- 3 years ago
Before I get any super snarky “cool story,bro”-type responses, I’ll start off NOW with saying I guess this post doesnt have a super significant point to it–Im just sharing a story and some of my thoughts on the situation. Your thoughts/opinions are obviously welcome.
BF and I have a couple we’re very good friends with. Double date all the time, go on mini trips together, etc. The guy, T, is actually my BFs best friend. Him and his girlfriend (apparently soon to be fiance) G, have been together a little over three years.
We love them dearly and really enjoy spending time together. The four of us are a very compatible group. However, theres one thing about them that has always annoyed us a lot-they constantly humblebrag about how they’re the perfect couple and never argue, or have any issues. They are, admittedly, very happy together, and we’re happy for them. But the whole ‘perfect relationship high horse’ gets eye roll worthy to hearabout sometimes.
For example, if I ever try to talk to her about something going on in my relationship-a vsnt, asking for advice, etc-she chirps about how she cant possibly imagine what Im going through because her and T always manage to work through and communicate about that stuff, and even once said when I asked her how she would feel if she were in my shoes, responded with ‘I dont know what Id do…if meand T had the problems you and BF have we wouldnt be together’. I was livid, and so turned off from talking to her after that.The issues she was referring to werehis overbearing parents–not absolutely life shattering issues between us. I stopped going to her for advice after that.
BF confided in me recently and told me T has been talking to him constantly about frustrations he is having with G. G graduated from college last year and has done nothing with her degree-she still is just working part time as a nanny, which is what she was doing while she was still in school. She doesnt earn enough to contribute to enough of the bills, in Ts ooinion, and he is very turned off by her lack of drive. He doesnt have a problem with her being a nanny, perse, but if she were doing it full time, taking classes on early childhood education, doing some volunteering with kids, got certified in CPR and first aid, etc etc- just showing some general push and aspiration and professionalism- he wouldnt mind. But hes starting to get pissed off that hes carrying 99% of the bills, works late and hard, to see her work part time and be easy breezy about it all.
BF suggestes he talk to her about it, because obviously she thinks everything is fine. He said hes mentioned it lightly to her a couple times, like askibg her if shes job searched lately for something involving her degree. He says she gets really gung-ho about it for a few days and then lets it die down and forgets about it. BF suggested he may need to be really firm about it and actually voice his concerns. T refuses to do this because hes “afraid theyll get in a fight about it”. BF said fights suck but maybe they need to have a fight, and a fight here and there is okay. T basically is freaking out, panicking, and letting resentment build and not say anything to her. BF dug a little deeper and T revealed hes legitimately terrified of arguing since theyve never done it and he wouldnt know how she would handle it. He also apparently said he feels like it would spoil their conflict free relationship-they enjoy marveling about how perfect they are. He doesnt want to be “one of those couples who fights”.
I could not help but roll my eyes about the absurdity of it all. Especially the subject matter–G once lectured me when I excitedly told her how BF surprised me with buying us a trip to Punta Cana, that she would NEVER let T completely foot the bill for anything because she believes in being financially independent from a boyfriend and I should follow suit.
I guess how I feel is, arguing and issues between you and your SO suck, and who DOESNT want the perfect relationship??–but they do give you the tools to communicate and handle tough times and adversity together stronger in the end..and Im glad Im not in a relationship where me and my SO are too afraid of not being perfect to face the music and face a problem like grown ups.