Post # 1
I don’t want to sound picky and shallow when I write this and I hope my post does not convey that about me. My soon-to-be fiancé showed me my e-ring in a picture last night.
I want to end my post there and jump around with happiness but that’s not really the case. It is nothing like what I imagined it would be. I would have posted a picture but I don’t want him to come across this post by mistake. The stones are a different COLOR and I don’t see myself wearing it for the rest of my life. Let’s just say the stones won’t match with everything. I always wanted a more traditional e-ring for myself. He asked me if I liked it and what could I say? I HAD to say “yes.” I didn’t show too much enthusiasm about it. He already bought it. The only thing I can hope for is that he doesn’t want to show me the real ring so he’s just trying to mess around with this other one. I couldn’t even sleep properly all night so I had to turn to the hive to vent.
Is there anything I can say to him that won’t hurt his feelings?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
it’s a toughy….I was afraid my FI would pick out something I didn’t like..one day he called all excited saying he had found the perefect ring and wanted to show me before decided to buy it. He had me look at 3 different rings so he wouldn’t give it away..he wanted my honest opinion to make sure. Unfortunately the one he loved I really wasn’t thrilled about. I could tell by his expression when I reacted to the ring. In the end he picked up on my reactions to certain rings and ended up picking the perfect one on his own. Perhaps your guy is trying to get a feel for what you liked, it is my guess that maybe he didn’t buy that one. Why would he have shown it to you if he had already picked it out on his own? If he knew you would see it you would think he would have included you when he picked it out.
Post # 4
I also suspect he didnt actually buy that one. Are there ANY diamonds in it? What do you mean “colored stones”? Did he know you’d want a more traditional ring?
And the biggest question, if he bought the ring already WHY WHY WHY show you the picture instead of just proposing and giving you the actual ring!? Probably because it’s not your ring and he got you something much nicer that he knows you’ll truly like. 🙂
Post # 5
if he is anything like my FI, he picked a photo of an ugly ring to throw you off. IF THAT IS IT – You can always go back and be like “listen, I LOVE the ring, but since the stones are colored it doesnt match and people dont think its an engagement ring.” and swap out the colored stones. Dont stress it till you get the actual ring…never know
Post # 6
Talk to him. IF you don’t, you’ll bottle it up and in a month or whatever, you’ll get upset at him and it WILL be too late to return the ring. If you haven’t worn it, most jewelers are understanding and will take it back.
Could he not afford real diamonds possibly? and that maybe he will upgrade you later?
If he asked for your opinion, give it. Just say, “you know, I was thinking, I like the ring you picked out, but I don’t think it’s quite an engagement ring. I was really hoping for a traditional ring, and I don’t want you to be upset, but I want you to know and I don’t want to have to fake happiness with it”. He’ll probably be a little mad, but you have to be honest.
I don’t get why he showed it to you, though. But who knows, men do strange things. Still, it sounds like he could just be throwing you a curveball, but personally, I don’t like surprises and I wouldn’t appreciate the trick =]
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
He may be just throwing you off the trail, as KellyV said. But if he isn’t, your best bet is to talk to him rather than to bottle it up. Just be sweet about it. :-/
Post # 8
EJS, that’s great advice – “I like the ring, but I want people to know we’re engaged when they look at it. So it needs to signify ‘engagement’ – and voila! This is what it would look like!”
Post # 9
If you really don’t like it, you have to be honest with him. Not good to start an engagement off with hidden negative feelings. He’ll probably be a little upset that he didn’t get the ring right the first time, but he’ll be happier knowing that you truly love your ring in the long run.
Post # 10
I agree with everyone else that he is probably trying to throw you off the trail. Is that a “him” thing to do? If so, I would say that’s probably what it is.
If not, first of all, keep the right perspective. You’re getting married to the man you love! But the explanation that you want it to say “ENGAGEMENT” is a great one. I would definitely go with that, and have the colored stones reset into a necklace so he doesn’t think you rejected them.
Post # 11
Thanks a LOT everyone! I went for a walk and called the BF. We talked for a bit then I held my breath and “casually” mentioned the ring. He said he liked it and that’s why he chose it. I gave him the “I want it to say ENGAGEMENT” line several of you mentioned and he said we’d look for a new one together!
I have learned that it’s best to discuss it rather than bottle it up, no matter what issue it is. I’m glad I waited until today and I didn’t say it last night. He has very unique tastes and this has been the first one I didn’t really like. The ring is beautiful but not for an engagement. I guess I won’t know if he was joking with me about it until he comes out and says it.
Post # 12
So glad it worked out for you… You are your BF doing yourselves a great service by being honest – even when it kinda sucks – Happy ring shopping!
Post # 13
So, so glad it worked out. I am so terrified of this exact situation! My boyfriend, he means well and sometimes he hits it completely (the watch he got me for Christmas was perfect)… and sometimes he misses the mark completely (the muted color cowboy picture for my birthday)… and engagement ring? Not so much the time to miss the mark!