(Closed) The other woman’s ring…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: The proverbial noose/ring around my neck, what should I do with it?
    Cut it off - Ask him to sell it (the sooner the better) : (29 votes)
    54 %
    Loosen it - Give him time (he'll get to it eventually) : (16 votes)
    30 %
    Forget it - It's not bothering anyone : (9 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7082 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I wouldn’t sweat it too much.  You might want to talk to him and see how he feels about having it and what it might represent to him.  It might be that he is just procrastinating, or it might be that there is some deeper meaning behind holding on to it.  It’s hard to know without getting his take on it.

    Does he know that it feels like a noose to you?  I would imagine that he might be moved to act if he knew it was upsetting in any way to you.

    Healthy communication is key here.  He needs to not feel judged or criticized when you discuss it, and you need to feel heard.  This means coming across as accepting of him and loving.  You are well on your way to that, because it already comes across in your post.

    Good luck.  Keep us posted.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

    Wow, did this post of yours ever come at the perfect time! I’d talk to him about it again. He probably just forgot.

    On a very related note, today I took a huge step for us. See, we each came to this relationship with an old ring. At the time, we didn’t know what to do with them, so we stuck them in a box with our financial documents and other ‘only look at if needed’ items – a locked box where they’d be out of the way, basically.

    It’s been a long time now, and I don’t really see any reason for keeping these ‘sad’ reminders around. My ring had my grandma’s diamonds on it though, and I wanted them back.  So I decided to take a trip down to our jeweler, where we picked out my (soon to be my) ring. Although I was going there to get my diamonds out (and ask about a "secret diamond" for his band – I could use my grandma’s diamonds for this – they’re very small, pave sidestone-sized), I decided, what the hell, and brought his big (platinum) band with me too. 

    And after removing my grandma’s diamonds, I found that the rest of the stuff (the remaining diamonds, my metal, his metal) was worth $500 in trade! (I wasn’t expecting that much, since my old ring wasn’t too fancy). It was definitely worth it to bring this up to him, and we both agree that it’s a good thing to have the extra money in our budget and to have old memories out of the house! It’s rare when a past mistake can actually help you in a TANGIBLE way….!

    On a sidenote: I got to "visit" my diamond while i was there (it’s awaiting the setting). YAY shiny!

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t know what the process is, or how much you can get back for it.  My husband gave me the OK to sell his old wedding ring.  So I can relate to wanting to get rid of it.  However….if it’s a nice diamond go have it reset girl!  Make a nice pendant out of it.  It was only bad kharma for her.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

    Oh, and I didn’t have any papers for my diamond. I did trust my jeweler though, and he gave me a price I thought was plenty reasonable. More than a pawn shop would have, which was a little less than half of what was originally paid for it. I think it’s kind of like a used car – you will not be getting your original value back. I was just happy to get SOMETHING and have them take it off my hands. 😉

    Post # 9
    Member
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

    Well two of the diamonds were grandmas:

    Me:

    When I graduated from h.s., my grandma gave me a pair of little earrings that had like .005 carat diamonds on them. (They’re really small). They were my grand grandma’s and were really loose – so I never wore them because I was afraid i’d lose the diamonds. When I had my ring made, it was just a gold solitare ring (about a quarter-carat) and i decided to have those two diamonds, and one other one that i bought to match them, put in to the band. 

    Well the marriage did’nt work out, so I was left with this ring that had great grandma’s diamonds in it. Today, I finally did something about that! 

    Him:

    He and his ex-FI bought their rings together, but never actually tied the knot. So when they broke up, he was left with this brand new HEAVY platinum  band.

    Us:

    These breakups were hard for us, and we each are the first person we dated after those breakups (and the last! ). When moving in together, the rings surfaced and we had to do SOMETHING with them. Neither of us really wanted to deal with them, I guess, so we stuck them in a box together (a BLACK box, haha, a Box of Fail, as we called it), and locked them away.

    Now that we’re planning to tie the knot,  it’s been in the back of my mind that i have this OTHER ring, and so does he. So I finally decided to do something about it. Honestly if they had offered me 50 bucks for all of it i would have taken it, just to "cleanse" our home of it!!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

    Oooo that’s a good idea. Though the idea was "wow this’ll save us money on the ring", the man has convinced me that we need to get a Wii. So, that’s what I’m about to do. (Gonna get a wii fit – so it’s an investment in health, right? lol)

    If the ring’s like that one in the picture, you could just give it to me haha. I would be glad to take it off your hands for free! LOL – I like me some marquise! I agree, it’s good that he didn’t give it to you! That’d be really weird. We’re trying to make sure we get a ring for my mr.marquise that is different from the one he had before – which is hard since he really only likes very plain styles. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1719 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

    I see no harm in trying to sell it IMMEDIATELY and using the money to get something he/you/you both enjoy! 

    Post # 14
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee

    We’ve had a family stone graded by GIA. I would recommend bringing it to a trusted jeweler to have it removed if you go this route. Ask that they remove it in front of you so it cant be switched. The stone we had graded was somewhat small so we decided not to sell it just yet. However, since the ring has a negative past for you, I’d sell it for whatever you can and consider it found money. Put it towards your wedding bands or something else for your future together.

    On a totally different note, my aunt had the stone from my uncle’s first fiance reset for her engagement ring. She figured it was just the stone and had nothing to do with the ring she wanted. They’ve been married for 18 yrs now.

    Post # 15
    Member
    5399 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If it’s bothering you that much, just sell it as soon as you can and do what Mrs. Penguin said, use the money for the two of you.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

    @chela – that’s the plan. Right now he’s liking the titanium and the tungsten ones. They’re practically indestructable, too!

    The topic ‘The other woman’s ring…’ is closed to new replies.

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