The Name Question

posted 3 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@cassclaw:  I love how much thought you put into this; I personally vote for your FirstName YourMaidenName HisLastName idea. Since it seems like you do have some attachment to your maiden name but also want the bond of becoming a HisLastName, that definitely is the best of both worlds!

🙂

Post # 4
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I took my husband’s last name. I don’t really understand the feminist part of it that people bring up. Even though it may have started in some bad way, that’s not why people take their husband’s last name now. I don’t even know how that tradition got started. I took my husband’s last name because it makes us feel like a family. I had a very generic last name, and got an even more generic one when I got married. So, that didn’t influence my decision much. Also, changing my name was a very simple process. I had to go to the social security office and get a new drivers license. Everything else was done online. It was super easy. I think you should keep your maiden name as your new middle name, but I don’t get changing FI’s middle name. Middle names are rarely used, and no one will even know you changed it honestly. But if it makes you feel more of a unit then there’s nothing wrong with it. I just think it would be a hassel, since changing his name would be much harder to do than changing yours.

Post # 5
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Tomato22:  The tradition is rooted in when weddings were dynastic and financial transactions.  The woman leaves her family for her husband’s family who have paid her bride price in order to produce children to further that family’s line.  In the West, especially in English-speaking countries, this is why women have maiden names — their father’s name when they are unmarried — and married names, when they are the mistress of their husband’s house.  Surnames, then, essentially identify the man to whom a woman belongs, historically, hence why the traditionally correct form is “Mrs John Smith.”  That would be the feminist issue.  

Post # 6
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@cassclaw:  I know this isn’t an option that you listed, but I had trouble deciding what to do with my last name as well. I ended up just adding his last name to mine, so I have two middles now. My last name is uncommon, and I liked my old name, but after we were married a few months, I wanted to take his. You don’t have to decide right away!

Post # 7
Member
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I posted a name change thread recently too!

I have finally decided that I am going to go through the money/hassle to get the name that I want. My dad reminded me that I’ll only have to go through the hassle once, and then it’ll be the way I want it for the rest of my life.

So I vote that you both do the Maiden HisLast option. I have some friends who did that, and I think it’s great! Though it did change the hubby’s initials to DAD, lol. 

Post # 8
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Wow that is a lot of things to consider with this decision. I am the same way, I list all the pros/cons out. 🙂 I like the first solution better. While ultimately a marriage is only as meaningful as what you feel in your hearts and the commitment you make to each other, that outward expression of it is a powerful thing and I think it would be so nice if you both took on each other’s names in that way.

Post # 9
Member
10986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I changed mine to Myfirst Maiden Hislast, and I am very happy with my decision. 

Post # 10
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MrsHalpert:  1+ but informally….like on Facebook or social networking. My last name is spelled weird so it’s annoying to spell, it’s only 4 letters, Italian, and is traditionally Welsh or English I think and spelled with 5 letters. (I can thank Ellis Island for that sloppy name change).

FI is a Castro, so all I say is Castro like Fidel, and no one ever has screwed it up. My first name is always spelled incorrectly too. I like my current last name, I sound french but I’m not french at all. It flows nicely. But now people are going to think I’m a Spanish girl (I’ve met a lot of latinas w/ my first name). 

For the kids at your work, I would switch it. My bro went to a speech therapist as a kid… I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for a kid to try to get words pronounced correctly only to mess up your name. But I’m sure they can call you Mrs. S. or whatever it will be with your new last name.

Another thought…I know stuff at work in our database always gets messed up with hyphenations so I don’t really like that, unless I were a doctor, lawyer, or some executive. It does get annoying and confusing when I send out mailings when someone’s husband has a different last name as them, mainly bc I usually need to end up typing their names on two separate lines instead of the easy Mr. & Mrs. John Smith.

 

Post # 11
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I like the option of using your surname as an additional middle name. But are you doing a full legal name change?  Changing your birth certificate and all? 

I’m changing mine.  I understand the history of a woman taking a man’s name.  But really, ask my father or my SO if I ‘belong’ to either of them and they will laugh in your face.  I come from a long line of matriarchs and very strong female leaders.  None of them ‘belonged’ to any man.  And neither do I.  

Professionally, it won’t be that hard for me to switch.  I’m instantly recognizable as I am 6’1 and I’m pretty commanding in general.  So all it will take is a short while with my new surname and everyone who needs to know will know.  I couldn’t care less about everyone else.  

I just want to have one name for the whole family.  I’m not particularly tied to my madien name.  I love my Dad’s family (and my Pops) but their name has little to do with it.  I identify more through my mother’s side and my Nana’s surname means more to me than my actual surname.  It doesn’t help that my name is an uncommon Scottish name.  It looks similar to a much more common name, so its almost always spelt incorrectly and pronounced wrong, despite being pronounced exactly as it’s written.  My SO’s name is very Irish, but you can’t mess it up.  (I won’t bother to do a legal name change, my birth certificate will remain the way it is.  I’ll just assume his name, I’m not sure if it works the same way there as it does here.)  He was surprised when I told him I’d be taking his name.  And oddly, I’ll be version 2.0.  His brother’s wife has the same first name as I do.  The family already calls us First Name C and First Name A (C and A being our respective madien names – despite the fact that they’ve been married over 10 years!) 

My sister is 28, with a PhD, well published and has presented at a number of large conferences.  She’s keeping our last name professionally and assuming her married name personally.  She doesn’t want to lose the connection to her publications, professionally.  

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