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I had zero qualms beforehand about changing my name. Like, none, I was super excited to change it. But then I started actually doing it, my initials changed for stuff at work, I received my new social security card and started signing my last name, and it was HARD. I mean, I was going through emotions I never expected to have. It was hard to let go, and a real mindscrew at times.
But, I am getting more comfortable and I am happy I made the decision.
Now...unless your name is Julia Goolia :) I've seen rhyming names and I don't think they sound bad at all, they are often catchy. The hypehanting sounds like a good compromise if it really bothers you, though.
It was easy for me. There was no question in my mind that I would change to his last name. I've always wanted one family name so it's easier for us as a couple and so that our future children share the same name as both of us. Plus, I love simply having the same name as my husband!
The decision itself was pretty easy for me. I think I've always known I would keep my name, and the only way I would consider changing anything is if the person I was marrying was doing the same thing (i.e. BOTH hyphenating or both taking a new name entirely).
What has been a little harder is dealing with the fact that I know he would like me to take his name and I'm choosing not to do something that would make someone I love very much very happy. (then again, I would prefer him to take my name and he's not going to, so he's doing the same thing)
I absolutely love my last name. I think it fits perfectly with my first, but I am going to change it to my fiance's last name. I've considered hyphenating mine as well, but it'd just be a long awkward name.
I debated on hypenating or keeping my maiden for a long time. Until one day my hubby told me he didn't like hypenation and thought i didn't seem like i wanted to change my last name and how it was fine with him. so thats how we came to my keeping my maiden name.
i agree also that rhyming isn't necessarily a bad thing. also if you have a middle name that might break it up.
My last name is hyphenated. Our kids have both of our last names, hyphenated, as well. We decided on giving our kids both our last names since we weren't married when we had them. Our youngest (born after we were married) has both our last names as well.
@deetroitwhat: I had this exact experience. I went from the name change being a non-issue, to crying every day for a week after I did change it. It was strange how overwhelming it felt after I changed it.
I'm used to it now, and don't feel the need to change it back like I did for the first few weeks, but I'm not going to lie..sometimes I wish it was hyphenated. And this from a girl who really didn't care about changing her name and who said would never hyphenate because it was just too long. :)
I think if you're not fully committed, maybe wait a little while longer and see if your feelings change.
I'm almost at the the three month mark too and I still have not changed mine. I want to, but I'm not looking forward to the hassle and time it will take to do so. I'm changing from a very generic name to a very unique name. I've always wanted to change my name, but it's a doozie of a change for me. I like the idea of being Mrs. husbandslastname though, so I'm taking the good with the bad.
@deetroitwhat:@bree72: Same here! I was even kind of exited about it beforehand and was never totally wild about my last name but changing it was hard. I'm a teacher so I hear both names frequently and sign my name all the time. My old name was so easy to write and was unique. Now when I google search myself I'm hard to find : ( I wouldn't change it though...I want us to have the same last name.
The hassle has been quite annoying. Changing my Social Security Card was much easier and quicker than I expected, but my license has been held up for almost 2 months now because CA is switching over to new cards. My passport just expired as of 1/1 and I have my old ID with a hole-punch in it. I can't go to the bank or anywhere else yet because I don't have proper ID. This limbo zone sucks.
I changed my name... I didn't want to, because I was so attached to my maiden name and felt like I was losing my identity. But on the other hand, I wanted to, so that I could be a family with my husband and so that our future children would have the same last name as both of us.
The first 6-8 months of marriage were the hardest. I didn't start the name change for about 6 months after I got married. After about a full year, I got used to the idea of a new last name, and use it all the time. I don't feel like I've lost my identity- although I did change my middle name to my maiden (so it's FirstName MaidenAsMiddle Husband'sLastName).
My point is that it might take some time to get used to the idea of your new last name. And I've talked to a lot of my friends about it, and although there are plenty that are excited to change their names, there are just as many who aren't so excited about it!
@Mrs Green Grass:/@bree72: Glad there are others out there. I don't know, it was almost depressing! I just had to keep telling myself that I was still the same person with the same unique qualaties and my name change was not taking that from me! The hyphenation didn't cross my mind however and when the Christmas cards started coming in saying Mr. and Mrs. xxxxxxxx, I cheered up :)
I deliberated because I was so attached to my name, but changed it all together (not even moving it to my middle as I thought) the day I returned from the honeymoon in the throes of excitement over my "Mrs." status. Then I spent a year mourning it and continuing to go by my maiden at both work and school, only being my married name on our mail and accounts! Then a new boss insisted my name at work match my license so I made the real switch, everywhere. Honestly I am still not over the fact that I didn't at least leave it in as my middle. However, I have gotten so much more used to my married name and actually really like it. At the end of the day, I'm glad I changed it. (But I still love seeing my high school guy friends who call me by my maiden as a nickname!)
