Post # 1
I’ll preface this by saying that I feel really awful writing on these boards to vent a little bit about my mom. We actually have a good relationship. The problem is, every so often she will say something that is extremely hurtful to me, usually about my size clothing.
(Trying on my graduation dress)
My mom is a 5″2 size-2 woman. I’ 5″5 and usually wear a 10 or 12 (depending on what the garment is). Every so often she will do something like hold up a pair of pants in a store and say “I’d hate myself if I wore this size.” Then I have to respond, “actually I wear that size.” Recently we were talking about dresses for her to wear at the wedding. There was one we were looking at on a department store website but they only had it in a 12 or 14. She said, “someone who wears that size shouldn’t be wearing that dress.” Again, I had to say, “but I wear a 12 sometimes…”
It’s been hard to me to accept that I am not built like her. Frankly, I usually feel good in my size 10-12 stuff. I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, try to stay low-carb, have a flat stomach, am pretty toned. Sure, I’d love to lose 5-7 pounds, but I’m not in a rush for it to happen. I’ve worked really hard to cultivate this positive body image, and whenever she makes a comment like that it just shatters me. I was a figure skater for ten years, so I often felt a lot of pressure for my body to be a certain way. It’s a huge deal for me to move past those feelings. I’m beginning to wonder if I should confront her about these comments. At the same time, I am scared of her accusing me of “starting something.”
Do I just try to let it roll off my back and remind myself that I’m healthy and fit? Or do I run the risk of making her mad and confronting her about it? I really don’t want to start a fight or make her feel bad, but at the same time she has moments where she has been making me feel really bad!
Post # 3
Okay, firstly, you look amazing in that dress!! Remember that you a fit and healthy and beautiful.
Also remember that your mother was talking about herself NOT you. If your mother is a size 2 then it would make perfect sense for her to hate herself if she was a size 12, because that’s a HUGE jump in size and obviously not a healthy weight for HER. She has a different body type to you and therefore there are different parameters for what is healthy and acceptable. You would most likely hate yourself if you were a 2 because you would look sickly!
Similar to the other dress comment, she was thinking about herself as a 12 and how she would not buy that dress if she was one because it would not look good. Also, as a general rule, there are some dresses which (generally, there are always exceptions), do not look good on larger sizes. Just as some dresses do no justice to smaller sizes and make them look shapeless.
None of these comments should be taken personally by you at all.
Post # 4
@Everdeen: agreed. Also, I think saying something to her probably wont change her opinion (if she is anything like my mom). Remember to someone that is a size 0, 2, 4 a 10 or a 12 IS much larger to them. It seems you dont really have a body issue bc you posted a picture of yourself at the beginning of your post and most bees will assure you that you look great like they do in all these types of threads.
I am about a 8-10 and I dont care when someone says it is fat. My grandmother constantly makes comments and I just let it go.
Post # 5
It sounds to me like maybe your mom is a little bit insecure or has some image issues. That’s usually why people make those sorts of comments. Think carefully about what you want to say, and the next time she lets one fly, address the behavior. Let her know that you love her, but that it’s very personally hurtful when she says those sorts of things.
Post # 6
eh, you look like a hottie to me, she is just being a cow.
I would love your figure!
Post # 7
I find that people’s comments about size and weight are merely a reflection of their own insecurities/obsessiveness with their own weight. They are projecting their issues onto you, and looking for validation of their own worst fears.
You are OBVIOUSLY beautiful! Don’t let the haters get you down. I know it’s hard when it is your mom, but really – this is her own toxic stuff, and has nothing to do with you.
Post # 8
@DuckEBee: Sweetheart, if she wore that size at her height, she would likely be overweight! You’ve got 3 inches on her, that makes a huge difference. I would have a heart-to-heart with her, let her know that comments like such as those make you uncomfortable. Let her know how they make you feel, but in a non-confrontational way. You’re gorgeous, and if you wore a size two, you would be a skeleton.
Post # 9
@DuckEBee: First off, you are gorgeous. Perfect size body, imo.
Second, have you told your mom how you feel when she talks like that? I have a friend that would say stuff like that. I finally told her how much it upset me, and she apologized. She said she never really seen me as being that size before, so she hadnt thought about how it would make me feel. She hasnt said anything about sizes since then.
Maybe your mom is the same way and just doesnt see you as that size?
