(Closed) The response cards are coming back with uninvited guests

posted 8 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1990

I would call and explain nicely that you are unable to accomodate extra guests.  Etiquette traditionally may say otherwise but I think everyone is aware of the current economic state worldwide and will understand.  You can also say that your venue only has a limited number of spaces available and there is no room for the extra tables.

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

are the 3 children adults?  either way…

1. pick up phone

2. dial number

3. say thank you very much for your prompt rsvp, i really appreciate it but we are keeping the wedding small and can only fit the FIVE people that were on the FREAKING INVITATION you idiot (you can leave out the idiot part)

4. depending on response, oh im sorry you can no longer attend or thank you so much for understanding and we look forward to seeing the FIVE of you and only the FIVE at the wedding

🙂

sending hugs because this must be really frustrating

 

Post # 5
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, I’m always shocked that people have to deal with this.  Luckily, none of our guests tried this. I would have been unhappy about it, because our guest list was pretty small.

Honestly, I think you have two options–allow the extra people, or confront them about it.  Even if it’s awkward, if you can’t/don’t want to accomodate the extra guests, I think you have to contact the guests.  Let them know that you’re glad they’ll be attending, but sadly, you won’t have room to accomodate the extra guests who were not included on the invitation.  You can even tell them that you will understand if they can’t make it without the extra folks, in case they decide that it’s more important to be with their guests than come to the wedding.  I wonder if maybe people get away with this because it’s so awkward to confront people when they do this.  If it were me, I’d say something because I know how hard we worked on the specific guest list we sent.

Post # 6
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I found the easiest way would be to have the closest person to them make a phone call or send an email.  In my case when we had uninvited guests RSVP, it was my mom’s extended family.  She contacted them letting them know who was invited and that we were tight on space and keeping this intimate, etc.  If it was my DH’s family or friends, he would have handled it etc.

I think that you can keep it short and sweet.  “Thank you for RSVPing to out wedding.  However, as much as we’d love to be able to have everyone be there, we are limited by space and our budget, so we cannot allow your children to bring guests.  We’re sorry for the inconvenience, but really looking forward to celebrating with you!  Love, bride and groom”

Post # 7
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I would definitely say call them, and DON’T feel bad about it – they are the ones who are being incredibly rude, not you! Smile

Post # 8
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

You need to get on the phone with these folks asap and tell them that you don’t have room/money to accommodate extra people. Ask if they will still be attending alone. They’re the ones being rude.

Post # 9
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Def. call them and make them aware of the situation…

I had something similiar happen. I sent a invitation to my adult cousins and their daughter all together on the same invite. The following way:

Mr. & Mrs. XX

Miss. XX

 

The daughter (who is my age) proceeds to send me a message via facebook asking “if her boyfriend was invited or not because she can’t tell by the invitation”..

um hello does it say “& GUEST” next to your name!  People have no class when it comes to fuctions.. It always seems when your paying per person every1 and their mother wants to come. but when its a family birthday or a BBQ.. those people can never attend!

 

Post # 10
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I have a suggestion for all brides who haven’t sent their invitations yet: Include a note explaining the etiquette of accepting/declining invititations. LOL. This is funny only because so many people are utterly clueless as to how this stuff works. Sorry you have to deal with this Donnablazer – but at $140 per head I’m afraid you have to hold your ground unless you are able to add these additional guests (+ any other add-ons that may pop up later).

Post # 11
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Un freakin believable..I can’t even believe that people would be so rude..as if no one is paying for the dinner… I guess if they are so rude as to invite other people you can be so rude as to tell them no..

Post # 12
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Yeah.. it happened to us as well. It’s just so unbelievable how people can be so insensitive. What we did is call the people that we invited (who was going to bring extra guest) and just tell them that we’re afraid we don’t have enough space to accomodate extra guests. They should be understanding enough!

Post # 13
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would contact them ASAP or have someone close to them contact them. If they are adult kids they usually get their own invitation, even if they are living at their parents house. We did this for lots of my cousins, even if they did live at their parents, to make sure they knew if they were invited alone or could bring a plus one. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Blarg – why do people do this? You’ve got to call, and quickly too before they make travel arrangements or, heaven forbid, tell the other guests what they’re up to.

Post # 15
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I used to read stories like this and think, “whew, I’m glad none of my friends will do anything like this.” Well, I was wrong!  It is bizarre to me, but I think some people genuinely don’t understand that the invitation applies only to the person/people it is addressed to.  You are in the right to call/email them- in my case I explained that our venue has a strict maximum capacity (it does) and that we unfortunately could not accommodate extra guests. There were no hard feelings and everyone was very understanding.

Post # 16
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry! I agree with the other posters! @ $140/plate you nedd to call them ASAP!

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