- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2018
It’s 5:45 am, I set the alarm for 6, but god knows why…who needs an alarm when you have a greyhound with a growling stomach? He shoves his face up under my pillow and starts bucking around to make sure I know he’s up…of course I know he’s up. His face is in my face and his breath smells like a backed up septic system, a coma could be interupted by the stench. I roll over and try to ignore him, but it’s too late now, the other two dogs are up, I moved, it’s time to eat! And just in case anyone was thinking about going back to sleep, the cat can always be relied upon to destroy any of the final hopes I had about an extra fifteen minutes of sleep…she scales the sleeping mass of my husband like a sherpa cresting Mt Everest and launches onto my chest…”Meow!” The lab hears it, there’s a cat in the room! Must get the cat!
Pandemonium ensues and in an effort to stop the insanity, I get up. It’s an eclectic celebration of dance, they all bounce around, someone’s butt hits my vanity with a thump and it sits shaking in the corner, bottles of perfume rattling…I look back at the bed, the giant still sleeps.
I manage to get down the stairs without being knocked down by the cumulative 300lbs of dogs shooting past me into the kitchen…all three of them hit the linoleum, all three of them slide…all three of them crash into the dishwasher with a thud…the same thing has happened every morning for the last three years…I must write Kitchenaid…they make one hell of a washer. I open the door and they shoot out like a cannon. But the grass is wet…ewww…it’s cool…we’ll just pee on the deck.
Disgusted by the fact that my dogs are wusses I go back upstairs to feed Her Highness, I find her perched on top of the snoring man mountain, eyeing his feet cautiously. She hauls her velvety fatness off the bed when she hears her food, muching happily, we once again complete the contract we’vejointy honored for seven years, I feed you, you let me sleep.
The boys are done peeing all over my redwood, I let them back inside and they clamor over to the bowls…but wait…there’s a hair in the water….three sets of brown eyes look doefully up at me, as if they’ve just crossed the Sahara, and are dying of thirst…fine! I stand there rinsing THEIR HAIR out of THEIR BOWL and refill it, satisfaction has been acheived, they guzzle away and I head back upstairs to catch just a few more minutes.
I crawl into bed next to him, he’s still dead to the world and just as I get comfortable, I feel the unmistakable jerk of the bed as the love of my life wakes once again to this world. He stretches, and hits me in the forhead, I roll over, since I’m married to a man that has to turn on a light, just to get out of bed…but before he goes, he cracks me on the butt and happily hollers, “Mornin Lover!” and whistling off-key heads into the bathroom, where yet another glaring light is turned on….he turns on the shower and wanders back into our room, brushing his teeth and staring at me…maybe he’ll forget I’m here, and just leave…. the swishing noise of the brush in his mouth gets closer…he pokes me…”You Up?” I roll over, unphazed he advances on the bed like a division of panzers, “Started the shower for you…”
Just then the alarm goes off…I feel like I just ran a marathon…and now my day can start.