Post # 1
I just discovered some very dear and sweet friends are throwing a surprise bridal shower for me. No one knows that I know. I wish I didn’t know because I love surprises. Both ladies in my wedding party are out of state, so a few of my local friends are throwing it.
I will never let on that I found out, and I am so grateful they are taking the time, energy, and expense to do this for me. I am honored. But since our wedding invitations are not out yet, they really don’t know what our guest list is and…
about 1/2 of the ladies invited to the shower are not on the wedding guest list. That is the problem with surprise showers.
I have no way to fix this. We are at capacity for our venue. The invites for the shower are out.
I am posting for two reasons: 1)if anyone has a solution, I would love to read it. And 2) if you are planning a surprise wedding shower, you really need the wedding list before you invite people.
So how bad is this? The shower is one week after I mail out the local wedding invites.
Post # 2
I would let on that you have the guest list for whenever someone decides to throw you a shower. Are your in town friends communicating with your MOH? Maybe you could just let the MOH know that you’re in the know, and she could relay the list casually.
Or of course, you can just reveal to all that you know about the shower. I’d rather do that than have anyone offended at not being invited to the wedding.
Post # 3
wabanzi: First of all , you can relax. You are not the hostess so you are not responsible for any etiquette faux pas.
The etiquette sites and the Bees will all say that no one who is not invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. There are exceptions to that rule as there are to almost all rules.
Many showers are hosted by groups like book clubs, work colleagues, old neighbors, friends of the bride’s mother etc in full awareness that they will not be invited to the wedding. They just want to celebrate your marriage and share in your happiness.
Post # 4
bowsergirl: Unfortunately, from what I understand the invitations for the surprise shower are out. So a list at this point will not help.
julies1949: I know it is not my etiquette bad. And I wouldn’t give it a second thought if it was a work shower (at work) –we have them all the time. These ladies are all in a grey area and have a semi-reasonable expectation of being invited to the wedding–and would have been if we had room for 200+ (or if FI’s family wasn’t ginormous). They are basically good friends of good friends that I see often at others’ parties, but not my good friends (if that makes sense). I’m not stressed. And mostly I am so touched at the thoughtfulness of the party (so sweet). But have to admit that I feel a bit guilty nonetheless. But I guess there isn’t much I can do.
Post # 5
wabanzi: Remember that it is an invitation, not a summons. If they don’t want to attend, they have the option of declining the invitation.
Post # 6
julies1949: Absolutely! And I certainly won’t blame them if they decline the shower. I’m glad the wedding invites will be out by then so they will know.
I really appreciate your response too. Thank you.