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Wow this is one of the best explanations I've heard. I think I've been through all of these stages and now go between the last two. Most days I'm at the last stage of STOPSTRESSINGITSGOINGTOHAPPEN although last night it was more of the BLAH/UGH. I think part of the problem for me is that #1 SO has had the ring for almost 4 months and he knows that I know he has it and #2 BFF just got married so I have that constant reminder that I'm not, it makes it a little hard.
I'm so glad to hear that your BLAH/UGH stage didn't last long. That's totally where I am at now!
@KatyInWaiting:lol I love your description of the stages lol I think I'm somewhere in between the OMGOMGOMG and IMSOEXCITEDANDIJUSTCANTHIDEIT lol cause I know SO has put money down on a ring, but I'm not sure if he has the ring in his posession yet. I also have moments where I'm like OMG a year from now I could be married, I keep looking to the future lol
@happy2bee: I think I may have killed him by new if I knew he had the ring for four months and still hadn't asked!! lol
@edub: I think that was the scariest stage - I'm glad it seems to have passed, because I seriously was just MISERABLE about the who situation!!!
@annasaf83: There's a lot of obsessing in those stages!! I literally thought something was wrong with me!!
hehe actually the more I was thinking about it, the more I think I'm almost constantly all the stages at the same time!
I'm stuck in the blah/ugh stage, no crazy obssessing but no excitement either.
I'm in the IMSOEXCITEDANDIJUSTCANTHIDEIT and STOPSTRESSINGITSGOINGTOHAPPEN -- Like a mixture of both! But mostly because I have the timeline of the "end of the year" now. LOL
I'm just recently out of the WTFWHYHAVENTYOUDONEITYET haha
This made me chuckle! I think I'm in between the Blah/ugh and the stopstressingitsgonnahappen stage! Does that mean I will get a proposal when I get to the last stage - in which I feel it will be the threatening "Do it or I kill you" stage?
:D
@spaneshal: Haha, I haven't reached that one, but if I ever do (which I BETTER NOT) I will definitely update the OP to reflect it!!!
I keep swapping between the WTFWHYHAVENTYOUDONEITYET stage and the IMSOEXCITEDANDIJUSTCANTHIDEIT stage. Haven't quite got to that last stage yet - hoping I don't have to :-)
I was at the Blah/Ugh stage last week waiting for my bf of 6.5 years to show some real enthusiasm rather than the "yes, dear" responses when I mentioned anything engagement related. Last week he then decided that we should go late night shopping. By the end of the night he had put a deposit down a beautiful ring that I *love*. Now I am somewhere between OMGOMGOMG and IMSOEXCITEDIJUSTCANTHIDEIT. All feeling a bit real now! :)
I am def in the BLAH/UGH stage... I am like frustrated and annoyed but just shrug it off because it is not going to happen soon enough. Unlike your story.. I don't know if my SO has bought a ring but I just know it is coming soon.. I am hoping that is is sooner rather than later. I just want to be able to call him my FI.. I feel silly calling him my bf now that we have been together for over 4 years. I am not a teen anymore lol.
Come on BABBYYYYYYYY!!!
@KatyInWaiting: I am definitely in the STOPSTRESSINITSGOINGTOHAPPEN stage, but I do have my BLAH/UGH days, which like @happy2bee: don't last too long. WHEW!
Haha I think I'm in a variation of the OMGOMGOMG stage where's I'm still going "OMG" but only in head, if that makes any sense.
Haha, your stages are so spot on!
I'm in a stage you haven't mentioned, mostly because finances didn't work so I'm in the Idon'twanttotalkaboutitbecauseitwon'thappenforalongtime phase. We have to pay off a lot of debt and save up money before we can get engaged. I knew it would be this way (we could afford to either move or get engaged, we chose to move) but it doesn't help me. I try to stay away from wedding related things now, but I can't break the WeddingBee addiction, lol.
Oh I feel you! I totally get it and it sounds funny when you say it outloud but so not funny inside. I bumped accross this thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/anyone-have-a-non-surprising-engagement/page/2 recently and commented because it's been a few months since I got engaged and hadn't really expressed my feelings about it for fear of people judging me as ungrateful or insensitive. Here's what I wrote:
I wasn't surprised really. We'd been together 9 years, living together 1 1/2 yrs. I was actually kind of anxious for it to happen already or that it hadn't yet. I get it. Both in school. his sister was getting married and he didn't want to take away from her moment, but it was still getting to me... I kept thinking this is gonna be it, nope, this time, nope, now?, also no... When it happened he took me on a weekend camping trip (which we've never done) and after setting up camp went strolling on the beach near midnight. He kept commenting on how romantic the setting was etc etc (which isn't really like him) and then he got on one knee pulled out the ring and said I love you will you marry me? It was perfect... sort of... I think I psyched myself out.