I have also struggled with this a little bit. I've been married for about 2 months but because we have flights booked under my maiden name, I haven't changed it yet. I'm planning to start the process in February. I'm attached to my last name because there is nobody to carry it on in my family. All of my cousins that currently share my last name are girls so once we all get married, the name will be out of our family.
I've decided to change my maiden name to part of my middle name so I can keep it as part of me and may choose to give my children two middle names so they can have my last name as part of their name as well. So I will be a four-name person once I go through the process and I'm OK with that. Socially I'll just be Mrs. Martygal, but legally I'll still have my maiden name within my name.
It was only easy because I always knew that I was going to change my last name no matter who I married. However, I dont like my new last name (Its not as nice of a last name as my maiden nor does it fit as well with my first name) so getting used to it has been an adjustment!
I had my own reasoning for not being comfortable changing my name but I will be when I get the proper documentation in the mail, and I'll change things as I renew it, not going out of my way to do it. I'm also not changing my name at work - as long as I'm in the same industry I'm keeping my maiden name, but if I change industries I'll go with my married name.
I thought you had to make the choice to change your name or not when you obtained the marriage license? I guess it's different in Canada?
It was an easy choice for me and I've had no qualms about it since then. :) I love my new last name!!
It was a hard choice for me, so I decided to hyphenate. I couldn't bear the thought of giving up my last name, not just because of identity, but because I am really the last one left in my family with my name. It was hard to even hyphenate, but DH wanted me to take his name and that was our compromise. Do what is most comfortable for you and your husband.
I don't think the rhyming is really a big deal, though it does make me think of the Married with Children episode when Marcy married Jefferson and said "my name is Marcy D'arcy?"
I decided to keep my entire name and add his to the end-- so I'm MyFirst MyMiddle MyLast (which is now a second middle) HisLast. I got to keep everything, plus I get his last name too. To me it's a win-win! They made me hyphenate my two middle names on my drivers license, but other than that no one gave me any problems!
I have a beautiful maiden name and it will be hard to let it go.
My sister chose to hyphenate and she regrets it because it's so long and has caused her some headache.
I have been playing with the idea of adding my maiden name as my middle name. I don't think I would mind having 2 middle names, but I would have a hard time with 2 last names.
Thanks Ladies for all the posts. It is nice knowing I am not the only one struggling with this. I do like the idea of having 2 middle names I may look into that.
i am having a very similar issue! now, my last name is one of the most common last names, but it works well with my first name. FI last name rhymes with my first name- it sounds bad, really bad, even he laughs at it! I am leaning toward dropping my middle name (starts with the same letter as FI last name) and replacing it with FI last name and leaving my last name at the end- that way i get to keep my initials & it somehow doesn't sound so bad! i've assured him that i will be Mrs (his last name), because Mrs means the wife of Mr, but that the name just doesn't sound good. he agrees. so keeping your last name & adding his as a middle is another possibility!
I went the two-middles route. My married name rhymes a bit too with my first name (both end with the same sound). It's not a total rhyme, but there's a sing-songy quality to it, I think. I kind of like the rhyme! Why don't you try out a different name informally for awhile and see how you feel about it?
I don't have any personal issue with changing my name. I go by DH's name at work and socially now and I tacked it on after my maiden name on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. But I am just too freakin' lazy to go through all the steps to make it legal. And what difference does it make? I probably won't until we have kids.
I am definitely going to take his last name =) that is a huge part of who I am going to be so i will proudly take his name
I am definitely taking his name. Right now the choice seems really easy, because my last name is really annoying. 90% of the time it is misspelled and mispronounced, and I am sick of it. My last name doesn't really mean that much to me because it is such a hassle, and at this point it seems like it'll be a relief to finally shed it for a more manageable name. My middle name means much more to me and my identity, as it is my grandmother's name, so that one is definitely staying happily in place. Also, another incentive to take his name is that we will have the same initials if I do, and I think that that's really cute and fun :)
@Jojo Bananas - you're not forced to do it at any point...you can't legally have your name changed on any documentation until you get your marriage certificate, which once you're married when you since your "marriage licence", you can apply for 8-10 weeks later and the official certificate comes in the mail. That's your proof to take to the financial institutions/government offices to change your ID and everything else over. If you choose not to change your name you just keep the certificate, or not apply for it at all. I know a lot of women who didn't bother ordering the official certificate because of no intention to change their name, you don't need it to prove anything on your taxes when you mark yourself as being married.
The only other time it comes into play is divorce and remarriage.
Edit: you have the option of "assuming" your partners name, which means, you take the certificate as proof to the places you want to change your last name to (i.e. license, bank, etc) and in the event of divorce you take your birth certificate back to those places to change your name back to your maiden name
or
you legally change your name - as in - you go to the government and change the name that's on your birth certificate.
I knew that I definitely wanted to change to his name but I struggled a little bit actually doing it. However once it was changed, I was pleased and have almost forgotten my maiden name now! It didn't end up being a big deal.
I didn't want my future children having a different name to me and I felt it did make us more of a family unit with the same name.
I didn't change my last name. My mother didn't change her last name either so it seemed pretty natural for me- I'm not really concerned about having kids in the future because I never really thought twice about how my mom's last name was different from mine. She was still my mother. No one at school got confused either.
I was thinking about changing my last name for a while, since my husband's last name is simpler than mine, and I think he would have secretly liked it (even though he said that it didn't matter to him). However, I started looking into how complicated it was- not just with the forms but also because I'm a scholar who has some things under my belt with my maiden name. In the end, it made more sense for me to keep my original name.
I'm at the 5 month mark and still have not changed mine and probably won't.
I was always said I would never change my name though, it's me, it's who I am, and I just couldn't change it. I was engaged once before my DH and my ex Fi didn't care that I felt that way so I didn't think much of it. However now, my DH would never make me change my name and understands my feelings, but I know he would love to have me to share his last name, so to make him happy, on our address labels I put his last name as mine and when I write out things to people like our Christmas cards and such I'll put his last name as mine. I am just not legally changing it and in my professional field I still go by my maiden name and all our banking is still with my maiden name, and we both agree it's more of a pain to change all that. So we get the best of both worlds, he can still see me use his last name with things but I still get to be me. I think when we have kids I may hypen, but not sure as my last name is 10 letters long and so is his...so that is mighty long!
I'm super traditional and always knew I'd change my name. Then I changed it and was in tears after getting my new drivers license. I guess I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be to do it. Five months post name change, I'm still getting used to it. A big part of that is because I changed my name in my 30s. I don't regret changing my name, but it was a lot harder on me than I thought.
Good luck with your decision.
This was not an easy decision for me due to both personal and professional reasons. One thing that you also need to be careful of is what the state laws will let you do. In NY, I had to be somewhat sneaky to get the name change I was comfortable with (myFirst myMiddle myLast newLast). I do not like hyphenated last names, at least for me. It has been six months and I'm getting used to being MyFirst NewLast. Professionally I have two last names and it has been great.
It was so easy for me to change my name. I wanted to take my maiden name as my middle name, but I was told in Michigan, I'd need a court order. I could have hyphenated my last name, but I never liked that.
So I just took his last name, and I'm so glad I did. I mean, it is worth it to see him beam with pride every time I get mail with his last name on it. It makes him so happy that I took his last name, that it was more than worth it.
I've never been attached to my last name. I've never considered it part of my identity. My first name is my identity, so changing my last name wasn't an issue at all. I didn't have any remorse or sadness about changing it. And again, it makes him so happy, that if it had been a sacrifice, it would have been a small one.
But I will admit I still have to think when I have to give my full name, but it's only been a month.
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I have been married for 3 months now and still haven't decided if I am going to change my name or not. I really don't know what to do. In the beginning I swore I was going to keep my name, it was part of my identity and I really wasn't ready to give up that part of me yet. As the months passed during the engagement I started warming up to the idea of taking his name and I was seeing it as starting a new journey and new name seemed fitting. One problem (well not really a problem) is that my name will rhyme if I take his name which i am not thrilled about at all. So then came in the thought of hyphenating, the best of both worlds I figured but now I don't know if I am making too much out of this whole name change rhyming issue. I was never going to legally change my name until after our trip to Europe this Spring so I still have time to figure this out.
Was the decision to change your name an easy one?