(Closed) The Official Bellenga Wedding Vent! Mixed Bag of Emotions Right Now

posted 9 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Oh Belle, I’m so sorry to hear about all this. I can relate to your story on so many levels and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make things better. All we can do is take it one step and one day at a time. It’s ok to cry and be angry, some things are just out of our control and no matter how hard we try to hold on and control the situation, we can’t and it can be heartbreaking. My aunt and her family were unable to make it to the wedding because we found out her incurable cancer had returned and my estranged sister called me 20 minutes before the ceremony to tell me she “felt too crappy” to come. What I learned from all of this was that even though my wedding was NOT the best day of my life, the most important thing was that I married my best friend. I know you want your family to be there to celebrate your joy and love, and it is so incredibly hard when they can’t. Just know that your grandparents will be there either in body or spirit, holding your hand every step of the way no matter what.

Post # 4
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

OK, I don’t the time to write out the reply that you deserve, but I will later. 🙂 I wanted to give you a hug though. {{{{{}}}}}} I agree with your sister about doing the wedding you way and not worrying about your mother. That’s one of the highlights of having an encore wedding! Your wedding will be about you and T…nobody else, unless you want it to be. Hang in there!

Post # 5
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Just want to give you a big hug. ((())). I have one brother (out of 3) that is not coming to the wedding due to family drama. And instead of just sending his RSVP in as a no, he sent me a hurtful email  this week, spelling out all the reasons he is not coming. And to tell me and the rest of the family to forget about him. It hurts, but I’m going to celebrate the ones that will be there and will be happy for us; and to honor the one’s that can’t be there (mom/grandparents). Hang in there!

Post # 6
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

Awwww, Belle, I’m sorry you’re going through this! My Fi’s grandfather and possibly father may not be at our wedding due to health problems and it is so painful to picture it without them there…As for your mom, that is hard too when parents refuse to accept the responsibility that comes with family and I’m sure it’s frustrating and hurtful to both you and your sister…I’m so sorry, I hope whatever ends up happening, your wedding turns out as wonderful as you’d hoped! Don’t forget, you still have time, perhaps mother and sister will have a change of heart before next summer?!?!

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Big hug! Sorry life is throwing you a few more curveballs. I agree with runrgurl, maybe things will get more cordial between your mom and sis by next summer? Does she need to hear it from you? For now just focus on your grandparents.

Post # 8
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS)) I am so sorry to read that you’re going through this.  Even if your grandparents aren’t there physically I am sure they will be there in spirit just as you remembered them.  You will be able to feel their presence all around you on your very special day… I love the idea of a smaller wedding.  Perhaps you could go to a bed and breakfast and rent the entire thing out and have a wedding weekend with your family and close friends. I know of a lot of great places in Louisiana/Southern Mississippi that would be awesome for this that aren’t very cost prohibitive.

Your mom may come around. Everyone deals with the illness of their parents in a different way, maybe this is just her way.  Is it excusable, not at all, but maybe this is just her way.  I think your sister made very valid an awesome points.  Just remember you cannot change people that don’t want to be changed.

Post # 9
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Lots of (((((HUGS)))) I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this right now. It’s incredibly sad that your grandparents are in such poor health. It’s going to be devastating for you, your sister, T and your son if they won’t be able to make it to your wedding. Just know that no matter where they are, they’ll be celebrating with you for your special day. It’s also great to focus on all of the wonderful time you had to spend with them already. 90 and 88 are great ages to achieve, and it’s wonderful that your son was able to get to know them and love them as dearly as you do. Nothing will be able to replace the great memories that you’ve all been able to share with them.

As for your mom, I unfortunately don’t have much advice, but wanted to offer you lots of (((HUGS))) I know it doesn’t help, but feel free to vent to us anytime you need. I’ve been following your situation for a while now, and really feel for you with your situation with your mom. I’m hoping and praying that she comes around for your sake as well as your son’s sake. It’s very sad she doesn’t have time enough for her own children and grandchild.

I hope things start to look up for you! Just remember that you have a wonderful fiance who loves you, a wonderful son, and a wonderful sister who are all happy to spend your day with you. You have loving grandparents who would be there in a heartbeat if they could be, and you have all the loving memories to think about with them!

Post # 10
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

So sorry things are so difficult for you right now… hang in there, and consider yourself hugged by many!!

Post # 11
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

AWWWW  ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) Belle!  You just let it all out girl!  I know what you mean – even though everything’s happening for a reason, REALLY???

I’ve had days where I want to shake my fist at the Powers that be – OK we get it, I’m strong!  Now can you back off for a day or two???!!

Hang in there.  Your mom will be who she is – good or bad – and those who she is neglecting will have the love and appreciation for you (and the others) who care so much for them.  You can’t replace that and no one can take that love from you. 

Have the wedding you want and honor those you love that can’t be there in whatever way makes you happy.

Post # 12
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with all this drama instead of just enjoying the planning process.  It’s really too bad your mom can’t see how her actions are impacting the rest of the family. 

Ultimately, I think your sister is right.  You can have a perfectly lovely, elegant wedding and do it on YOUR terms.  Just know that you’ll be able to remember and honor your family members who are there in person AND in spirit however you like.  Hang in there, sweetie!

Post # 13
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

oh Belle, big hugs and best wishes for your grandparents, who obviously mean alot to you. I hope things can be sorted out with your mom and sister as well! positive thoughts! happy!

Post # 14
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

(hugs) I’m sorry to hear your grandparents’ health is failing. I’ll be keeping them in my thoughts, as well as your relationship with your mom.

Post # 16
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

@bellenga: get out?! you do know my parents live in olive branch. my ex-fiancee and i had a house in southaven. i live in baton rouge now….. i totally can see you in a bnb in northern louisiana, southern ms, they are so scarlet my dahlin’… i did a bridal show at desert plantation this past weekend. omg!!!!! let me know if you need any help with anything at all, you know i’m willing to help a hometown girl!!!!

 

and 70 years!!! congratulations to them!

The topic ‘The Official Bellenga Wedding Vent! Mixed Bag of Emotions Right Now’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors