Post # 1
My Fi and I have been together since May 2011. My Fi family are a bit much for me… His dad is an extremly traditional and judgemental man. They are nice to talk to but they seem to talk about everyone behind their back except immediate family, i sometimes feel they talk about me. They have dogs that they are constently feeding from the dinner table and yelling at it seems not stop. They are major pack rats, and their house is so full of things I have never been anywhere in their house but there living space and bathroom; that may seem like a small thing but my Fi stays at my house 1-2x week and feels extremly comfortable, but I don’t at their house, I have never even been in his room…. My future Mother-In-Law is nice and laughs a lot but inside I can tell she is truely not happy and is bitter. To make a long story short I am not crazy about them. Also in the future both of us will have to work full time so I our plan is to have his mom watch our future kids, i just don’t know if i can handle seeing them that much.. I almost get angry being around them and I am a very easy going happy person.
Post # 3
Reading this sounded a little like my situation (judgmental, talking about others behind their backs, packrats…) with my in-laws. I think anyone who doesn’t think long and hard about the in-laws, and their impact on a prospective marriage, are not thinking things through seriously. These people can and will have a degree of impact on your marriage – there’s a reason that ‘family’ is cited in divorces so frequently next to money. Good fences make good neighbors, of course.
Are you sure you’ll both need to work full-time in the years ahead? If this is a concern, can you put off kids for a few years and start looking education/career opportunities that may not make that option a necessity? If you will be working full-time, your mother-in-law will be rearing your kids up at least 40 hours out of the week – nearly half of their waking hours. She’s going to have a profound effect on them.
Failing that, you can always have your fiance do the drop-off/pick-up. I like seeing my in-laws about once a month at the most.
Post # 4
I have no advice with regards to whether or not his parents are a dealbreaker for you. Only you can decide that. But can I just say that it is extremely presumptious that the two of you are planning on his mom raising your kids. Please don’t do that. Grandparents have already raised their children. They deserve the retirement they have worked hard to secure themselves and they shouldn’t have to spend 40+ hours a week (possibly unpaid) watching someone else’s kids. Even if that someone else is their son. If the two of you know in advanced that you don’t have the time in your schedules to rear your own children or the extra money to pay for day care, then please just postpone or don’t have children.