the scam of my life ….marriage!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@itsallabaddream:  Hugs* sorry to hear this I think you both should seek a marriage councelor .What made you go through his phone? did he do something for you to lose his trust? I really hope you two work this out.

 

Post # 6
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@itsallabaddream: That’s awful, hon. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.  However, you’re not going through this because you looked at his phone.  Sure, it’s a violation of trust (although to me that’s small potatoes compared to the fact that he’s been contacting his ex behind your back). Whether you checked the phone or not, he was still calling/texting his ex. And if he’s telling you he still loves her, then obviously it wasn’t to talk about the weather. Don’t let him push the blame on to you, which is what it sounds like he’s doing with the whole “He can’t trust you.” bit.

 

This is happening because he’s doing something with his ex. Whether it’s “innocent texting,”, an emotional affair or something more–the catalyst isn’t *you* the catalyst is your husband. 

 

Whether it’s counseling or lawyers, I hope it works out for the best for you.

 

Post # 9
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@itsallabaddream:  I’m so sorry you are going through this. Sounds to me like HE broke your trust by texting his ex. if you feel as though your marriage can be saved encourage him to see a counselor with you. It seems to go beyond you looking through his phone..he isn’t being honest about his feelings here. If I caught my husband texting his ex at 1am I would’ve grabbed his phone and smashed it over his head!  My heart goes out to you. I hope you can work this out. 

Post # 11
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@itsallabaddream:  You both need to figure out why this breakdown occurred. Get to the bottom of it before you proceed in either direction. I don’t see how you can recover married or divorced if you don’t get all the facts. HUGS

Post # 13
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Are you sure that there isn’t something else going on with him? It seems crazy to file for divorce after a fight about a phone, so I would try to ask again about counseling. 

Sorry you are going through this!

Post # 14
Member
5087 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am so sorry this has happened. Be kind to yourself and trust yourself. 

Post # 15
Member
896 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@itsallabaddream:  They don’t usually mandate it unless there are children.  

Post # 16
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@itsallabaddream:  something is fishy.  he immediately directed all of the blame at you.  it’s all your fault.  you broke his trust.  excuse me but he is the one who called his ex.  he broke your trust.  did you even address this issue?  did he apologize at least? 

he isn’t mad at you for looking at his phone, he is mad at himself for getting caught.  if he really cared about your relationship and knew he did something stupid, he would have owned up to his error and apologized.

immediately throwing out the divorce card has huge red flags.  he either doesn’t want to work on the marriage or he simply doesn’t know how to communicate.  you have suggested counselling and he refuses.  again, does he really want this marriage to work or is he just embarrassed of his actions?

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