Post # 10
Shes most likely saying these things out of insecurity and not to target you. I would gently talk to her about it and work on not letting her comments get to you. They dont sound like theyre directed at you and really, you look amazing.
Post # 11
@DuckEBee: I would say something, if you tell her when she makes those comments but i wear that size she is aware she is upsetting you… you have gone but i wear it she is ingoring that… maybe she thinks it will motivate you
its like my dad he goes i should be a size 1-4 like his gfs … i go well nice try dad but your 6’6 250-280 and my mom is 5’10 140-200 thats never gonna happen … i told him even if you had a baby with a 1-4 the smallest kid your ever gonna get is 6-8 your genes are to big think facts and get off my back
i said it he backed off …. sometimes you have to stand up for your self b.c. you look wonderful your heathy thats what matters and she is chipping away at how you feel about your self
just tell hr with respect bring up facts and points and tell her at this time mroe then ever she can’t make those comments b.c. you need to feel beatuiful and she is pulling you down ou cant help who she choose to mate with and their is nothing wrong with being taller and a bigger then she is I bet you have mroe sexy woman shape
i mean look at some of the most beautiful women its there hight their cruve their shape that maks them soo hot and if you work you and you have a flat stomach and what not chances are your a 12 for your bust … or for having hips and a nice butt (witch you wouldnt wanna lose anyways)
I fit a 10-12 as well when i don’t fit the 10 its b.c. i am too busty for it … when i cant get a size down in jeans normally its to do with my hips b.c. no matter how much i work out my his and butt tend to be there lol (my legs have gotten skinny though)
but ya its just a fact sometiems if you have shape you cant get down dont beat your self out for it cuz you look great
Post # 12
Oh no! 🙁 I just wanted to tell you that you look HOT in that dress! 🙂 Don’t worry about a thing!
Post # 13
Here’s my take, my experience as well… My mom is 5″5 and anorexoc my whole life. She was always always says that size 0 and 99 pounds were ideal. size three was for “big girls”. I hit a growth spurt in middle school and grew to be 5″9. I have hips and tried in high school not to be the big girl but the smallest I could get was size three and 104 pounds. I had anorexia and never felt small enough. My mom always pressed her idea of the perfect size and it was engrained in me. My anorexia caused my heart to give out pretty much and nearly killed me, now I’m healthy but still have a lot of health problems from that time.
with my daughter I didn’t want her to have that problem so I encourage a healthy lifestyle never giving importance to weight. None the less my mom has discussed it with my daughter already and at five years old my daughter is calling herself fat and ugly, and she’s perfectly healthy and beautiful. It’s gotten to the point that I had to put my child in therapy and stop all alone e visits with my mom.
Point is, she needs to be told how her comments are upsetting and she needs to be told its not ok. That kind of talk can cause a lot of problems in the future and you don’t want that
Post # 14
@DuckEBee: You look beautiful and are perfect for your height and weight! My mom is very much like yours – she is very appearance conscious and judgemental about weight. I am two sizes larger than you, but about the same height. It is hard not to take those comments personally.
I wish I had good advice on how to deal with your mom. Whatever path you take with her, please don’t allow her to make you feel badly about yourself. I know how much it hurts, and haven’t figured out how to get my mom to stop making negative comments.
Post # 15
@DuckEBee: OMG we are iike twins!! My mom is like 5’2 or 3″ and size 0-2, depending. I am 5″5 and size 10 or 12! And my mother is exactly the same way.
She’ll lift up her shirt and look at her stomach and say “I feel so fat” (which is insulting to women around the globe), and generally make comments like your mom.
I am more top heavy with a “normal” bottom, my sis has nothing on top and has a booty. After years, we both have resorted to just rolling our eyes at at our mom and teling her to shut up. Not in like a totally disrespectful way, but nothing else has gotten across to her, and that seems to work. W literally just either ignore or say shut it. I don’t have any super star advice for you- other to attempt to sit her down and straight up tell her how horrible it makes you feel when she makes comments like that. I feel your pain 100% sista!!
Post # 16
@DuckEBee: First of all, you’re gorgeous and you look great. For reals.
I think you should confront your Mom. Tell her calmly that the shitty remarks about women who wear the same size you do are insensitive and hurt your feelings and you’ve pointed this out to her many times. Tell her you own a mirror and a scale, you are happy with your size and furthermore, don’t feel wearing a 12 is a reason to open up a vein so you would appreciate it if she could put a lid on those comments when you’re together.