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Well my guy is one also. He's been divorced about 3.5 years. He was divorced 1.5 years when we began dating.
I think with either an encore bride or groom we have more hurdles to overcome due to the past. And especially if we were burned badly by our exes. I was for one.
We're going to be official soon so I know it's taken a leap of faith for both of us but with love and patience you can have the marriage that will last the rest of both of your lives!
For us, because of our previous relationships, he knew what he wanted and went for it when he found it. We got engaged REALLY fast (three months of dating). Getting him to the "alter" was a little tougher. We took a long time to pick a date and then the date we picked was really far out (we were engaged 20 months). He had a lot of issues with actually getting married, but only because of what he went through, not because of me personally. He knew he wanted to make the committment to me and stay with me. I guess it's different for everyone after they've been through a divorce, but for us, once we met, we knew this is what we wanted.
What about the opposite?
My current bf wants to marry me and he has only been separated for 11 months and the divorce isn't finalized until Feb 2011. (we've also been dating for 3 months)
He told me that his first marriage has shown him clearly what he wants and doesn't want out of life.
If he pops the question after the ink is dry on the papers..... should I do it?
@Oneeleven: I had the same issue as you... He wanted to propose before his divorce was final... and then I had to stress that he had to wait a bit before proposing... He finally understood what I was saying,... His divorce was final in April and he proposed in June.
But I do agreed, and so does FI... after being in a bad marriage, and you find "the one", there is no point in waiting...
Good Luck !!!
@Oneeleven: That's a question only you can answer. I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" answer; it all depends on the two of you, your relationship, and your circumstances.
My husband had been divorced for nine months when we got married. But the marriage had been over for several years before that. He had been unhappy for a very long time and was very certain about what he did and did not want.
I don't think there is anything wrong with marrying soon after a divorce, as long as both parties finished all the emotional business of the first marriage and are ready to make a new committment. Some people are there before the divorce is finalized; others take a while after to get to that point.
Hmm thanks guys!
The weird (good) thing is,, he is amicably splitting from his wife. This is the strongest connection either one of us has ever felt with another human being.
Now I have to also dig deep inside and figure out how to get past the feelings of .... remorse for lack of a better word in knowing that he already had the 'dream' wedding, and did all those milestones firsts with her. (moved cites, bought a house, tried for a baby [she miscarried],) etc etc...
This is actually how I found this site, looking for other women who feel the same as I on this.
Great forum :)
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Goofy title. My apologies if I offended you. :P
If your guy is an encore groom, did it take longer than you were expecting for him to pop the question (or is it taking longer)? How did it affect your wedding planning? How did you take into account his past experiences and expectations?
I'm asking because my boyfriend is divorced, and he's far more sensitive to the obstacles we're facing than I am. He divorced recently (a little over a year ago), and he keeps bringing up reasons to delay marriage which I have repeatedly explained don't make a difference to me (i.e., I'm finishing my BA next spring and don't have my career in order yet...but if we don't do it next spring, I'll either end up staying in a crap job just so I'm doing something, or I'll delay the wedding for another 2-3 years so I don't put my fledgling career in danger by being distracted).
He knows how I feel about it. Obviously there are other issues there, and I totally understand that. I'm just seeking a little guidance in addressing the previous marriage without being insensitive.