Thinking about it so much took away from when it actually happened. The setting was perfect, the ring was amazing, and he was so sweet, but I had waited so long that I made myself believe that it was lees important to me than it was so that I could try to get it out of my head. I tried to push the thought away so much that when it happened it just wasn't the reaction you hope to have. I was happy and I said yes and we kissed and hugged etc, but I didn't get that "Oh my gosh this is so amazing I can't believe this is really happening!" feeling. It was more like "It was about time, and this is nice I wish I could feel it more." It doesn't mean that I love him any less or that I don't want to get married, quite the opposite. Kind of a downer story, but after 9 years, am I really supposed to have that feeling? I still wanted to... But maybe it was too much to ask. Anyone else felt like this?
Recently I've been alternating between WTFWHYHAVENTYOUDONEITYET and BLAH/UGH. We had talked about getting the ring soon/now, but he's being difficult in the attempt to retain the surprise. I, on the other hand, am starting to reach the ISWEARIFIMNOTENGAGEDBYYEARSENDIMGOINGTOJUMPOFFABRIDGE phase. This also has to do with the fact that like 4 of my friends, one being my best friend, and all of whom have been together for far less time than us, have gotten engaged in the last 2 months. It's pretty frustrating, especially with all the "Well when are you guys going to make it official?" questions...
I find myself in serious need of a pick-me-up haha. :/
I always love coming back to this thread and reading through, the descriptions are so true and I have experienced every single one of them!
@Saria213: and @callirome: I'm in the same boat as you two, I feel like I'm in a stage of waiting that doesn't even fall into one of these categories anymore!
Haha- That is so true!
I am somewhere between BLAH/UGH and STOPSTRESSINGITSGOINGTOHAPPEN stages. I know it's coming but I don't know when. I just know when I go back to work after the holidays, everyone will be checking out my ring finger ... argghh! All I can do is hope it will be some day soon!
@WaitingtoBee: If you notice, at the end of my OP, I wrote:
"And it's getting so much closer to the end-of-the-year mark that SO set - I mean, tomorrow it's November 1st! I'm just kinda feeling at peace with it all - oddly calm and happy.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring! But I'm good with where I'm at now."
FI proposed on 11/1/11 - so maybe there was something inside of my crazy head somewhere that knew it was coming. Either way, I know it's useless to say, because it was useless to say it to me, but don't worry - when it does happen, you'll forget all about this waiting pain! lol
Hi, I'm a Crazy Person.
I've been stalking WeddingBee for awhile and registered today JUST because I love this post. I've been through all of those stages since Thanksgiving when he received my late grandma's ring from my parents. We talked about how I wanted the center stone reset to something more my style, planned to use the side stones to make something for little sis... all is agreed. He knows what to do with it.
And because I'm a Snoopy McSnooperson (we live together so I can say I was looking for socks or something if he found out), I knew where he was hiding the original ring. When he went Christmas shopping with his brother a few weeks ago, it disappeared.
Yes, I looked as soon as he was gone.
IJUSTKNOWITSATAJEWELERSBEINGSET-ORELSEHEALREADYHASITBACKANDISDELIBERATELYDRIVINGMEBONKERS!!!!
I was in the blah stage last week because I knew it wouldn't be a Christmas proposal (he's said he thinks that's cheesy) but I'm back to WTFWHYHAVENTYOUDONEITYET.
Today, anyway.
Ha! Loved this! When I found out that he was going to do it (a Disney World employee spilled the beans accidently), I went through alllll of these emotions. But he took advantage of it when I confessed that I knew. He started faking me out by getting down on one knee whenever he needed to pick something up. Or, he would get dressed up for dinner when we were supposedly going to our favorite diner.
But while I waited, I secretly planned and started spreadsheets. Now he knows how I've spent my time and he gets a kick out of it!
Omg, I just posted a post like this! This one describes how I feel very well! Ugh, thank God I am not alone! It's so frustrating!!!!
ahhaah i LOVE this. I am defintely at the WTFWHYHAVENTYOUDONEITYET stage and have passed through the first 2 in order.
