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After the wedding?

the secret to staying married is ... separate rooms?! Agree or disagree?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • 1 Members Subscribed To Topic
  • poll: what do you think about separate bedrooms for you and your partner?
    no way - that's so unromantic! : (61 votes)
    69 %
    definitely, a life saver! : (7 votes)
    8 %
    we have a spare room with a bed/couch for occasional use : (20 votes)
    23 %
    undecided! : (0 votes)
  •  
    1.
    Member
    675 posts
    Busy bee
    peanutlovespumpkin    9-18-10   Los Angeles

    I just read this article:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-iovine/girlfriends-guide-the-rea_b_432130.html

    and it got me thinking ... I love sharing a bed with my FI, and it's sometimes hard for me to fall asleep without snuggling with him, but I could see things getting tough 20 years down the road if he starts snoring loudly every night or something.

    What do you guys think about separate bedrooms for married couples?

     
    2.
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    508 posts
    Busy bee
    MissACS    March!  

    Same bedroom. King sized bed. Separate BATHROOMS.  Now that's the recipe for wedded bliss.

     
    3.
    Hostess
    16,857 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    We sleep in the same bed but don't feel the need to cuddle all night because it makes it hard to sleep that way.

     
    4.
    5,478 posts
    Bee Keeper
    lilyfaith    June 23, 2012   Lakeview, Chicago

    What MissACS said. x1000.

    We actually don't mind our queen bed, although it gets crowded with the kitties. 

     
    5.
    Member
    2,416 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Minutiae    May 2011  

    "Sleeping in separate rooms saved my marriage.

    My husband snores so loud that it was making me lose sleep nightly, and causing my work to falter. i was consistently losing 2-4 hours per night of sleep. He was gettign upset because I was constantly kicking him, screaming, threatening him etc."

    LOL.

    I'm going to go out on a limb and say that separate rooms really isn't the secret, just a remedy to symptoms.

    I think I'd rather have him next to me, even if he does snore and spoon in his sleep. 

     
    6.
    Member
    3,763 posts
    Honey bee
    JamaicaBride    May 14, 2011   Charlotte, NC

    Definitely the same KING SIZED bed. I don't mind sharing a bathroom either. But his and her closets would be HEAVENLY!! Plus...I am actually a fan of having my own personal space in the house where I can veg out when I am awake. He has his office...and I am taking over the sunroom for my books, some nice comfy, GIRLY furniture, and some plants. I love my FI...but sometimes I need to be alone in my own space.

     
    7.
    Member
    508 posts
    Busy bee
    MissACS    March!  

    Yeah we usually have a 20 pound dog (who has no qualms about kicking you in his sleep and has feet that smell of Fritos) and one of the 2 cats on the bed.  We're also different temperature kind of sleepers. I need no less than 391 blankets atop of me to ensure proper warmth and comfort so I layer them on top of the regular sheet and comforter. 

    And once you get used to a King sized bed, sleeping in anything else is like being in an MRI machine together.

    But truly, the separate bathrooms/showers/tubs has been miraculous. Because we don't have kids, we have free reign on all the bedroom closets in the house, so we're lucky there for now.

     
    8.
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    5,938 posts
    Bee Keeper
    eloping    May 23, 2010  

    King size bed, seperate bathrooms and if he breaths on me during the night i happily put a pillow on his face - i hate hot expelled icky breath breathing on me.  thankfully he doesnt snore

     

     
    9.
    3,234 posts
    Sugar bee
    Kittyachi    August 2010   New York

    Not married yet but live together and all I ever talk about is how much I want a King bed! He snores sometimes and we are currently sleeping in a DOUBLE bed (yay for NYC apartment square footage) and it's kind of terrible. Ideally it would be awesome to have a guest room that could be used in emergencies. Also, sometimes I can't sleep so it would be nice to have that space. Basically, the more space, the better! And OMG I'd kill for separate bathrooms and closet space.

     
    10.
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    Bee
    6,780 posts
    Busy
    Beekeeper
    spaniel    March 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    Mr. S and I have talked about this... he does snore (sometimes pretty loudly) but I have earplugs! We don't plan to have separate bedrooms as a matter of course, but we do plan to have an office/"guest room" if we have a big enough place that he'll probably use on occasion... mostly during the day, I imagine, but I'd be okay if he decided he wanted to sleep there sometimes.

    But I agree with everyone else, separate bathrooms would make our lives MUCH better, even now!

     
    11.
    Member
    3,921 posts
    Honey bee
    krissybee    October 15, 2011   :: chicago IL ::

    ooo, i agree...same bedroom, separate bathrooms!! oh , and we have separate closets and that is a MUST.. i love it.

    our full size bed is a little snug, so i think i queen would be an upgrade for us!

     
    12.
    617 posts
    Busy bee
    Chipmunk      

    Bed I wouldn't think so. I want to snuggle up to my So and he does to. Now should you two have separate hang out rooms sure!!! My So and I always talk about that. I want to watch my Spanish soaps and he can watch the game. After and hour or two, we can reconvene and have quality time. This way you're both happy. Everyone needs their space. You don't want your SO following you around everywhere and he wouldn't want you there either.

     
    13.
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    Bee
    7,343 posts
    Busy
    Beekeeper
    scissors    June 19, 2010   Atlanta, Ga

    It would make me way to sad not to share a bed with Mr. S. No way jose.

     
    14.
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    6,816 posts
    Busy
    Beekeeper
    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    We sleep in a Queen and def need a King. Whenever we stay in a hotel with a King we sleep so well. But I agree that same bed separate bathrooms is the key to a happy marriage.

     
    15.
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    1,713 posts
    Bumble bee
    seashell    September 2010  

    A wise person once said that all bathrooms should be soundproof. Period. I couldn't agree more!

