Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
I’m sure there have to be some of you out there who are living the life of the married, except without the rings or the certificate.
If this is the case, you probably share a lot of expenses; we do. We pretty much know where all of the money from each of our checks is going to go – from savings to monthly bills to splurges (and we discuss the splurges before they happen). My man can be sneaky – he COULD have squirreled away money without me noticing… but he didn’t, because he’s good and honest (or maybe ’cause I know his passwords and he figured it’d be pointless? ). So we looked at a lot of rings, found out the price-ranges of the things I was interested in, and came up with a ball-park number range. Then, we talked about budget.
::Tangent::When we designed the ring with the jeweler and he totalled up "the number", the jeweler tried to conceal it from me, asking my man if it was OK for me to see it. (Yeah! I need to edit the budget!)::/Tangent::
As a result, I’m a unique position as a fiance-to-be: I know exactly how much my ring costs, I jiggered our budget around to make it happen, and (since we don’t have a concept of ‘your money/my money’): I know that we are each partially paying for it.
How does it sit with me? I feel good to contribute (and great that we didn’t have to take out any loans). It makes me feel like we’re really a strong couple, being able to cooperate and be equal in everything. But I also feel guilty for the cost (and wonder if I’d feel less guilty if I was oblivious to how much it cost). On the other hand, If I didn’t know, I’d probably try to find out. (I’m too nosy to let sleeping dogs lie.) And I do feel like we’ve partially ruined the surprise, me knowing everything about my ring (from how it looks to what it costs). But in exchange, it’s allowed us to find a ring I love and to work together at buying it.
So for those of you in this situation: How are you dealing (or how did you deal) with purchasing your e-ring? Did you know "the number" (and did/do you wish you did or didn’t)? Other pros/cons/comments about your e-ring situation?
Post # 3
In the end, our spending comes up pretty much equal. He’s buying the e-ring and paying for a portion of his band (he’s managed to pick out a pretty pricey one) and I’m paying for the other portion of his and am going to buy my wedding bands (I want two channel bands).
I was very much a part of the planning process, but this is the nature of our relationship. We dream together, and we make things happen together. I couldn’t imagine it any other way 🙂 So I’m going to agree with you that I’m happy to help pay for it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
That’s so fitting for us too! "We dream together, and we make things happen together. I couldn’t imagine it any other way :)"
Post # 5
We are in the same general boat as you as far as finances go. We share most expenses. But, we don’t check each others accounts, so it was easy for him to buy my original ring without me knowing. My ring started out as a surprise, but the one he picked didn’t fit me. So, we worked together to custom design my engagement ring. I liked being part of the process, and helping with the cost, much better than being surprised, even though I really liked the original ring.
In our case, there was no drawback to me knowing how much it cost. I may have had a twinge of guilt once or twice in the process, but I know that it is something that I’ll enjoy and wear forever. We make about the same amount of money, and I don’t expect him to provide for us any more than I do, so knowing and sharing the cost of this made sense to us. One thing that was important to me was the fact that the proposal was a total surprise. Whether he had a ring or not, I was glad that he surprised me and made the proposal personal.
Post # 6
that was nice Marquettemonv15. I agree.
My FI was laid off quite a bit before I met him and thus accumulated a bit of debt. We’re working on fixing that but it’s been hard, especialy since he is a huge splurger. He loves to buy "toys," but I’ve worked very very hard to "beat" that trait out of him.. haha.
Well, when we went to look at rings I was trying to find the cheapest possible ring without getting something I hated. If left to his own devices I knew he would spend more than we could afford, which on one hand seemed exciting but on the other I knew it would only make our lives that much harder.
Well, we ended up finding a ring that was amazing for less than 1/3 of it’s value. It was so awesome and well within our price range, except we had to buy it right then to ensure someone didn’t beat us to the punch. So like you I know every detail about it. In fact, since his credit is shot I ended up having to take the line of credit out on it.
He insisted that he pay for every bit of it and that I not put anything else on the credit line (like the watch he really wants) so that it wouldn’t get mixed up and only he would pay on the ring. Really sweet, but it’s still weird to know that the ring is in my name. I even had to drive the check up to the store and pay them the first payment last week since I didn’t have to work and he did.
But he made all worth it. After we found the ring he took me aside and asked me if that was what I wanted. Then told me how much I meant to him; that I was the most important thing in the world to him and that he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with me… and that wasnt even the proposal 🙂
he made it totally worth it that I know all the details
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception
I had no idea that Mr. Sushi was going to propose. The fact that he actually went out and picked out a ring and bought it for me all on his own still has me in shock. It’s not a ring that I would pick out for myself, but I love it because I know that he picked it out for me all on his own.
