(Closed) The secret mission disappointment.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

Does he know you want him to propose during the trip? It’s an awful lot of expectation for a guy to live up to if he doesn’t know that that’s what you want (Sadly, guys aren’t mind readers. But wouldn’t it make things easier if they were?!)

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How old are the two of you?

I could see him telling you that to throw you off the trail, but the only way to really know what he’s thinking is to talk to him about it. Maybe he thinks that your lives aren’t stable enough yet, or that you’re not ready yet. I think you need to make sure that he knows that you’re hoping to get engaged soon. If he proposes on the same day/around the same time as his best friend, will that really take away from your proposal? He’s still committing to you, you’ll still be getting married. I wouldn’t let something like that make you angry.

Post # 6
Member
9143 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Calm down. You are going to be miserable from now until the trip and risk sabotaging the whole engagement. He may proposal during the trip or he may be using the trip as a chance to see how you get along on trips. If you act all crazy he might hesitate or change his mind. Keep in mind he has given you no actual reason to think he won’t propose at some point.

Post # 7
Member
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t understand why it has to be one of those 3 options – 1) he is going to propose and is trying to throw you off 2.) he is not intending to propose  or 3.) he intends to propose at the same time. Just because he isn’t proposing now doesn’t mean he doesn’t intend to sometime relatively soon. Right? Have you guys talked about marriage at all? If so was it a concrete conversation about your future together or something more abstract and vague? This should give you a good indication of his intentions.

FI and I dated for 10 years before he proposed. We started dating at 15 and it happened when we were financially stable and out of school.

Post # 8
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

In 2 out of 3 of your scenarios he proposes to you on an awesome trip and you are still/are going to be upset or angry? WTH?!

Post # 9
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Luayne:  Yeah, that’s the part I don’t get. It seems like he cannot win.

Post # 10
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

who cares if he proposes close to the same time as your friend proposes to his girlfriend? yeah if its in the same sitting thats a little awkward.. but otherwise who cares. they have every right to take the next step in their life as you do. I get that you’re worried about wasting 8 years of your life.. but maybe what you need to think about is ASKING him his plans for the future.

 

It sounds like you guys haven’t really talked about when you want to get married or whatever except, when you’re stable. Well maybe that isn’t definitive enough for him. Maybe he needs more of a direct answer. Most guys need a lot of direction and a lot of direct answers…

 

I think you’re overreacting and you just need to have a conversation with him. And also, be prepared to offer a solution because if he IS planning to propose to you and you threaten him and get upset with him about the vacation and such, and thats when hes planning to propose, he might tell you that, and then you’re gonna be more pissed off.

 

So you need to have a serious conversation and you need to consider his thoughts and opinions. Talk about timelines… talk about in the next 2-3 months, in the next 5-6 months. Try to be a little breif about it so he doesnt have to blow it if hes planning to propose on the holiday.

Post # 11
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

First welcome to the bee! Second – Take a breath. You’re going to ruin your vacation!

It sounds like you guys only recently got out of school. So you’ve only recently gotten to the phase of your life where you would consider marriage. So it’s not like you’ve been waiting 8 yeas. Does he know that you are ready for marriage? Have you guys talked about this in real terms since graduating? Don’t expect him to know our desires if you don’t tell him. Guys are pretty dense.

I actually do think it is expecting too much to expect him to propose on this trip. Unless you’ve talked about it, how is he supposed  to know that’s what you want? And even if  he does, is he on the same page as you? What if he doesn’t want to do it on vacation?

It sounds like you two need to talk. Figure out if this is what you both want right now. If you’re on the same page, then you could talk about the proposal or just let him do it on his own. I also wouldn’t assume that he knows you would be  pissed if he did it around the same  time as a friend – I also don’t really get this, but whatever, just let him know if it’s important to you.

Overalll I think  you just need to calm down and talk things thruogh with your boyfriend. It just sounds like you’re overwhelmed. And that’s okay. But at least talk to him before making assumptions  about his intentions. And don’t get pissed that he doesn’t do what you want,  if you don’t tell him. It’ll work out. Just don’t do anything rash.

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