Ugh lol
This is amazing!! I was just in the WTFWHYHAVENTYOUDONEITYET stage but last night I accidentally saw an e-mail that has led me to believe it is happening ANY DAY NOW soo I'm back to OMGOMGOMG. If it doesn't happen I will surely fall into BLAH/UGH.
@KatyInWaiting: I love this post!!! I'm so glad to see so many other people going thru what I am! Right now I'm going threw the WTFWHYHAVENTYOUDONEITYET and the blah stage.
Although I don't know if he is planning or if he has a ring, I just know he went looking a few months ago. I honestly don't think we have the money to do it( I'm out of a job for a few months now, and he spends a lot of money on his truck, lifting it, new rims and tires) I've been blah for a few days now , leading up to our anniversary (yesterday) and now today. Ugh.
Also I just have aquestion for you bees... Do you think bc I'm out of a job he won't ask me.. I kinda feel like its my fault like he's using me not having a job as an excuse...
But I do know if he doesn't ask me soon or give me some hint that it's coming soon( even if he says a year..ISH) I'm going to lose it!!!
@KatyInWaiting: I LOVE THIS!
I'm definitelly at the STOPSTRESSINGITSGOINGTOHAPPEN stage now and am so gratefull for it. The other stages were really messign with me head.
Let's hope it can hold. Our timeline is "sometime in 2012" and that's all i know. It's only March tomorrow! LOL
These descriptions are absolutely perfect. My mood changes so much that I feel like I'm a combination of all of these. Mostly, the IMSOEXCITEDANDIJUSTCANTHIDEIT stage. We've looked at rings, and talked a lot about our future but the fact that he says he wants to take care of choosing the ring and planning a proposal himself is making me so anxious! I'm a bit of a control freak, so not knowing anything except which rings I showed him almost a whole year ago (most of which I've changed my mind about) is sending my stress levels through the roof! SO's self-imposed timeline is up, so I'm hoping for a proposal SOOOOON. Just put me out of my misery! ;)
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Just like there are stages of grieving when someone passes, I think there are stages of waiting. Maybe they don't all happen in the same order for all of us, and maybe we don't each feel everyone, but here are the major stages where I've been and where I'm at now:
The OMGOMGOMG Stage: My initial reaction when SO ask me to send him pics of rings I liked - and what my ring size was. I figured it was coming soon-ish, but to actually have him mention it set my heart (and brain) all a-flutter!
The IMSOEXCITEDANDIJUSTCANTHIDEIT Stage: I'm one of those people who is, well, NOT patient! When I get an idea or decide I want something, I DON'T want to wait for it! And knowing that SO was taking steps to make a declaration that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me sent me into overdrive (ie preplanning, looking for ideas, obsessing over rings, etc).
The WTFWHYHAVENTYOUDONEITYET Stage: SO kept bringing it up, asking me questions, calling me Mrs. Hislastname - it felt like he was purposely torturing me. His incessant poking about the subject was starting to make me feel angry and resentful - I started to feel like he was rubbing in the fact that it hadn't happened yet in my face (although I know if was just an overflow of his excitement). It was similar to the excited stage, but laced with frustration.
The BLAH/UGH Stage: This happened to me last week. I knew he finished paying off the ring the week before, but I didn't know how long it would take to come in, then for him to actually ask. I think I had exhausted all of my excitement and just started feeling blah about the whole situation. I stopped mentioning it. When SO mentioned it, I just kinda blew it off. I just didn't want to talk about it - at all!
The STOPSTRESSINGITSGOINGTOHAPPEN Stage: This is where I am now. I woke up this morning feeling good. Excited, but not obsessively excited. Not angry, not frustrated. I think some of it stems from knowing that it's now been 2 weeks since SO finished paying for the ring, so it's only a matter of time before it comes in now. And it's getting so much closer to the end-of-the-year mark that SO set - I mean, tomorrow it's November 1st! I'm just kinda feeling at peace with it all - oddly calm and happy.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring! But I'm good with where I'm at now.
I guess the moral of the story (even though it's not over YET) is that everything WILL be ok and happen WHEN and HOW it is supposed to!
So, ladies who actually managed to make it all the way through this, what about you? What stage are you in now? Have you experienced the same things I have, or has your waiting rollercoaster taken you down a different path?