Post # 1
Just to forewarn you guys, this is semi-vent and semi-humor… take your pick.
I will be 23 on my wedding day and even though it’s more than a year off, my FMIL is already grilling us about when she can expect grandkids! [email protected]#$
My fiance will be in grad school for eons after the wedding and although I’ll be out of school, my goal is to save up as much money as I can while we are living in a small and very affordable apartment. Did I mention that it’s small? Somehow we’ve managed to fit a bedroom, an office, a living room, a dining room, and a fully stocked kitchen into 400 square feet. And three-to-five cats, depending on if our neighbor is home or not. That’s basically one cat every 10 feet. We’d have more room if we were hobos!
Now if we threw a baby into the mix, we’d have to start stacking furniture just to be able to walk. We’d have to start expanding our apartment, too, to include things like a nursery. Plus everything would need to be baby proofed, which means finding more ways to store things when the only closet is already busting at the seams. Maybe suspending boxes from the ceiling? Is that normal? Would suspending the baby from the ceiling be more acceptable?
Of course we could move somewhere bigger and start popping out babies right away, but that’s also mean we’d be dirt poor for forever and then some…. does anyone else so young have similar experiences yet? Can you sense the pressure without your FMILs/MILs actually saying anything? Are you planning to have kids right away without any parental prodding?
Post # 3
Where do you live? It seems like everyone where I am from (Texas/the south) gets this kind of pressure from thier early 20s on. But, where I live now, nobody in my circle is married until 28+ and not even considering kids before 30 – and it isn’t at all brought up by the parents. I’ve found that to be a really regional thing.
Post # 4
Oh, I definitely understand! FI and I are getting married next month– he’s 22 and I’m 21, and FMIL (AND my mother) are driving us insane about babies. We are nowhere ready yet, so we just try to ignore it and wait until the time is right for US. I want to enjoy being married for awhile (2-3 years) before throwing a baby in the mix and even then, we’ll still be really young, so the grandparents can just wait a little bit 🙂
Post # 5
oh yes… totally understand. FMIL and all his family for that matter told us at EIGHTEEN that we were getting old and should start thinking about kids. Yup.. you heard right… EIGHTEEN!!!!!!!!! Talk about culture differences… We just brush it off now… we’ll be ready when we’re ready…
ETA: We’re only 22 now and will be 23 when married.
Post # 6
@crayfish: You’re definitely right about Boston. I’m 25 and the youngest in our circle of friends. We will not being talking seriously about children for at least 3-5 years (FI is 28). I read a stat once that said Massachusetts has the oldest average Bride and Groom, and also the lowest divorce rate. It has to do with the plethora of higher education in the area.
Post # 7
Relatives who harass about kids will do it regardless of your situation.
I’m older than you but have made clear since I was about 3 years old to anyone within earshot that I don’t intend to procreate. That doesn’t stop people from harassing me. If they’re baby-prodders, they’re baby-prodders and having one will just leave them asking when the baby will get a sibling.
There’s no rush to have kids and I think you’d probably be doing your kids and yourself a favor by waiting a few years, getting done with grad school (not that there’s anything wrong with having kids first, but there’s no reason to force it into your lives). Think of snappy comebacks and live your life at your own pace.
Post # 8
@abarber3: I got the funniest mental image of a baby zooming around the room on a ceiling-track zip line- it’s been a long day.
Thankfully, I’m pretty sure my family is still in shock that I can stand anyone long enough to marry them- child is pretty far down the road in their minds and FILs are so concerned about making sure we all have the perfect image of propriety that they are probably afraid to bring it up- lest we jump the gun or something?
nevermind, FH just told me that they want us to wait till we already planned (9-10 years from now) to keep up with tradition of the father being 32 or so when the first child is born, and so that we can save up and “be rich”
Post # 9
We are getting lots of hints from both sides (I am 27), but luckily my cousin just got pregnant, so everyone gets to focus her attention on her for now! When people bring it up, I just say “give it 5 years” because I’m definitely not planning to rush it right now. They don’t argue with me, yet anyway…
Post # 10
@Knubbsy-Wubbsy: My parents are shocked about that too! Even I’m shocked about that hahahah
My FMIL keeps telling us she’s ready for our baby in 2013…. she kept saying 2012 until she realized that we’re getting married 5/18/2012. CALM DOWN. Yes I’d like kids sooner rather than later, but that doesn’t mean the bc goes out the window during the honeymoon. People need to realize its RUDE to make these comments. Thank goodness my FBIL is about to have a baby with his wife.