- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
So, I made this post a few weeks ago about my relationship with my friend, K. Well, he came to town this week and we threw a party at a friend’s house. FI had work the next say, so he didn’t want to come. I was worried at first because this would be the first time there’d be drinking while we’re hanging out (he turned 21 this summer), but there were a lot of friends there and I knew that no one would let me do something stupid. And guess what…
I didn’t! I’m really proud of myself!! For once, I didn’t make a fool of myself. We were drinking and even spent the night and nothing! In the previous thread, several people commented that it was good that I was self aware about the situation. Honestly, I didn’t become as aware until just this year. I think that made all the difference. I think it also helped in being able to really see him for who he is as opposed to how I wanted him to be.
I’d always put him on a pedestal as this perfect guy who could do no wrong, who was above normal people problems. Dumbledore! He was Dumbledore, try to picture that sort of thing. Now picture getting drunk with Dumbledore and hearing about his sex-capades and various crazy adventures, pausing every now and then to go outside for a smoke. It blew my mind! My complete perception of him flew out the window and all I could think was that I didn’t want to know any of these things. It was like the world’s most powerful wizard was just an ordinary old man. Like finding out Santa Claus isn’t real.
It was strange, but liberating at the same time. It was strange to discover he’s the not person I thought he was and interact with him the way I do with any other person. It was liberating to finally, hopefully permanently, be over this crush on him that I’ve had for years. I like to consider myself an open book and am fairly adventurous. Everyone knows this. Before I was so ashamed to share that side of me with him because I didn’t want him to think little of me, but to learn that he can be crazy too just boggled my mind. It was really nice to be comfortable being the me that I’ve grown to be, not the me from back in high school.
It will be a while till I see him again, probably not till next year, so hopefully nothing will change in that time. I just wanted to give y’all an update since many of you were very helpful. The way it looks now, we may not need to part ways after all. I only hope it stays that way.