(Closed) The name change… :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1928 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you should tell him your reasons on why you don’t want to change your name. Maybe you can meet in the middle and hyphen it. 

It is your decision on what your name is, after all it is YOUR name.

Post # 4
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have a cousin who has an established business in her maiden name, a lot like your publishing, so when she married she kept her maiden name for professional purposes (website, business cards, email, etc., are all in her maiden name) and changed her name to her husband’s last name for everything else. Do you think that sort of solution might work for you?

Post # 5
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You could hyphenate your last name Ms. Exotic-Smith.  Many professional women do that so they still have the association of the name they’re known for but also reflect their new status. 

One of my friends took her husbands last name legally, but for professional stuff she still continues to go by her maiden name.  I don’t believe there’s any rule saying that the name you use in business has to be your legal name 

It’s kind of like celebrities after they get married.  I remember when Jennifer Anniston married Brad Pitt (I know ancient history!), she was legally Jennifer Pitt but stayed “Jennifer Anniston” for professional purposes.

Post # 7
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

No he doesn’t need to hypenate too.  You don’t have to have the same legal last name as him.

Post # 8
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hopefully you’ve had chance to explain to him why you feel the way you do about your name.

 

Have you considered changing you name for personal life but keeping it for professional things? A lot of women take that option, that way at work you are still known as Miss Exotic, and you don’t have to loose the connection to your family. But you’re “team smith” at home, where it’s important!

Post # 9
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry one more post.  The only downfall to hypenating is that for all legal documents (technically including credit card slips) you need to sign your entire hypenated last name.  Not a problem if they’re relatively short names, but a headache if you have two long names.

Post # 10
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

I like my last name as well as it’s quite unique, so I’m thinking about adding SO’s name to my own, so my surname will be “Myname-Hisname”. Could something like that work for you?

Post # 11
Member
1928 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@bubbles_1804: No he doesn’t have to hyphen his name. I am also considering hyphening my name, and I know that my FI will not hyphen his.

Post # 12
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s a lot more disrespectful to ignore your loved one’s preferences with a very personal decision than it is to not change your name to his.  Honestly, it’s your name.  You’re the one who has to go through the process and make the change – it’ll take him a lot less time to get over disappointment than it will take you.  If you seemed just nervous about the transition, then I’d point out that a lot of people get nervous but eventually adapt, but it seems like this is something you don’t really want to do and are only doing because he’s pressured you into it.  Whatever choice you make, please for yourself make it for the right reasons and make sure it’s your choice. 

Maybe someone legally knowledgable or someone who’s gone through this knows more, but I’m not sure you need a new marriage license – you may just be able to use the one you have but never go through the process of changing your name with the SSA, DMV, etc.

Post # 13
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you dont want to take his last name then dont take it. It shouldnt feel like punishment, but personally I cant wait to take my FI’s last name and start our own little family or Mr and Mrs Hislastname, and then have kids with that last name too… I just think its cute

Post # 15
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Can you make it your middle name? Drop the one you have and change it to your maiden name.

I mentioned not taking DH’s last name and he had a similar reaction to yours. So I understand how you feel. I took his last name and now I’m glad I did, but I wasn’t quite as upset as you about it.

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