Post # 1
My Fiance and I watched Jumping the Broom together last night. We began discussing single motherhood and raising sons.
My girlfriends and I have had the conversation numerous times about how sons are frequently put into the husband role when Single Mothers do not marry again (or never marry at all).
More often than not, Sons are taught to take care of their Mothers and always provide for them first no matter what. Not that the Mothers do this intentionally; but it is conditioned into the Men over time. Because their are not many positive Husband role models, Men don’t have many examples on how to take care of a wife and a family. They only have examples on how to take care of their Sons.
You hear the age old saying you can judge a Man on how he treats his Mother. I think that is true, but the man has to also respect you and your place in the relationship. I think that the Man should place the foundation of how his wife will be treated before the woman becomes his wife. That means transitioning his Mother before and during the engagement period.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel that we should take care of Parents as they age, but I also see that sometimes a son of single Mother can get caught having to choose because of the situation of his parent.
What are your thoughts?
Post # 3
@Ms.Blutiful: I do Agree with you. My Fiance is my Future Mother-In-Law only child and was the only man in her life for a long time. When we first started dating, it was some adjustment because she was use to having him around alot and being that man but as time went on, things got better. She is now dating a man for almost 2 years and that was a change for the good as well.
Post # 4
@Ms.Blutiful: I agree somewhat. My brother treats my mother and I better than his wife. My SIL has always been insecurity about it. However, my mother raised him to take care of his little sister and it did not change much after he married.
Post # 5
I thought it was one of those movies that combined all of the stereotypes and ezaggerated it a bit. I agree that when there’s a single mother, your man thinks and acts so much differently , as he should. But just as the movie showed your man has to be willing to put her in her place if necessary
Post # 6
I’m not AA, but had to comment. Darling Husband and I watched this movie last weekend and actually talked about the same subject. His mother and I don’t really get along, which makes life tough, and at one point in time she even mentioned that he was “abandoning” her for me. My Darling Husband started taking care of his mom as soon as he could work and was even supporting her being a stay at home mom for his much younger siblings when he started working. It can be crazy. Darling Husband has attempted to make her understand the relationship and how things have to and are changed since our marriage, but it’s a daily struggle with my Mother-In-Law.
Post # 7
Hey Everyone! Thanks for your comments! I am glad that other women feel this way. A lot of single mothers get really upset about this. They feel like their Sons are obligated to be there for them and them only. The movie showed a real life situation which become the norm for most single mothers. We should raise our Sons and Daughters to be better adults for the next generation…
Post # 8
@Ms.Blutiful: Just wanted to jump in completely off topic and say “Hi, fellow A-U-G, Bee!” I think there’s only four of us on here, lol.
Post # 9
@Wonderwoman217: Hi!!! I was hoping to find others from Augusta!! Yayyyyy!
Post # 10
I’m not AA either but Darling Husband and I watched this movie and I loved it. (Not sure why it got so many bad reviews btw).
On to your topic: Single mothers, widowed mothers (or fathers if you want to get down to it) should have one goal in mind: To see their child happy and with a good person.
****Spoiler alert*** I think that’s why it all worked out in the end. To show that marrying someone dosen’t automatically dismiss the parent. If the parent respects boundaries and is happy for the couple, the couple will just enrich their life and are not out to “destroy it” as was comically portrayed in the movie.
Post # 11
I don’t think it is just a single mother thing. I know mothers who behave this way with their sons that grew up in 2 parent households. I think it totally depends on the parent and their individual personality.
Loved the movie by the way, and by no means was it an exageration. It was extreme but it is definitely a reality for some men.
Post # 12
Yeah I am trying not to over react to OP because I get what she is asking and I know it was triggered by the movie.
But that is a hellish stereotype that single mothers have to overcome and as a single Mom of two successful good teen-agers I get tired of the stereotypes.
My son mentioned when my ex moved out that he was man of the house – I explained NOPE there was an adult of the house and it was me.
I have worked full time, supported my kids extremely well both financially and by being an active part of their lives. I have baked cookies, done school projects and never complained that life is not fair.
Kids are the greatest gift and I recognized that and treasured it.
Bad parenting does not know any group. It does not matter your ethnicity, marital or relationship status, socio economic class etc
on the other hand neither does good parenting.
Oh and biology does not count either. I know fabulous parents in the forms of aunts, uncles, grandparents, stepparents etc.
So are there men that are raised that way – yes
Is it AA – nope
is it single moms – nope
it is just poor parenting period
Post # 13
@unixfairy: I agree that this is not a situation that is centered purely in one ethnicity. This is an anxiety issue for some parents. You were a parent that set boundaries in you and your children’s relationship. Let’s be honest–some parents do not (hence the plot of the movie). I don’t think it is necessarily bad parenting–just some security issues on the Parent’s part.
Post # 14
I somewhat agree. I have had this experience before, but not all mothers do this to their sons. nor are all sons going to accept that their mother is this way.
It is the new womans part to communicate to that mother she is there to enhance the life of her son and it is the sons part to let the mother know he loves her very much and she will never be replaced but its also time for him to create his own family.
I was a single mother and I made it my point for my son to know that no other woman will love him more than his mother BUT that does not mean that the woman in his life is due any less a love than he gives me.
Everyone has a part in this sort of situation…its all in the way everyone chooses to handle themselves.
Post # 15
Does anyone else think this bride got what was coming to her? The bride overextends herself by picking out dresses for the mother and not including her in the planning. She really does step on toes assuming her new Mother-In-Law will go along with all of this. But it’s not entirely her fault. I pretty much place the whole fiasco at the feet of the groom. He presented his bride in such a poor manner to his family. He made excuses so his mother and bride never met before the wedding weekend and they never bonded and the whole experience was strained.
It reminds me of that Cosby episode where Vanessa brought home Dabness Brickey for the first time, either after they already wed or were shacking up together or something. Bill said Vanessa’s presentation of him to the family was poor (using the analogy of presented on a trashcan lid) so the family did in fact look poorly on him. It was all in her disrespectful presentation.