Weddingbee boards

The thing about adoption is that you're committing to be a parent to the child you adopt.  If you're unhappy with the agency, you work to right the situation without putting the child at further risk.  Becoming a parent--through child birth or adoption--is the same lifelong commitment.  Your priorities have to shift to protect your child.  

Assuming it's true that the woman was lied to about the boy's mental stability, the problem (and possible crime) is that she sent him back, alone, with a note. That child is still her legal responsibility.

If she cannot raise a child who is unstable mentally and was lied to about it (and I agree that the adoption agency in Russia is at fault if that's the case, definitely!) then she should have contacted the proper agencies and authorities to figure out her options, not ship him back to Russia with a note. He is a child, a human being, and deserves to be treated as such, even if she was lied to.

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/04/russia-may-halt-us-adoptions-after-tenn-woman-returns-boy/1

You don't tell a kid that you want to be his family, commit to raising him, and then when things get tough tell that kid that you're sending him back to the orphanage. Sorry, he's a kid.  Kids aren't always perfect, you can't just get rid of them when things get hard.  And as to your statement "adoption is different than having your own child" I know several adoptive parents and children who would be incredibly hurt and offended by that statement.  They are as much a family as anyone else.  A child is not a puppy.  You don't get to pick if you want one with behavioral challenges or not.  If you don't have the time needed to dedicate to a child, don't have one.  Because once you do there is no going back.  Yes the adoption agencies were wrong to lie, but any person who chooses to be a parent without being 100% willing to love and support that child no matter what has done something far far worse.

In the past couple weeks, there was an incident with an adopted boy from Russia in Minnesota. He brought a gun to school, and now faces criminal charges (no one was hurt, luckily). His parents did everything they could to help him, which is what any parent, birth or adoptive, should strive to do, ideally:

"Our concern is that he gets the help that he really needs," said the mother. "This is a human being. This is our boy."

http://www.twincities.com/ci_14857261

I agree with Erin Marguerite. If you want a child badly enough to adopt, and commit the rest of your life to raising a child finacially, spiritually, emotionally, and more...are you really going to cherry pick your child? I understand that NO one would wish for their child to have autism, and I guess by adopting you should have some say, but if you aren't prepared to deal with the worst then I don't think you should adopt.

Even a child without known pre-existing conditions like autism, mental retardation, schizophrenia, etc, might develop adhd, learning disorders, cancer...would you send the child back then? What's the statue of limiations on that?

On the Russian side, many orphanages over there are wretched. One did not have enough toys for the kids to play with so they strung the toys up from the ceiling for the kids to look at, but the kids could not interact with them.  I know this because I am a therapist who works with kids with autism, and we get many referrals from families who have adopted kids from Russia. Many of these children have, at the very least, attachment disorders that can make them violent, aggressive, moody, and unpredictable. Some have autism, or post traumatic stress from the abuse and/or neglect that they have experienced. I'm pretty sure that someone adopting from another country where the standard of care is not as high as our own should be knowledgable that this is a risk.

Finally, I can't imagine anything worse for a child than being given up by his or her parents...living in an orphanage in potentially wretched conditions...finally being adopted...and then being given up again. That breaks my heart.

"By age 4, he was officially diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder — a condition in which children find it difficult, if not impossible, to love and trust anyone. He hurt his siblings physically whenever he got the chance, the parents said. He would threaten his mother and father, promising to "cut you up in little pieces," said the father.

This is from the 2nd article posted, where the parents kept the child and tried to give them all the help he needed. 

It's easy to judge, but not many people can handle living with a child that is threatening to kill you and hurting family members repeatedly. I am not saying sending them back alone is right...but in these situations there is no wrong or right. It is way too complex for easy answers like that.