Post # 1
First my FMIL lives in another country, thank god!
I was sure she hated me the first 2 times as she was so mean, abrupt, and if i ever had an ooption on anything she said she would just say something nasty about how stupid of a toguht that was. on the 3rd visit she was so unwelcoming and mean, and basicly just ignored me all chistmas i realized it wasnt me, shes just like that. Although that is no excues.
Anyways, when we got engaged she wasnt happy just said how incoveinent and expensive the wedding was going to be and how dare we have it in Canada and in the season when my fi’s brother in law cant come. WTH?
So… I asked my FI to ask her what she is wearing to the wedding as my mom wanted to know. (so my mom doesnt wear the same color or something) Below is part of the email she just sent me.
WTFH? ** by the way the wedding isn’t going to be *posh*
Now your Mum. I refused to tell *FI* what my outfit is like because this
posh wedding is all for your Mum as you explained to me so I think your Mum
should buy exactly what suits her & not give a thought to what anyone else
is wearing. I am not wearing a hat I will say that nor am I wearing a
fascinator. I did think I might but have decided against – don’t really like
hings on my head. I did wear a hat for *SIL* wedding but then I was the
Mother of the Bride so that was a bit different. ***********
I am so worried she will ruin my wedding day.
Post # 3
Wow, I’m very sorry. She does not seem like a lovely person at all!
Post # 4
Hah. Passive aggressive much?
Just reply back that you’re sorry she somehow got the impression this wedding is all about your mom. She’s the mother of the groom and that is very special, and she’ll be honored as such. Then tell her that your mom wanted to know so that they can dress accordingly, however since it seems she hasn’t decided at this point what she’ll be wearing you’ll just keep her in the loop regarding what your mom chooses. Then just say Thanks and looking forward to talking to her soon!
That’s it. Don’t take the bait. Just kill her with kindness and set her straight when she goes off the rails of the crazy train.
Post # 5
Okay so she’s a bit of a cow… don’t respond let her be! I really don’t think it’s that big a deal she didn’t want to co ordinate what she was wearing. Tell your mom she’s being a cow and not saying anything and you and your mom should go pick whatever she wants and likes best without giving FMIL a care in the world.
Post # 6
Honestly I dont think your mom needs to know what FMIL will be wearing.. they dont have to match or avoid matching either. She seems to be passive aggressive so I doubt she would do anything major to ruin the wedding. I would just avoid contact with her as much as possible and then just block any negativity
Post # 7
I see nothing mean in what she wrote, but I guess since you’re so sensitive to everything she says, you do. It really doesn’t matter what either of them wear, so I’d let it go.
Post # 8
yeah, I def wouldn’t even respond. She’s so passive aggressive! sheesh.
The problem with some passive aggressive people is precisely that it can be hard to really call them out on their sh!t. She can easily make excuses (i.e. that you’re reading into a tone which she didn’t mean etc.). I mean in your case you might be able to call her out on her bs, but really what’s the point? It doesn’t sound like you’ll have to see her all that much.
Just be the better person and don’t respond.
Sometimes I think people who have this underlying resentment or rudeness (some MIL’s seem to specialize in this rudeness) WANT to get a rise out of you to somehow disparage you or provoke you into a fight. Don’t do it. It’s tough but take the high road girl!
Post # 9
Oh hun, I’m so sorry this is the kind of passive aggressive behaviour you have to deal with. Let your mum buy whatever she wants and to look amazing on the big day. But DO NOT reveal to FMIL what your mom is wearing….
I somehow feel she will use that information for evil and not good…..
Post # 10
Be thankful this woman lives in another country (I’m assuming across the pond?) Oy.
Post # 11
Yeah… my mom is passive agressive just like this. I would do as @lola2011: suggested and see where that takes you.
Post # 12
Whoa, the first sentence is really rude. Very passive aggressive. This “posh wedding” is “all for your mum” and she “refuses” to tell yoru FH what she is wearing. Wow. I’d be tempted to write something nasty back, but you should probably be the bigger person and leave it alone. It doesn’t matter whether they coordinate. In the future, I definitely wouldn’t go out of my way to be nice to someone like this, or to include them in anything.
Post # 13
Hand this one off to your FI. “Your family, your problem.” I think that all future communication with The Crazy should go through him.
Post # 14
I like @lola2011: suggestion. Kill her with kindness. Ignoring her won’t make her go away and apologizing makes it sound like you did something wrong. If you reply like you didnt read anything in to what she is saying I would give the point to you.
Post # 15
@Beluga: I agree! I would forward any email or other communication she sends to him and let him respond. Eventually, she will learn that she can’t say anything negative to you.
Post # 16
She seems so snoody!! Im so sorry!!