The not so glamorous side of getting engaged

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

sorry you feel that way..but I feel like it is your attitute towards the situation…Stay positive..it doesn’t matter what people say..if they get upset about something..or not happy that they were not the first ones to know..it all doesn’t matter…concentrate on good things..and not on what people think..

Post # 4
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@lalalyanne:  i didn’t have any less than glamorous moments after getting engaged.  but hang in there…. it sounds like maybe school is just the most important thing on your mind.  and that seems  right to me.  it’ll settle in eventually and you’ll get excited and have your moment.  congratulations!

Post # 6
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@lalalyanne:  Big hugs from here.  It can be a little tricky.  I only put the announcement on facebook about 4 days after I got engaged – gave me a chance to tell my family and closest friends first. 

I was lucky, only had one tiny slightly snarky comment (to my face) about the day that a certain family member found out… apparently not finding out same day via a family member wasn’t good enough.  I just let it slide off.

I know what you mean about the “have you set the date?” I’m like what?! As if we know?!!?!?! It’s the most unusual question but I think people are just trying to get a feel of HOW SOON rather than date.  I just said “it will be sometime next year”… and left it at that!

Post # 7
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@lalalyanne:  trust me…wedding planning might have a lot of negatives about it as well…some brides go crazy while planning…that’s why am telling you that you have to stay positive at all times…

 

Post # 8
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

I dunno if this is unglamorous…I feel like it’s a total first world problem, but I definitely had the hand thing at first. I was very self-conscious about not wanting to “point it” at people (like it was a gun or something, lol) in a lot of situations and my hand would sometimes be contorted a bit oddly to point it away from the person who I was worried would think I was flaunting at them. Because making my hand look like it was having a painful spasm would be much less attention getting, I’m sure. Thank god I’m pretty sure that 99% of the time the only person focused on what my left hand was up to, was me.

Now I do it a lot less and have less of the mutant claw thing going on when I do it, lol. I do still find myself realizing it’s pointing at someone and turning it away sometimes, but now I can do so ever more chilled-ly, lol. And I still do “accidentally” keep my left hand mostly under the table etc. when hanging out with my awesome, awesome, AWESOME best friend who is single, who has never showed anything but happiness for my engagement (for serious, this girl was almost as excited about it as I was!) and who has suddenly started to wear more rings herself since then. But I totally think I’m being more natural about it now, lol. And if not, I hope she knows that I’m trying to not be an ass, vs. trying to be an ass, with any awkwardness I’m doing. But I think she’d know. Because she is awesome like that 🙂

I won’t say I haven’t intentionally once let it flash in the face of someone I know to be an envious type (just in general, not about engagements specifically) who was pissing me off at the time, though. Nursing my drink with the left hand, that’s right, B. It was just the one time, and frankly I don’t even know if she noticed the ring. But it made me feel better. So, I have already used it for passive-aggressivenss once. =/

Post # 10
Member
1134 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@lalalyanne:  I get what you’re saying here. I think. I told my parents first and they went and blabbed to everyone, so I didn’t really get the chance to be the first to let people know. And then my mom posted it on Facebook so my profile absolutely blew up with all kinds of congratulatory messages before I got the chance to announce it personally on there! Argh! I was just kind of annoyed that she did that.

And my mom (again, lol) is one of these people who pencils everything into her calendar like MONTHS or even over a year before it’s supposed to happen. So naturally the first question she asked me was “Have you set a date yet? I need to put it in my calendar.” Even now, I still only have a tentative date and it’s bothering the heck out of her. Nobody else cares.

The ring thing, I understand that too. It’s hard for me because I’m left handed, so everytime I do things I feel like the ring is being shoved in people’s faces – when I’m writing, eating, holding stuff… all of that.

The proposal itself was nice, though.

Post # 11
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@lalalyanne:  first of all, congrats to you! I was definitely super self conscious about my ring. It is bigger than any of the ones we’d looked at in the store, and while I love it, it is flashier than anything else I’ve ever owned and I felt like people thought I was showing off/bragging/etc. It’s since gotten better though (I’ve been engaged just over two weeks) – especially after I went to the wedding of a couple whose family is VERY well off, and saw some ladies, including the bride, rocking 3 or even 4 carat rocks. Mine seemed nice and modest in comparison. 🙂

 

And the constant questions about the date, venue, etc – so annoying! It’s been two weeks people! I know there are girls who have their entire planning done by the time they get engaged, and those who have had an image of their wedding day since childhood, but I need time, dammit! I was the girl googling “how to plan a wedding” the day after getting engaged. 🙂

 

Do not let people get you down! Try your best to enjoy this very exciting and special time in your life. Someone is always going to be annoyed with you for not doing things the way they want you to or the way they think you should.

 

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yeah, the social media thing was sticky. Especially when we had a super tiny wedding. Nothing went on FB because we were worried that people would be offended or feel we were rubbing in their lack of invite!

Post # 13
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@lalalyanne:  Im in your boat, totally.  The moment, the exact moment it happened was magical, absolutely.  And then, that magic turned into an uncontrollable stream of tears,  because my mother (whom had passed 1.5 years prior to that moment) was not there for me to call FIRST.  I knew it would be hard when I thought about it, but NOT THAT HARD.  Then, the panic set in…she would have made many calls on our behalf, now I must do it!!  Soon after that, we called immediate family. I am blessed with 2 sisters whom took the reins to handle the family calls.  Very kind indeed, and yet, I felt guilty because it was not me doing it!!

We had a nice evening with some close friends, and my sisters, but the following day was a whirlwind experience. I spent probably 8 hours on the phone re-telling the story to friends, some family…you name it.  And as I type that, I feel bad making it sound whiney because all that means is we are blessed with so many people that love us!!

It was just…daunting…to some degree.  We chose to do it that way, because we did not want to announce it on FB, for the reasons you mentioned.  We did eventually, about a week later when we knew those whom should hear it from us did.

OVerall, it WAS a wonderful weekend, dont get me wrong. But that Monday, we received a called that his cousin – a close cousin – had suddenly passed away.  Engagement bliss was gone, and a sad reality was pushed ahead.  It quickly reminded me that life does not stop when magical moments happen. They come and go, and so enjoying every moment is essential.

It sounds so cliche, but it is true.  It was very humbling to say the least. 

Post # 14
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

 As long as you know that you’ve handled things appropriately, if someone gets bent out of shape or does something out of bounds, it’s on them, not on you.  Don’t let it take anything away from what should be an exciting time. 

I would have hidden or deleted the aunt’s post and sent her a PM explaining why. 

Post # 15
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Sorry u feel that way.  We agreed not to even discuss wedding planning until 6 mo after we got engaged so our engagement bliss lasted 6 mo lol we got engaged on the beach, so I made my calls, then blasted it on fb, turned off my phone, then caught some rays with my new fiance. 

FB is for lazy people, like me, what can I say 😀

 

Post # 16
Member
1134 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I should also add that retelling my proposal story to everyone is getting tiring as well…

@BrandNewBride:  It seems that when anything significant gets posted on FB, all the people on your friend list seem to come out of the woodwork even if you haven’t contacted them in awhile. It’s kind of annoying. I only want ~40 people at my wedding, mostly family, so a lot of people are going to see things on FB but I’m not going to worry about them being left out or anything.

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