The pitfalls of being Mr. and Mrs. Perfect

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

ChicoryCreek:  I have come across a G or two in my life and it always makes me snicker when i know their little “precious” is somewhat of a facade. Keep your distance and watch it all crumble… maybe she’ll double back, humble herself and ask for you help one day. Then you can enjoy explaining to her how to work through issues with your “other” in a healthy way!

Post # 4
Member
6740 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

No relationship is perfect. At least your is real- not based on a facade!

Post # 5
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I doubt many couples want to be “one of those couples who fight,” but that’s why you set the groundwork to discuss issues in a healthy way. If these people are repressing every little disagreement, from not wanting to eat left overs to big picture financial problems, a blow up is likely on the horizon. 

Also, who the hell actually thinks they have the PERFECT relationship to go so far as to verbalize it to others?! Weird. Those people are likely the ones who have the most problems.

Post # 6
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

You both need to keep out of your friends’ relationship.  It’s fine to be friendly and supportive but don’t overstep the mark.  I think on this one they have to sort it out for themselves.

Be glad for their happiness even when they are annoying.  Let them sort out their own way of resolving conflict.

I agree that denial of conflict is a poor long term strategy but they have to find their own way forward.  For some people this means rows, for others it means reasoned discussion, for yet others it means bottling it up and then letting go.

If either of them confide in either of you then encourage them to talk to each other.  This is the sign of being a good friend.

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  .
Post # 8
Member
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with you.  Arguing sucks…but you become closer after you work through them. Arguing also means that each of you are actually passionate enough about things to stand up for your beliefs and actually have enough depth to have strong beliefs. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship because there aren’t perfect people.  Their relationship isn’t perfect either, clearly….because G doesn’t have enough confidence to actually stand up for himself.  Arguments don’t always have to be ugly. They can be nurturing.  I wouldn’t believe anyone who says they never fight & are a perfect couple. . .because they’re lieing!

Post # 9
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

I don’t see your friends’ relationship going long term for very long if one of them can’t voice when they have a problem with something and the other thinks nothing is wrong at all because of it. That just sets this up for some resentment later down the line and the other being blind-sided when her partner is miserable and explodes because of frustration.

If anything you should feel a little bad for your friends. They’re in for a rocky road if this is how they handle their problems in a relationship… the absense of conflict is NOT an indication of perfection anymore than the presence of it is an indication of imperfection. It’s just part of the nature of sharing your life with someone.

Post # 11
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

ChicoryCreek: yikes. They’re definitely not on the same page. She sounds super young and unable to empathize. Maybe they’ll grow up together or break up. The first step to a relationship ending is lack of communication Which is what we have here. 

Either way be glad it’s not you. 

Post # 12
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

DH and I are far from perfect, but we only truly argue maybe a few times a year. We don’t have to argue constantly to work out a disagreement. No doubt, this couple seems to have some major communication issues (actually sounds like a very new or immature relationship). However, not being in their relationship, it’s not really anyone else’s place to judge. Working those things out create boundaries and help couples figure out how to communicate, and it doesn’t happen overnight. 

I also will vent about minor annoyances to my closest friends or seek advice on a scenario from family, but I stop it there. Out of respect for him, I don’t bad mouth my DH in the slightest to casual friends or acquaintances. Even if they are venting to me about theirs, I politely listen and help give my input/perspective on the situation.

I especially would make a point not to vent about my DH if he is friends with their SO. Considering you know this woman is running back and telling her SO everything that you say, the same way your SO did with the information that his friend told him in confidence. No, thanks, I don’t want to be someone’s topic of conversation over dinner that night. It’s an embarrassing situation for someone to put their SO in. Since, they are guaranteed judging your relationship the same exact way that you are now judging theirs.

Post # 14
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

How old are your friends? They sound immature as fuck.

I’m a full-time nanny, actually making decent money, and I still know it isn’t a career (for me). And I got certified in Pediatric First Aid & CPR. It only takes a few hours and it cost me like $100, but it’s a good investment. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  ladyamalthea.
Post # 15
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

ChicoryCreek:  They haven’t ever fought because they’re tiptoeing around eachother and not being honest about their feelings. That’s not a healthy relationship or anything to boast about.  

My FI and I aren’t the kind of couple to have huge blow outs, it’s not our style but we certainly have disagreements. That’s part and parcel of sharing your life with someone.. you don’t have to morph in to one person with one frame of mind and one set of opinions.

Your BF should definitely tell his friend that it’s important that they are honest in their relationship.

They both sound immature and have a lot of growing up to do. Don’t let the judgement phase you, they’re going to learn some harsh lessons soon. Just smile and nod and don’t share too much personal information!

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