     
    16.
    Member
    797 posts
    Busy bee
    northernazbride    August 1, 2009   Arizona

    We sleep in a full and desperately need a bigger bed... I'd love a king. Even though our sleeping habits can annoy each other (I'm a bed hog and he snores) I can't imagine not sleeping together. I agree with everyone else though, I would LOVE my own bathroom.

     
    17.
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    Jina of JAC    Jina of JAC   New York

    Not married yet so I'm looking forward to snuggling up with my FI!!~ But I can definitely see a need for the spare room! The together but separate time is so necessary.

     
    18.
    Member
    4,148 posts
    Honey bee
    hotchildinthecity    June 12, 2010   New York, NY

    I like sleeping in the same bed with FI, but I do wish we could have a bigger bed.  Like Kittyachi, we live in Manhattan and have a full-sized bed.  We are both not petite people  and 5'8"/150 lbs + 6'0/215 lbs + 2 cats = crowded full sized bed ;o)

    And I definitely agree with PP that separate bathrooms would be better than separate beds.  We share a bathroom but we do have separate closets though. 

     
    19.
    Member
    9,968 posts
    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    CorgiTales    February 1, 2011  

    I like sleeping in the same bed, but we are not cuddly. I am a tosser and a turner and I need my space to fall asleep. FI does snore but I'm a heavy sleeper and if it does wake me up I just ask him to roll over (he only snores if he is on his back) and the problem is solved. I ask him to roll over maybe once every other night or so-- not really a burden. 

     

    Could I have a separate closet though? :)

     
    20.
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    2,685 posts
    Sugar bee
    frozen yogurt    April, 2010  

    No way, i can't imagine not sharing a bed.  I'd be so sad without him.  It's hard to fall asleep when he's not there.

     
    21.
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    1,205 posts
    Bumble bee
    mdarrah    4/4/09   Los Angeles, CA

    We love to fall asleep in each others arms and wake up side by side.... but its the inbetween those two where we have issues!  I am an UBER light sleep and hes got a deviated septum and allergies!  Oof!  Oh - and he's a rolly polly and I'm a kicker who frequently wakes up with my head where my feet should be... or on the other side of him. (Oh and we have a king bed!)  We have a guest room and from time to time - one of us will drag our butt there in the middle of the night so we can get some quality sleep!  Then again, we have friends who spent their first 18 months together on a TWIN BED!!!  OMG -kill me now.  But - to each their own!

     
    22.
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    tammyt112    May 29, 2010  

    I HAVE to sleep in my FI's armpit, I know its gross to some, but I dont even need a pillow, his chest and pit is my pillow, I cant sleep without him, had to do it before and it was awful.  He's a big guy too and we have a queen size bed, unfortunately, but we will definately get a kind sized bed after wedding

     
    23.
    9,010 posts
    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    I can't imagine not sleeping with him, but our next bed will definitely be a king size (we currently have a queen).  I don't mind sharing a bathroom with him either but will definitely need separate closets

     
    24.
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    8,645 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    cardigan    January 7, 2011   Austin, TX

    I can't imagine having separate rooms! And we're actually the opposite of most people - we're SO glad we have a queen bed instead of a king. We've slept in kings together before and we feel like there's sooo much space between us and if we want to cuddle during the night, it takes way too much effort!!

     
    25.
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    Bee Keeper
    Mrs. Spring    May 10, 2009   California

    I know a guy who says the secret to a happy marriage is living 400 miles away from his wife and only visiting on holidays.  Just because he said it does not mean it's right for my relationship.  :)  I think some marriages probably benefit from separate bedrooms, but I don't think mine would.

     
    26.
    Member
    943 posts
    Busy bee
    Helstrong    April 9, 2011   Overland Park, KS

    @Spaniel- do the ear plugs really help? What kind do you use? lol

    My SO snores, almost every night and it is awful if I haven't fallen asleep first. If I fall asleep first we are absolutely fine, and I don't even notice it.

    I can't fall asleep without some part of my body touching him though. It can be as simple as a hand or an arm, or my whole back, after I fall asleep we don't really cuddle though. I move a lot!

     
    27.
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    Krissy18       New York

    Not married yet, but living together for almost 4 years.... I love sharing a bed with him!! I could TOTALLY see separate bathrooms being a lifesaver though. I would love, love, love that. I too live in NYC and we chose to get a 1 bedroom instead of a studio just so one of us could lock ourselves in the bedroom if need be... everyone needs some solo time! We also had a twin size bed for our first 8 months together... When we upgraded to a full size it felt like the best moment of our lives!! THEN we upgraded to a queen. HEAAVEEENNN. One day we'll get our king, but for now the queen is perfect for our NYC apt!

     
    28.
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    1,198 posts
    Bumble bee
    lemondrop    March 13, 2010   Arizona

    That article was both scary and sad to me!  My grandparents didn't have a happy marriage, and they had different bedrooms, so it reminds me of that bad situation.  Why not get different apartments/houses too?  We each have our own personal spaces in the house where we can leave our crap and not irritate the other person, but I like spending time with my guy- even if it is just sleeping. 

     
    29.
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    948 posts
    Busy bee
    eurekaanchovies    March 27, 2010  

    A king-sized bed, earplugs, and two sinks in the master bath.  That's my vote.

     
    30.
    Hostess
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    Busy
    Beekeeper
    zippylef    October 30, 2010   Norfolk, UK

    Nope. Same bedroom, but as JamaicaBride said, a separate space in the house for awake time. He would have his room with all his computers and nerdy star wars memorabilia and I would have a room for my books and sewing machine. That would be the BEST case scenario.

     
    31.
    Hostess
    16,857 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    Oh I agree with the two sinks in the bathroom. 

     

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