Post # 8
I told him for years what I liked but he still wanted me to pick it out. When it came down to it we went and looked at a few stores. We new the price range we were looking in so there were no surprises. We figured out how we’d *he would* pay for it. He put a big deposit down, financed the rest (0% for a year) so we have monthly payments. But we plan to pay the rest off when we get our taxes back. So we had it all planned out.
Post # 9
My future in-laws gave him the engagement ring his father proposed to his mother with. He wanted to pick it out himself, but though I’d love the sentimentalness behind it. So he used the diamond and had it re-set with a band he picked out. He paid for everythign and did not let me know when he was going to do it. He wanted everything to be a surprise.
Post # 10
We went looking together so he could see what I liked. We saw a setting that I fell in love with- but we were only looking.
Unbeknownst to me, he went back a purchased it! And while I wound up picking the setting, he chose the center stone.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
@idahosummer – Sounds like we are in the same boat – we’re mutual providers and we both definitely wanted something that’ll be special and that I’ll love forever. I’m looking forward to the proposal still – I have no idea what it’s going to be (or when).
@rnc620 – that’s so sweet! (I know what you mean about the ring being in your name being odd). I wrote the deposit check for mine and I think the jeweler thought that was a little weird!
@mssushi – that’s cool – I know a part of me will always be jealous of girls who were genuinely surprised.
@Jeska June20 – that’s a good idea. Our tax refunds are going to pay mine off, too!
@Newport Nuptials – that’s really sweet and sentimental!!
@rosychicklet – Hah! Those tricky guys… When we originally went out looking, I was supposed to point out some styles so that his shopping later would be easier. We ended up picking the exact one together, but that’d not what we’d originally planned.
Post # 12
My FI designed my engagement ring and it was everything I wanted and more. He did a wonderful job, I only told him I wanted cushion cut, and he did the rest! I can’t wait to see my wedding Band!!!!!!!!!! Only 18 days to go!!!!!!!
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
@iamthebride2009 – wow, not long now!! how exciting!
Post # 14
My fiance is very opinionated. Even though I have always said I LOVED princess cut, he didn’t. When he finally proposed (after 7 and a half years), I think I was most surprised that it was a beautiful princess cut ring!
I know a ball park of what he spent and have offered to contribute to the payments, but he will not hear of it! Back to that whole opinionated thing! =) He went so far as to say he was going to call the jeweler to tell him not to accept my money!
Post # 15
I voted "Sort of." I gave him some general guidance (ie, that I don’t want yellow gold and that I don’t care if it’s a diamond or a different stone entirely), but I don’t want to know exactly how much he is spending on it before he buys it. If he wants to tell me afterward (i’ll probably have to find out, since I’ll want to get it insured), that’s fine. But I’m not usually comfortable with people spending money on me, so I don’t want to be there when he buys it or anything. He has been in the workforce for several more years than I have, and I know he has a decent amount of money saved. He also makes significantly more than I do. I have very little money right now; I couldn’t help pay for it even if I wanted to, and I know he wouldn’t let me even if I offered. I sent him a couple of pictures and a couple of local jeweler suggestions, but the rest is up to him.
The fact is, I really don’t know exactly what I want. I’m not a jewelry person, really, and this is not something I have thought about much before. I know I’ll be happy with anything he chooses, though. 🙂
Post # 16
My fiance did all of the research and budgeting on his own, and boy was I impressed. I didn’t see the proposal coming since I was still in school and never expected a proposal. We were living together at the time, and it’s almost impossible to hide anything from each other. Whenever we mentioned the topic of rings, I only gave him one criteria as to the shape. I wanted to be truly surprised, and we never went ring shopping together.
After he proposed to me, he spilled the beans about all the research and effort he put into finding the perfect ring. He only told me the price because it was part of the story that went into the ring. My fiance bought a loose diamond from blue nile for an amazing price and brought it back to the jeweler where they compared the original diamond he had picked out in store and the one be bought online. The price difference was huge between the diamond online and in store, and the quality of the online diamond was actually better but just a tad smaller in weight. The jeweler decided to give him an amazing deal, dropping about 2k off the price tag to keep him as a customer. Even the workers at the store couldn’t believe the deal.
Even to this day I’m really impressed by the way my fiance researched and put so much effort into my ring.