, she is now 15 months and I do not know a SINGLE child over about 8 months who has a nap every hour! My mother does not agree with all my parenting styles but she is happy for us to use what works for us. Not MIL, she is constantly rolling her eyes and tutting and has now started talking to our daughter about what a crap mother I am for her. We went out to dinner the other day, the first thing she did was pass my daughter the salt cellar which she immediately turns upside down and starts pouring salt all over the place – she THEN chastises her “What are you doing you naughty child?” UH WHAT?! You just gave it to her you stupid woman! She does this constantly, gives her things to play with like her computer, phone, keys etc and when my daughter drops them, hits them etc she tells them off! She has also called her names like “Little bugger girl” “Little tart” “Stupid child” etc If I ask my daughter not to do something she starts referring to me as a tyrant to my own child! “If the tyrant says no then i suppose you can’t have it.” She is constantly sneaking her treats and food that she knows she’s not allowed (thing with HIGH sugar, nuts etc), and then raising her eyebrows and looking disgusted because we allow her to eat meat just because she is a vegetarian.
This weekend she asked for this hideous Christening dress (we are not religious and she knew we would not be having a christening) she gave us when DD was first born, back. I had no problem giving it to her, but she doesn’t even know who she’s going to give it to -“Seeing as she never wore it (we had LOADS of clothes that never got worn or were only worn once) I want to give it to someone who will appreciate it as it was so expensive (it was $30, and she is one of these people who constantly splashes cash around to try and buy our affections) I want to give it to someone who will actually appreciate it. And obviously there won’t be any subsequent offspring or you would already be pregnant.” I managed to say, “well not right now but it is on the cards in the future” “No, it’s just not going to happen is it?” Uh what, just because we don’t discuss our intimate life with you does not mean we wont be having more children! I was speechless so just walked off, got the dress out of tissue paper where I had kept it incase we have another child, and just left it on her bed.
I then went into the living room where I had just bought washing into from the line. She is folding it for me. How nice I thought. My DD walks in – “Grandma has to fold the laundry otherwise it will be here when she next comes to visit” Yup, that’s right. Insult my home making skills to my own child. I’m not a domestic goddess but I keep a tidy home as much as possible. She lives in a pigsty despite the fact it’s only her. The next day we went on a family fun day to a resort, she spent the entire day moaning and making bitter remarks including “Oh Mummy’s put you in one of Grandma’s dresses to pretend you wear them”
My SO knows what she is like, but she is like it with nearly everyone. He says there is nothing we can do so don’t make a big thing of it, you just have to put up with it. It wouldn’t be so bad if we didn’t see her often but at the moment its usually for 4 days every 3 weeks and that’s with a half hour flight. We are planning on moving for work in a few months, at which point we will only be a 45min -1 hour drive away. She is already saying she can come and see us whenever she likes. I know she will be there probably every other day if she can. If it was anyone else I would have snapped by now but I know she will always be my MIL and I want to make the relationship as painless as possible but she is getting worse and worse. Don’t know what I want really, just really needed to get it out of my system, I get instantly upset/anxious whenever I think about how she treats me. I’m planning on proposing to SO next week for his birthday, sadly she has made sure she will be with us even though she doesn’t know my plans. She is constantly saying how marriage isn’t needed and whats the point etc and I’m so worried she will just ruin the whole occasion. Sigh.