- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I’ve been planning my wedding for 10 months now, with 6 months left to go. I have my invitations, have ordered my dress, picked out my bridesmaid dresses, and I have even ordered my bouquets and have our rings! I’ve done everything that I can do to keep myself on-track and sane.
But what I can’t control, it seems, is the fact that people keep trying to invite themselves.
So far, I have had my massage therapist talk semi-seriously about crashing… and even our regular waiter at the place FH & I go to! We’re having a small wedding, with only immediate family & close friends, but it’s getting uncomfortable when people start making hints that they want to attend.
The worst, however, is my extended family.
My dad is part of a big family, and I have somewhere around 30 first cousins on just his side. My bio-mom & stepmom’s families are both smaller, as is FH’s, but everyone still adds up. And we’re paying for everything ourselves. We ended up having to say that we’re NOT inviting Aunts/Uncles/Cousins since it would actually triple our guest list if we invited them… even if we just invited the Aunts/Uncles it would double our guest list. Unfortunately, I’ve been getting some flack from my family about this, and I’ve had two of my dad’s siblings call me so far, mentioning “Oh, I heard you got engaged… I just want to know the details of where/when/etc.” One even went so far as to try to guilt me, saying that her son is inviting ALL of the family to his out-of-state wedding… because even though he knows most won’t make it, it’s only “polite and proper” to invite your family.
So, since I can’t stop people from TRYING to invite themselves, I decided to lay down some ground rules on how to handle them. I might not be able to keep them from asking/hinting, but I can certainly control what happens next.
1. There is no need to try to justify who you do or do not invite. Explain once to people who try to hint to get invitations… and see if you can make it part of the normal conversation, especially if they’re not coming right out and asking. You don’t want to sound defensive or start an argument. Hopefully they’ll get the hint when you casually mention venue size limitations or how you’ve always dreamed of having a small/intimate wedding.
2. Find alternatives so that people can watch your wedding. I’ve found a few services that will stream your wedding and have it available on-demand for a period of time. Other services will edit & or host video that you’ve provided. There are also free options such as U-stream, but you may have more difficulty with connection and clarity. Ask your videographer if they have streaming or hosting services if you’re planning to have one. If not, do a google search for wedding streaming or wedding video hosting… and make sure to read the reviews! Also check with your venue for internet availablity if you’re planning to stream.
3. If you’ve decided on a streaming or hosting option, that’s an easy way to derail a conversation. For the aunt who mentioned her son and his Out-of-State wedding.. I slipped into the conversation, “That’s why we’ve decided to find a way to stream the wedding so that people not at the ceremony will still be part of our big day.” Make it seem like you’re doing it to include the, not to cut them out.
And most importantly:
4. Stay firm. Most of us are working with pretty strict budgets. Adding people to the guest list, especially under pressure from others, will add more stress to what should be a happy thing. Remember, your wedding is for YOU and YOUR spouse, and you should be surrounded by the people you care most about!