The Problem with Engagements and Facebook

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you announce on Facebook?
    Immediately after the ring! (without telling anyone pre-fb post) : (8 votes)
    2 %
    I'd definitely tell my parents first! : (43 votes)
    10 %
    I'd tell my immediate family first (grandparents, parents, siblings) : (216 votes)
    49 %
    I would rather tell as many people in person first : (155 votes)
    35 %
    I would not post to FB at all : (23 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5204 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @peachykeener:  What exactly is a stag & doe?

    Post # 4
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    @cbgg:  Bachelor and bachelorette parties.

    I told as many of my family that I could first (including aunts, uncles, and cousins). Spoke to some in person, some I had to email because they are far away, and I called my parents, sister and closest friend a few minutes after I got engaged. I think I waited about a week before changing my status on Facebook.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    I called my parents and best friend first, then posted to FB later that night. My grandmas and closest aunt don’t have computers so I wasn’t worried about them finding out that way. My parents passed on the news to them for me and I followed up the next day to give details. Everyone else moderately close to me knew it was coming soon, so the FB post was just confirmation that the next time I saw them we’d have “squee!”-chat.

    Post # 6
    Member
    918 posts
    Busy bee

    You need an option for “I would never put anything about my engagement or wedding on Facebook”.  Not that it bothers me if others do, in fact I wouldn’t mind at all if I found out via Facebook that one of my friend was engaged.  I wouldn’t put anything about my own relationship on Facebook though, I don’t even have a relationship status on there.

    Post # 7
    Member
    767 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I plan on telling family and closest friends in person before putting anything on Facebook. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2420 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @peachykeener:  I hope I didn’t break anyone’s heart, the vast majority of my friends found out about my engagement on facebook.  I’m inviting 32 close friends to my wedding, at 20 minutes a call (which, given our typical phone conversation duration, is majorly low-balling it) that’d be over 10 hours of phone calls.  Maybe I’m just justifying my laziness but I wanted to spend that time goofily smiling at my fiance…and ring…mostly ring 😉

    My family was all present for the proposal, if not I’d have called right away because I lack any sense of patience 🙂  Parents finding out on facebook would be pretty bad, I’m sorry your SO’s aunt had to find out that way.  *I was going to write future aunt in law but the acronym would be FAIL and that’s just not cool, haha sigh, it’s late.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2421 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I hate stag and doe parties. I’m from Toronto, no one in my social circle would have one. I think it’s embarassing to fundraise for your wedding. Have a wedding you can afford. I’ve been to one. And only because it was for my cousin (his wife’s family does them) and I couldn’t get out of it. 

    I will call both our parents and skype our siblings. Ill text my best friends, then it’ll go up on Facebook. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    @sostobe:  oh I thought stag and doe were just other names for the bachelor and bachelorette parties? Here that’s what they are anyway. I couldn’t imagine having a party just to get people to fund the wedding!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2421 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    @Jacqui90:  I wish. In parts of ON they’re a party with tickets sold, raffles, silent auctions, fish insurance and all sorts if money grabs for the engaged couple. I get that in smaller towns it’s a night out and a big party, but funding your wedding off the backs of your friends irks me. In Manitoba they call them ‘socials’.  They aren’t common where I’m from, so maybe that’s part of my dislike for them. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    9226 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2018

    @sostobe:  That would really piss me off!

    Post # 14
    Member
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    @peachykeener:  We told our parents, siblings, and close friends who would be in our wedding party. Mostly in person, when we could, some by phone. We did not post anything except to change our relationship status, which is how everyone else found out. I personally just don’t like stag and does, and yes a few friends had them and they are somewhwat common here (I say somewhat because I had grownup here but hadn’t heard of them until I was about 25, which might explain why).

    Post # 15
    Member
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    @sostobe:  Nah, I am not a fan and like I said in my last they are semi-common where I live.  We are not having one and my family would frown down on it. There was one couple that had one … Just so they could have a nicer wedding even though they both have very good jobs and own a very nice and big house. Oh, and it must have been nice for them to go on two nice vacations after the wedding and he gave her a $1k designer handbag not long after. That kind of makes me mad because it is not like they really need the monetary help. At the time I think we were on a grocery budget of approximately $120 per month but FI (at the time SO) would still give $ because he viewed them differently than me (supporting thecouple). I am more begrudgingly supportive when it is a couple that is struggling, but I am more of a fan of hosting something you can afford. I think about half the weddings we have gone to in the past four years (including next year) have had stag and does. So, again, only semi-common.

    Post # 16
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I got engaged on a Friday night. I deactivated my Facebook FIRST, then called my immediate family, then extended, and then close friends. Some friends got texts. It depended on the relationship and how we usually communicated. I had made a list a few months prior of all the people I felt deserved a phone call or text, so no one was left out (you’re a little flustered). It was a long night on the phone! I reactivated Facebook and posted about it that Monday at lunch time, so I was able to surprise my coworkers.

     

    I deactivated Facebook because not everyone answers their phone that night and I wanted the chance to personally tell all the people I wanted. When my sister got engaged, I was one of the first phone calls she made. Not even thinking about it, when we hung up, I wrote a comment on her Facebook wall. She called me back immediately and asked I take it down bc she hadnt finished her phone calls yet. It was an innocent mistake that I didn’t want to deal with. Also, drag out telling people if you can. This is exciting news that you will want to tell for more than one night.

     

    My biggest advice is to deactivate your social media and delay posting about it until you personally tell all those you want. 

     

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